Wednesday Addams Speed Dates to Find Her Bleeding Heart

Wednesday Addams stood in line outside the speed dating room, contemplating the sign nailed to the door: If you’re longing for a Bleeding Heart, we’ll find the Right One for you. She had been searching for so long, at least seventy-two hours. If she had only known about this sort of place before…

A guy left his place in line, and walked up to Wednesday. “I don’t think three minutes is enough time to know if you want a new date to stick around,” he said.

Wednesday examined his face, neck, the healthy muscles of his arms… He looked well fed and superbly hydrated. “Do you enjoy being exsanguinated?” she said.

“Well, no, who—”

“Leave,” Wednesday said. The guy just stared, so she added, “Don’t stick around.”

Another young man approached Wednesday, and she didn’t let him open his mouth. “Do you have any contagious diseases?” she said.

“Of course not, sweetheart. I wouldn’t—” he started.

“Not even something common like mononucleosis or methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus?”

“I’m clean, sweetheart. I—”

“Go away,” Wednesday told him.

After the undesirable results of the last two exchanges, Wednesday decided that perhaps three minutes would be enough, if she gave a guy more than mere seconds to express himself. I will let the next one speak.

“Is this your first time?” the third guy said.

Wednesday nodded. She had never done it before, here or elsewhere.

“It’s somewhat intimidating,” he said. “So many rules, so little time, so—”

“So many witnesses,” Wednesday said.

“Yeah…” The guy blinked a few times. “There is that. Do you wonder why the speed dating organizers forbid people to ask each other where they are from? I mean, that’s pretty stupid.”

“It doesn’t matter to me,” Wednesday said. “When I find the one I’ve been looking for, he won’t want to go anywhere.”

“You really think so?” The guy moved closer to her, placed a hand on the small of her back. “He will never want to go, huh?”

“Not ever,” Wednesday said.

“Perhaps,” he pulled her a little closer to him, “we don’t need this place. Let’s get out of here, babe.” He looked at the sign on the door and rolled his eyes. “You had my bleeding heart at hello.”

“But I didn’t say hello,” Wednesday said.

The guy laughed and grabbed Wednesday by the hand. On the way to the exit, he whispered, “I’m just what you need, babe.”

Wednesday smiled at him and he didn’t flinch. The hours she spent fake-smiling in front of the mirror had paid off.

They crossed the street and walked down the block towards a park for a few minutes. Wednesday stopped walking and smiling when they reached the Addams family car.

He was startled by the sudden halt until he saw the hearse. “Oh, you’re right,” he said softly. “It’s probably rude to be so cheery and loud this near to the dead.”

“That’s just my brother,” Wednesday said, knocking on the back window of the hearse. “He isn’t dead yet. He enjoys riding in the coffin and Lurch spoils him.”

“You came to a speed dating event with your brother?” The guy raised his hands in front of him and began to walk backwards. He bumped into Lurch, who had been hiding behind an oak. The guy yelped, his wild eyes shifting between Wednesday, Lurch and Pugsley, who waved from the coffin. “I’m into a lot of things, lady,” he said, “but I don’t share my heart with other men.”

“Don’t worry,” she told him. “Pugsley wants you for your brains. Granny called dibs on your entrails and teeth. The rest is up for grabs. Except your heart. Your heart will bleed only for me.” She flashed him a real Wednesday Addams smile. And this time, the guy flinched and whimpered. 

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fly over to Easel & Quill to read many yummy entries
here are links to some of the yumminess I’ve already delighted in:
Bleeding Hearts and Poe!” – Daydream Believer
Gomez and Morticia – Little Gothic Horrors
there are many more

and if you’re looking for my Vampire’s Day Soirée post
well, click on the title (below) or on Drusilla, by Little Gothic Horror:
Four Sutural Enhancements and a Velvet Cape

31 comments:

  1. Bwa-ha-ha-ha! The Addams family is lucky to have such a generous child!

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    1. Generosity, doom and fun murdering streaks are well-known Addams values, didn't you know? *tee-hee*

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  2. 'The hours she spent fake-smiling in front of the mirror had paid off." It's getting it to show in the eyes, that's the hard part. And yes, this does sound like a dream date....

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    1. Alcohol will add the gleam needed Rhissanna!

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    2. I agree, Rhissanna, things went quite well for Wednesday. And I can only be thrilled for her, since she put so much work into it.

      @Debi, I don't know about alcohol... It might thin the fellow's blood. And bleeding a heart is something that should be done slowly and carefully. Muahahaha!

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  3. Brilliant and Wednesday is such a thoughtful young lady, willing to share her new love with the rest of her family. I'm so glad speed dating worked out so well for her.

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    1. Me, too. For a second or two, I didn't think things where going to work for Wednesday. But she did well in the end. And I'm so happy that she shared her bliss with her family. ;-D

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  4. Wednesday is so polite! Takes after her Mom! Love Wednesdays adventure such a nice young lady to take her snacks home to share! xoDebi

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    1. Indeed! I think she possesses her mother's kind of sweetness and her father murderous charm. Such a balanced girl, our Wednesday.

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  5. What a brilliant story, Magaly! You had me at 'well fed and superbly hydrated'. :)

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    1. Flesh is best when well cared for. ;-D

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  6. "Except your heart. Your heart will bleed only for me.” Yes! So much YES!!!

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  7. Ha! This is brilliant, Magaly! I wonder where she'll keep his bleeding heart.

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    1. Great question, Yvonne! I wonder if we should ask her...

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    2. We should. I'm picturing a bell jar.

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  8. Perfectly delectable.

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    1. *happy giggles and loud cackles*

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  9. Hahaha! Wednesday is a young lady who knows what she wants... and how to get it!

    Goes without saying that I loved this and thank you for the link to my post, lovely! ❤

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    1. I suspected you'd like this one quite a bit... especially since I thought of it after I saw your loving portrayal of Gomez and Morticia. ♥

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  10. Hahahaha....that young lady is a true artist...maybe I should spend more time practising my smile in front of a mirror :D XXX

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    1. I think we should all practice our smile in front of the mirror... in the dark... when we are certain someone will find us doing it, lol! ^♥^

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  11. Love this, Magaly! Very clever! "So many witnesses" hahahahahaha. This strikes me as the opening chapter of a new novel -- "Fifty Shades of Black."

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  12. YES!!! How could I not love this Wicked Wednesday tale :)

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    1. Dear Wednesday is quite the star, isn't her? ;-D

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  13. LOL! Excellent ;o) I love ;o) Thanks for the wicked smiles ;o)

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