Outstepping Our Old

The old warmth
you whispered,
the sisterly hugs
you pressed,
the motherly lessons
you patted, palmed, pushed,
slapped…
against my skin
shattered away after
we went frigid.

Pre-extinction,
your lip-made warmth
echoed sustenance through my meat-shroud;
your words sang fossils
that forever strengthen my skeleton…

While I dance forward,
your present has tried 
to leech to my tailbone.
I shake it, shake it, shake…

and outstep our old.

Artistic Interpretations – Skeleton Poetry – with Margaret


I spent the last few weeks doing a lot of thinking… You see, my Wicked Luvs, pain is a very curious thing. When my pain levels go from I-want-to-bang-my-head-against-the-wall sharp to this-is-so-excruciating-my-brain-can’t-make-sense-of-it numb, my thinking process slows down, my speech gets a bit slurred and for some reason while I’m reading my old stuff I see details that I would’ve rarely noticed if I were at one hundred percent. So I did a lot of  v e r y   s l o w  noticing during my recent sick days.

My goodness, you wouldn’t believe the number of typos!

Anyway, I left most of the mistakes alone, and dedicated some of the hurt time to thinking about more abstract and less embarrassing things. One of the thoughts was rooted in my mind by the Greek Witch, over at Dreaming of Rosemary; she said, “I am grateful for all the friends I gained here, even for those I have already lost.”

My dazed mind and I began to wonder, how many friends have we lost in five years? I couldn’t come up with a number. Not because of the grogginess, but due to the fact that people stop blogging all the time. They are very active for a few months, and then we never hear from them again. Some friendships are lost to mix-ups, others to disagreements, many to changes of interests… Or like it happens in the poem above, there are strong relationships that can grow terribly cold and end up shattering.  

Thank goodness that the valuable things we shared with the now gone friends, the lessons that went through flesh and touched bone those treasures we get to keep and get to be thankful for while we step forward. As always, by “we” I mean “me.” And you, if you like. ;-)   

BoNE DooDLES, by Forest of Bones

57 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for your pain honey. I don't envy you of your pain, but of the fact that you have these years of blogging and words you can revisit and see how you've grown. I deleted EVERYTHING over the years and now am starting fresh. I guess it is what it is. Lesson learned in that I guess.

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    1. Sometimes the only way to move forward is to burn everything behind, like a good cleansing. The memories that need to stay will remain. We all have our way, and must do what works for us. "It is what it is." ;-)

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  2. I was going to mention that...but who am I to correct the word wizard! I can barely see, I thought your first line was " I spent the last few weeks doing a lot of drinking" , well that explains it! I said to self!!
    I have lost what few I call friend, far to young. In virtual land, I miss two especially . When you allow such
    .??? emotion ( shall I call it) and then poof! gone! Well it doesn't go unnoticed .
    So take care , drink less and NEVER leave without saying See Ya ! xoxoDebi

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    1. "drink less" LOL! If I drink any less, I might die of thirst. Remember my horrible habit of drinking so little water?

      I love that you mentioned that went people got 'poof' it doesn't go unnoticed. I wonder if they know... I'll never leave without waving first. Heck, I'll probably always be around grinning like a fool. ;-D

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  3. Sometimes when I go back through commentaries I wonder... What happened to that friend - still there is that skeleton of people that seem to stay and continue.. I'm so sorry for your pains.. Those things are hard to live with.

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    1. "that skeleton of people that seem to stay and continue..." I like that. Just like the skeleton crew that will always keep the ship afloat. ;-)

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  4. I do hope you are on the mend ~ I have lost three blog friends to death, which was very hard .. though I had never met them in person. They were poets and damned fine ones at that! I miss them. I used to have another blog .. Living Boldly, a kind of 'what was going on in my life' blog. Lots of followers, however I gave it up a few years ago ~ too difficult managing both. Very few of those followers made the jump to Poetry Matters, I miss them too.

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    1. I'm on the mend, indeed. And it feels kind of good, thank you.

      Friends who say goodbye are always missed. I think that like it happens in the case of those we lose to death, we can only hold on the the good bits that will forever be ours--the memories. But I know sometimes that doesn't help as much as we wish it would. I guess the new followers/friends will make new memories that can dance with the old.

