If Someone Threatens to Turn Your Fun into a Chore, Invoke Your Id

Some people go around acting like cruel excrement oozing orifices… They seem to exist just to ruin other individuals’ day. But we can’t allow this kind of rot to get to us. If we do, our lives will stink to high heavens. 

Why the early morning rant, witchy writer woman? You might be thinking. Such a great question, my Wicked Luvs, that is one of the reasons why I like you so much; you always know how to keep the conversation going *sprays a bit of tangent-be-gone and gets back to her point*. A blogger friend emailed me to ask, “How do you communicate with readers who get nasty with you? I don’t want to lose anyone, but I feel like [insert name of nasty person here] is pushing me too hard. If I post something outside my blog theme [s/he] calls me on it and says I’m not a serious blogger. If I can’t comment for a while, [s/he] leaves comments saying I don’t care about my followers.” The abuse goes on and on…

Because I’m almost psycho… No, it’s not a typo, I mean “psycho” not” psychic”. You see, when you know you possess the gift of psycho-weirdness, you develop a hyper-awareness that tells you when to walk away, slowly but with conviction, before someone starts telling you that s/he finds your psycho-uncanniness offensive, and you allow yourself the natural (but illegal) response of smacking him or her right in the teeth. See? Almost psycho, not psychic. Anyway, because I’ve encountered this kind of plague before, I suggested to my friend that perhaps her cyber-stalker is someone she knows (who is cowering behind the inter-web); so the best solution might be to delete, block and forget the bastard.

My friend is shy around people she doesn’t know well. Blogging is her therapy and her fun and a way to share her art with others. She doesn’t “want to hurt anyone’s feelings, or avoid solving [her] problems”.

I thought about her position for a while… We’ve all been there, my Wicked Luvs, haven’t we? I sure remember being seven-years-old and wanting everyone to accept me and like me… Okay, that’s a bit of a lie; I’m pretty sure I was born covered in a light coat of if-you-don’t-like-me-then-I-won’t-like-you-either. And through the years, I’ve armed myself with a healthy amount of selfishness (and a tad of disdain) for dealing with persons like the cyber-stalker in question. In this particular case, I will say that if someone threatens to turn our fun into a chore, we should reserve the right to invoke our id. Loving ourselves first keeps us happy and sane enough to love others, the way we want to be loved.

I know you don’t want to create discord, dear one (yes, I’m talking to you). But you can’t control other people’s actions, or predict their reactions to your behaviors and choices. Something tells me that this obviously troubled person will find some kind of fault in everything you do, no matter what it might be. So just continue doing what makes you happy. Blogging is your hobby. The blogosphere is a place where you share dreams and fun. Do not let this asshole take something you enjoy away from you (somehow “excrement oozing orifice” didn’t quite grasp the intended mood of the situation).

Your thoughts, my Wicked Luvs? What do you do when someone mistreats you without reason? And because I suspect that at least one person might think, This is just someone online, who cares? I will suggest thinking about it a bit deeper. You see, our emotions (and by “ours” I mean my feelings and the feelings of many people I know) are affected by those we interact with, regardless of setting. So, keeping that in mine, how would you deal with the situation described above, if you were the one facing my friend’s computer screen?

Basket of Little Devils, by Edith Vonnegut 
via 
I love, love, love the look on her face…

35 comments:

  1. That's right -- simply choosing to blog on the internet is not an open invitation to accept all abuse that may come your way. If someone gets to be a pain in the ass, then block them or, failing that, put on comment moderation and delete all their comments before they hit the screen. They'll take the hint and bugger off once they're not getting any attention.

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    1. It only makes sense. But sometimes, the things that make sense to us aren't as clear (or easy) to another. It's a shame that someone is putting her in this situation. It annoys me. A lot.