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  5. May your pain leave.

    Amethyst is a healing stone but I'm sure you know that.

    Healing thoughts winging your way.

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    1. A friend just sent me a huge chunk of amethyst! We have been getting close and personal. ;-) Thanks a million for the healing thoughts. ♥

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  6. An amazing poem that moves me no end! I will have to keep it in my file of poems I would rather not live without. I believe that our past adheres to our bones and makes them thicken and stiffen and do nasty things to the tissues which bind them like herniated discs,etc ...not that all that was bad while living it. I hold onto things because of love. What did we not do with passion and embrace? And then, your prose provides another point and poem. Thank you for these images, strung together like a spinal column with a tail that still works! Lovers and community, snake skin metamorphosis, readings and writings and faiths too. Love.

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    1. Right now, I wish I could paint. I would love to be able to create a visual of what friendships do the body and the mind... What miracle of lines, colors and curves that would be.

      By the way, your last two sentences will stay with me for a long time...

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  7. Yes, people certainly do come and go in the blogosphere. It can be a bit of a revolving door at times. We just have to enjoy the journey with someone while we can and then let go gracefully when they move on for whatever reason.

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    1. Letting go gracefully might be one of the best things we can ever do for a relationship. Yep, I truly believe that.

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  8. I had a similar conversation with the Boyfriend about an hour ago. I've pretty much purged my entire blog from the last 4 years and anything I wanted to keep and edit has been reverted back to a draft. I've missed the connections I've made through blogging, which is probably the top reason I haven't deleted the entire thing to begin with. Some have moved on with life and some are still here (like you) that I read but don't always comment on..

    Sending you lots of healing energy darlin... I know how crappy chronic pain is but I don't think mine is as bad as yours. *hugs* rest well

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    1. I'm enjoying (and surprising) myself as I read the old things. Such changes... and the things I've forgotten... the feelings... I bet you're going through the same. May the editing be cleansing.

      Thanks for the healing thoughts. ♥

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  9. I'm always amazed if i look at a post on my blog from years gone by and see how few of the commenters are still around now, but some are, and for those i am grateful!

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    1. Life (and blogging) happens and we happen with it. We will always be happier if we move with it, and remember all the bits we should be grateful for. I will always be extra grateful for the day I stumbled into the garden, your voice and that of several other Toads have added music to song. ;-)

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  10. I wonder all the time about people I lost track of in the blogging world years ago. And then, at the same time, I find new people that I didn't know existed! A microcosm of life, death, and rebirth, as new relationships are formed and old ones fall away.

    I'm terrible with typos and have been known to look at five year old blog posts, and edit them. I need to stop it. No one else will critique my writing as harshly as I do.

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    1. Ah! A contained Circle of Life. Great reference, indeed. Sometimes the old must go before the new can say hello.

      I wonder why some of us are so harsh on our own creations...

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  11. I've found all kinds of wonderful people online (married one!) and yes, it's a little disconcerting when one disappears, or their online contact fades away. But then, not all friends are friends forever. Maybe that's as it should be? Isn't part of the joy of the internet finding new people?


    I'm sorry about your pain. I'm sorry that there isn't more than can be done; a fix, a cure. They can sew a hand back on but there's bugger all in the way of help for chronic pain. I hope this passes for you, although I'm as impressed as fuck at your ability to rise above it.(Yes. I used a word. I'm qualified!)

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    1. Love your prose xo

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    2. It's really hard to kick while we are whimpering on the ground. And you see, I have these great boots that I love to kick around, so there is when rising above comes from. *grin* Or it could just be that I'm surrounded by some of the most amazing individuals, and when that energy is around a soul... well, there is nothing but soaring to be done.

      I love your qualified use of "word." ;-D

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  12. First up, I just have to say how much I'm enjoying your poetry. It's so evocative!

    Going back through the comments from old posts is very telling. There were people who threw themselves into the blog world and then burned out very quickly. Some who have drifted towards other bloggy communities. Others who have stayed the distance. A handful of... um... let's just say,"Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know"... but not in the good way! ;) Fortunately, only one so far that I've had a really horrible experience with.

    I feel in a really happy place with Blogland friends these days. Such lovely, inspiring, gorgeous people, you are! ☺

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    1. You and I both. Seriously, I'm enjoying myself to no end. I love to be able to put so many thoughts into such few words. It keeps the muse happy and the soul exercised.

      I just roared at your "Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know" reference. I know it's not funny. It was a nervous laugh, lol!

      I, too, I'm a very content blogger at the moment. I think we've found a very lovely (and inspiring) group.

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  13. Such an amazing poem of love and loss - the before and after things went frigid. I really like the way you included the references to anatomy: the meat shroud, fossil and skeleton.

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    1. Margaret gave us such an organic prompt, didn't she? I've enjoyed all the poems I've read. It was enchanting how we went in so many directions, but in the end our worlds continued to point towards the solidity and enduring power of bone.

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  14. They say that people come into your life for a time, a reason, a season. I have found that to be very true in hindsight. I have moved a lot, had to make friends fast, and then had to leave them. I am always amazed at the ones that stay connected and the ones that drift away. There, also, comes a time when we have to walk away from hurtful family, which is what I really got from your piece. You are so right about how you come to rely on the acceptance and sustenance. But, people change, and even those you are related to can turn against you. You are so right in that all you can do when they try to latch on to give you grief is hake your tailbone until they fly off and you can dance away! As always, loved it!

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    1. When it comes to relationships, we should always remember all the poems and song that speak about living in the moment, methinks. Then after they are gone (if they do) we can appreciate that collection of well-lived moments for as long as we want.

      Dancing and haking it. I mean, "shaking" it. ;-D

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  16. I hate to hear of your pain. If I could I would make it disappear, but I'm not a wizard of peace, only a witch of hope.
    Love this poem. We come, we go, we love, we share, and then some of us just keep hanging on. Shake it sweetie. Oma Linda

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    1. Your witchy hope and hugs always make me feel better. So I shall shake, Oma love!

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  17. Everything is tied to that inexorable Wheel - our friends and foes, pains and pleasures, lessons (learned and taught). The turning Wheel is our dance partner. Shake off the old to make way for the new.

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    1. We wouldn't be us without the good and the bad bits that makes who we are. I guess, every time things feel really tough, we should remember that balancing thought.

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  18. yes, bloggers come and go. i have added and dropped blogs myself. some I continue to read but no longer comment on, or rarely. some I read and comment on regularly. some I only check in on periodically. just not enough time in the day. but I continue to write for personal reasons. I'm in my 6th year though every year there are fewer posts.

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    1. After reading your comment, I checked my blog post numbers from year to year... I didn't really pay special attention to it. Mine has fluctuated in the other direction; fewer in the beginning.

      Time is a trickster, isn't he? I have never been able to comment/visit every single blog friend all the time. For me it's a dance that changes from time to time.

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  19. I love "and outstep our old." I too live in a pain body, am writing about it this morning, so I hear you......I try to adapt to it, just incorporate it into my living as I refuse to let it stop me......especially from writing. My online friends are a lifeline to me, living indoors as much as I do........it is worrisome when someone who has been a friend stops blogging and disappears - one never knows what happened and one worries........I really resonate with your poem.....good work!

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    1. Your comment is an extension to my feelings, Sherry. Before my body started asking so much of me, I used to go dancing at least once a week, hiking all the time and run at least three times a week. Those activities came with a lot of friends... friends that began to dwindle when my lifestyle began to change. I found blogging a few years after that, and I've been holding on to the same "lifeline" you speak off. It think it's one of the reasons why I feel a bit upset when I hear people saying that online friends "aren't real friends." For some of us, some of these friends are like family... and the difference between being a person who stays indoor a lot and a person who stays home alone. May the lifeline stay strong. ♥

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  20. Love it Magaly. All those parent's hands do wonders on us don't they? From the tender caress to the slap of the hand, they guide us in ways, not necessarily the way the mom or dad intended. I will never forgive my Dad (even in Heaven, that's where he is and I will be also sort of soon) for the beatings he gave me. Some I may have deserved but not nearly even half of them.