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  2. I would never tolerate such a "friend" talking to me like that. "It is MY blog...and I will do as I please with it. If you don't like it, don't read it. I don't live just to please you! As for "not caring" about my followers, I doubt you even understand the concept of "caring". Or do you have some other reason for trying to belittle me?"
    Tell your friend she is free to copy and paste where appropriate. It is lovely that she doesn't want to hurt any ones feelings, but nor should she allow others to hurt hers. I'm sure the rest of her followers would miss her diversity greatly if she kowtowed to this person for fear of causing offence. Some people are born desiring conflict. Old adage...." if you can't take it, don't give it" :D XXX

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    1. If we all lived by that old adage, life would be so much easier. And happier, too (I really wanted to type "adage", by the way).

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  3. I've spent years wearing different masks trying to be likes, it only ever worked for a while and I was hardly ever happy, the effect of continually trying to be like is tiring. It's taken me many decades to realise you can't be liked by everyone, I'm like Marmite now, some people seem to like me (still not sure why) and others seem to take an instant dislike but that's their choice and I no longer beat myself up about it (at least not as much as I use too). I'm trying to develop a very quiet 'almost' psycho personality.

    I understand how your friend feels about her blog, I also worry about things I put on not just how other people will see them and what they will think but also if they seem out of place with the rest of what is on there, but my blogs are my baby so I'm trying to let them evolve. I deal with the problem with having different blogs and I'm not sure that is the perfect solution, but I'll keep searching till I find a fix I like. As for comments, I just have them on moderation and if there are any I don't like or seem like trolls they just get deleted and never see the light of day, a one button fix and a waste of time for those who wrote them as their words are wasted. :)

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    1. After meeting so many different personalities via the Internet, I've come to realized that easy is a matter of perspective. I might have no problem just telling someone to go and shove it, but I have come to understand why others might not see it that way... and it makes me feel horrible for people who are pushed so hard against the fence.

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  4. Oh...and if she lets the comments be visible, I'm sure her other followers would point out similar things on her behalf :D XXX

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  5. Having had a visit from a nut job ass hat on my blogs, I can say with certainty.....don't give them the satisfaction of seeing their comments on your blog. Eventually they will dry up and blow away finding that they can't mess with you. Best of blogging Magaly's friend. xoxo Oma Linda

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    1. I thought of you, and the ass hat in question, while I wrote this post...

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  6. Give your friend a big hug for me. I understand how scary it can be to be so vulnerable and enthusiastic about our likes, our art and sharing it with the world. It's like snippets of our souls are out on display in all their earnest and raw glory. But yes, block, ignore and move on. I know it's rough and I know how easy it can be to internalize all the poo flung your way. Surround yourself with honest but loving friends - the ones you know who love you enough to point out your fly is down but wouldn't start a group pointing and laughing at you because of that. You know they love you for you, and they'll always shoot straight with genuine concerns they have, born from the affection they have for you, and not out of spite.

    It's hard to be brave enough to be yourself - don't let people talk you out of that.

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    1. To share things, and oneself, in such an open forum is a valiant act. And for someone to come and cheapen that... Oh, I want to strangle this person... gently... for a while *cough*.

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  7. I hate conflict, so I feel for your friend. There was a person from high school on my friends list (didn't really know him then) who was rude anytime I posted something liberal or feminist. I took it. Then, he was rude to one of my really sweet Facebook friends. I was furious, but was reluctant to start anything that would end in conflict. I didn't unfriend him, but I did fix my posts where everyone can see them but him. It has worked fairly well. It is her blog, her direction, her time. She needs not to see this person's posts.

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    1. Sharon, why keep someone on your friend list who you don't know well and is consistently rude? I've unfriended several people for just that reason. I don't mind people disagreeing with me and my posts as long as they are polite and treat others with respect but I don't tolerate rudeness.

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    2. I understand, Sharon. I didn't before, then my best friend explained it to me. She can't breathe when she is pushed to confront someone. She will do it, if she has to, but it's hard... Like I said, this was almost incomprehensible to me, then I remember that I'm terrified of wet rust. Some things just are...