    I like your little hint of anatomy of the Skelton's structure. My daughter broke her sacrum and it was very painful. The Tailbone (coccyx) connected to the Sacrum to the L5 Vertebra (5th Lumbar Vertebra) to the ...
    I crushed my L5 vertabra a couple of years ago. It was soooo very painful, I imagine as painful as my daughter's broken sacrum. My orthopedic doctor fixed it with an injection of bone cement. The hurt cleared up by the next morning (in the same orthopedic group with my other doctor who replaced my knee joint and doctored over my non-healing broken [other] knee cap practices).
    ..

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    1. Life leaves us with all kinds of mark, doesn't she? The good and the bad (plus the ones we can never quite label) make us exactly who we are... and that is always a good thing.

      Your orthopedic doctor sounds wonderful! I'm a tad jealous...

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    2. I hope my doctor is not reading this, lol!

      If you are Dr. L, You are wonderful, too. I blame all my issues on the stubbornness of my bones. *cough*

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  21. I'm so sorry you are in so much pain right now, my friend. I too have been having pain over the last few weeks, but the emotional kind. I hope the harvest moon brings you renewed strength.

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    1. The last few days have been a tad better, and I believe I'm moving towards even better *fingers crossed*.

      Emotional kind can be (and often is) so much more difficult to endure than the physical one. Perhaps because we can see the cut or the limp, but goodness how it hurts.

      I hope your blues change into happy bright purples, my friend.

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  22. Sorry for your pains and aches ~ But I too wonder about old blogging friends that just disappear ~ I really like this part best:

    your words sang fossils
    that forever strengthen my skeleton…

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    1. One day, I will learn how to pain musical word fossils... I just think they would look awesome. ;-)

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  23. I loved that verse (is that right? verse?) either way right or wrong I loved that.....for years I told my children that people come into our lives with a purpose but just because they do does not mean they are meant to stay, of course I said this when they were in high school and everything was the end of the world.....this week I realized that although we grow up we carry alot of that into our adult lives with us and replay it as adults and reminded myself of those same words I used to say to them......pain sometimes has such a way of creating clarity when we least expect it.....thank you for sharing

    sending love and healing for the pain! loads of it!

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    1. Thank you for the love, Tess!

      I think we all need to have those things said to us while growing up. We rarely listen, but warning stay with us (especially when they are given with love) and then we use them when we need them most. ♥

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  24. So sorry for your pain...Sometimes we have to shake off "friends" that bring storms to our lives...there is always a lesson...too often I am not prepared to be taught.

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    1. Thank you, Susie. And yes, it seems that a bit of "shaking" every now and again is very helpful for us all. ;-)

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  25. I am so sorry for your pain. Sometimes some friends are like collateral damage...we can't help but lose them for no reason. Still the skeleton of each remains...as you said till our bones.

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    1. "we can't help but lose them for no reason" You've just echoed the thoughts of one of my best friends. And I believe you are both correct.

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  26. You quoted me!! My proud Leo heart beats rapidly full of joy!
    I am sorry you are still in such pain. Mine has gone a little bit away for a few days but it returned in spades and then sweet release again. These ups and downs give me hope that one day i will finally be free of its steel grasp. Right now i am on my recliner with the hot pad on my back fighting back tears, but i remember that these days that went by, my body did things that it had n't been able to do in almost two years.
    Have you tried eft? It really helps me, you can do it in bed and it only takes a couple of minutes. Check it out on youtube.
    I send you wishes of perfect health, full recovery, speedy and complete release from pain!
    Lots and lots of love!

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    1. Roar, dearest Leo! Yours words resonate with so many (as I'm sure you noticed in the comments). And when words do that, they should repeated and preserved, methinks.

      I will check out your suggestion. My pain is better today, hope yours is too!

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  27. I am sorry you are in such pain my friend! I wish I could take it all away from you!
    I have to admit, some blog friends, that have left us, I do truly miss, but I cherish the time we had together! You better never leave ;o)
    Big Hugs xoxoxoxo

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    1. The pain is behaving itself these last few days. I'm sooo scared of jinxing myself, lol! But I think things will get better. I hope. ;-D

      Leave? Me? Never!

      Much love. ♥

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  28. Meat shroud :) I love your words!

    Yes, I feel sad when a great blog stops updating! It is a loss!

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    1. I'm quite fond of my words, too. ;-) *giggles*

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