      @Ellen, I'm with you. But I get why. It's one of the reasons why it makes me so angry to see this kind of thing.

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  8. Your friend is under no obligation to respond to this person. If she feels a response is called for she should simply say 'I'm sorry you feel that way but I will continue to post what I want when I want and will respond to comments as time and interest allow. Feel free to stop visiting if you are not enjoying my blog.' If the complaints and abuse contine, she should mark it as spam and then delete.

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    1. If it was me, I would just copy and paste your message... and forge about it. But I don't think my friend would be able to live with herself if she did that. It's strange, isn't it?

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  9. I love the look on her face too ... she is saying with one expression "fuck you."

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    1. My thoughts exactly. I can't look at the painting without a huge grin filling my face. ;-)

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  10. Isn't the whole purpose of having your own blog to make you happy and share what you want? It's not really to please anyone else- they can get their own blog and do what they like.

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  11. "If I post something outside my blog theme [s/he] calls me on it and says I’m not a serious blogger. If I can’t comment for a while, [s/he] leaves comments saying I don’t care about my followers.”

    The idea of harassing someone about the way they blog is utterly and completely bizarre to me! I don't understand why the harasser is so invested in the manner in which your friend blogs. The harasser clearly has pathological control issues and freakin' insane priorities!

    If the harasser is intertwined with the rest of your friend's online community, it can make things more awkward. I can understand if she just can't face the unpleasantness of confronting the harasser and turning the situation into a far-reaching drama. If that is the case, there's a Robert Downey, Jr. quote that I like:

    "Listen, smile, agree. And then do whatever the f**k you were gonna do anyway!"

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    1. I think that last quote applies to all in life....hehe. :) I use it frequently with my family.

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    2. Indeed, Lady Emma! The latter has helped me walk away from many situations... without bodily harm being inflicted... on another *cough*.

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  12. What is really sad is that she has to wonder about this at all. Water off a duck's back, block the rude person and take away her power. Ultimately, I don't mean this as a criticism because I have been there, just don't play their game. Block them, delete them, whatever it takes.

    To your friend I say, First and foremost it is your blog to bend or change it anyway you please. If your blog brings you joy, then it is as it should be. Remember it takes just one good friend to cancel a bunch of "asshats", as dear Oma referred to such people, out of existence. Blog on!!!

    Blessed evening to you and yours, Magaly.

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    1. It's one of the good things about the Internet, access to the ass hats be gone button...

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  13. Why does anyone get to decide what your blog is supposed to be? I feel like coming to my blog, is like walking in to my living room. You're getting me. Some days I'm going to talk about my kids. Some days I'm going to talk about myself. Some days I'm going to bring up politics, or TV, or a new book I've fallen in love with. But it's my space, and I get to decide what I talk about.

    I love your space, whatever the subject. xoxo

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    1. My thoughts exactly. If you don't like how live, don't visit me. There is no reason for all this unpleasantness; then again, some people just feed on this kind of thing.

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  14. Excrement oozing orifices?? hee hee I'm glad I didn't see that with my morning coffee! You have such a colourful vocab my dear Magaly!! I'm still grinning. Anyway, yeah, I would say block the dunderhead.

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  15. A sharp negative comment can ruin one's day, just as surely as a glowing compliment can raise their spirits.

    You may let the commenter's negativity and mean-spiritedness get to you, but you can't let them know they have gotten to you.

    In my own experience, what this type of negativity needs/wants/thrives-on is attention. Making a commitment to ignore to the point of shunning such a "friend" usually does the trick.

    So, once I get over being hurt and angry, the comment (and sometimes its author) cease to exist.

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    1. Indeed. Once we deal with the emotions aroused by the uglies, the best course of action is to remove oneself from the mess.

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  16. Close up, yep, pull down the shutters, and if someone continues being an arse, then get in their face and tell them to fuck off... I don't think I handle that shit well

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    1. ...and there is always the freezer. No one should have to deal with this nonsense.

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