Self-Medicating on Pure Happy until the High Makes the Body Blur

If we are friends on Facebook, you’ve probably already noticed that these last few weeks I’ve spent quite a bit of time speaking about chronic pain: baring my teeth at it, writing poetry about it, making fun of it, birthing more mildly delirious poetry out of it, dancing with it…

If you’ve ever grappled with chronic pain, you know why it has been in my mind so much: when the aches bite and bite, pain is the only thing in your mind… Yes, by “you” I mean “me.”

A person (possibly a relative *cough*) asked the question that tends to make anyone living with chronic pain grind their teeth and growl while visualizing shovels, heavy duty plastic bags and conveniently remote plots of soft soil… The person asked: “If you are in so much pain, how did you plan a wedding? I don’t want to say you aren’t really in pain, I’m sure you are, but I see you laughing and happy and I wonder if the pain is not just in your head.”

Smooth-handled shovel, large plastic bag, roomy trunk, soft dirt… *breathe, Magaly, breathe*  Yes, my Wicked Luvs, when people turn their ignorance into noises that sound like words, the best remedy against their nonsense is to breathe deeply and walk away. Trying to deal with them on the spot can result in jail time… or in filthy car trunks and satisfied grins you can’t explain to squeamish company.

I did not give the prick the satisfaction, but I have no issues answering the questions after I’ve breathed (and glared) a few times: I fight the frowns with smiles and overdose on all the bliss I can find because when chronic pain has a body by the neck (the leg or the hip or the shoulder or the gut…) it’s best to self-medicate with pure happiness until the Soul’s high makes the body blur.

And no, embracing happiness when I can find it doesn’t make the pain go away—nothing does—but the cackles and dance brought up by bliss soothe the flesh and enchant the soul.
  
Dancing with my Boy… I could barely move my arms and legs for two days after that, but the memory still makes me grin like a happy lunatic. I will think about that today, while I spend a glorious day drifting from appointment to appointment… I’ll think about shovels and dirt, too… Hey! Gardening is great therapy. Don’t believe me? Ask Stetson and Eliot. ;-)

40 comments:

  1. What a dick. And not the good kind...

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  2. People who don't know chronic pain, do not understand. You cannot always give your whole life over to it.

    Sometimes, just sometimes, knowing the consequences, you willingly pay the price for ignoring it. And, you do this without permission from those who watch and judge.

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    1. If we give our whole life all the time, there will be nothing left.

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  3. *sigh* The criticism of the ignorant.

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  4. Eliora has it spot on. Sometimes you can push the pain aside for a short time if there is something you want to pursue with a passion, but like Cinderella's coach it's time limited. There will also be consequences to pay for willfully ignoring the pain. It can take me a few days to recover from going out somewhere, it's made me a lot more choosy on where I go and who I want to spend my time with. Some people, occasions and places are worth the effort, others are not. Chronic pain is a battle ground, just the same as knowing how to fight it, you also need to know when to retreat and rest.

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    1. The body is very intelligent. We can't always listen to every single one of its wants, but we need to remember to give it the things it needs. Or might stop giving us the same... So yes, every now and then, we must see the wisdom of "retreat and rest."

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  5. I think people who ask questions like that, don't have the perserverance (sic) to push on.. they probably are the type to sit back and let someone else do it...

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    1. You know, I think you're right. No wonder...

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  6. Some people should have their mouths stitched shut. If they think your nor allowed to be happy because you have a life of physical pain they would never survive any illness. It is because we can embrace the happy that we can carry the pain. Keep dancing sweetcheeks :D XXX

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    1. *readies needle and thread and keeps on dancing* ♥

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  7. My granddad died of MS. I have too many friends that are suffering from Lupus and Fibro, so I hear the intake of breath when the pain of a movement surprises them. I have watched them wring their hands unconsciously trying to soothe the stinging or the pain or both. This makes me so angry when people say these things. The hardship of disbelief put upon the suffering by friends and family makes it worse (as you know). Sending you love and healing. <3

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    1. Sharon, you are an angel with her eyes and heart open... a miracle.

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  8. There are those that have souls and those that have an empty dull little spot where one should be. The ones with souls reach out and share all love and information freely enjoying the blending of consciousness, the others just keep saying huh?, duh? It is so obvious in life that the juicy people are living, albeit with whatever has been handed to them, abundantly and richly like you and many other precious lovelies, while the empty ones should be left to ask each other ass hat questions. Victory in pushing on to perfection my darling. Wishing you no witnesses to the shoveling......................

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    1. No wonder they spew so much gloom and doom. That "empty dull little spot" probably grows with the years and tries to spread... Well, we shall shovel it away.

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  9. Does the person in question expect you to sit miserably in a corner and never smile gain? Pfft!

    I love the dancing pics by the way :D

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    1. I believe you were in my mind when I asked of the individual, "Is the proper thing to do to jump in a ditch and die in a socially approved grotesque manner?"

      People are nuts...

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  10. This must be the season for flapping lips! ( and not the good kind!). I have a huge trunk, and ai know my way to NY!
    Pay no precious time to those coward nose breathers, they will be dealt with, your JoyFilled memories are your armour so Dance On My Pretty! xoDebi

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    1. Are there any good good "flapping lips"? LOL!

      If (when!) you come to New York, we'll dance until we blur. ;-D

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  11. You own your own pain. It belongs solely to you and to no other. Therefore, only you can decide the limitations that your pain places upon you. Or doesn't. It sounds like the questions posed to you were asked in ignorance, and yes, more than a little thoughtlessness, too. Regardless, it sounds as though you handled it well, even politely. But, I agree, you don't owe explanations and no one should judge another's troubles. Keep paddling and dancing, Magaly.

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    1. Can I use the paddle as a weapon of opportunity? Of course. It's mine. I own that paddle. I think I'll dance with it. ;-)

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  12. Aww... those captured moments of joyful dance are so lovely!

    I think those blessed with little or no physical ailments causing pain expect pain to be observable to them in some way or it doesn't exist. But if pain is a constant or frequent companion, we haven't got the luxury of waiting for it to leave before we can get on with living. ❤

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    1. If they only knew how lucky they are to be able, in this occasion, to learn by observing only... The practical applications of this lesson can be a real bitch.

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  13. I think I would have shot the relative.

    Nothing makes me madder than someone who says it's in my head, I'm not trying hard enough, maybe I should just try not to be sick. Well meaning people who are absolutely clueless and obviously never experienced chronic day-in-day-out pain.

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    1. When someone tries to dismiss the thing that has the power to make us so miserable, guns start to make all kinds of sense.

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  14. Sometimes I wish I could take chronic pain and inflict it on knuckleheads like your relative *cough*
    Dance your heart out, pain and all!

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    1. I wish, I wish, I wish... only for 15 minutes. That will probably shut them up for life.

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  15. If only opening the mouth and shoving in the foot caused as much pain to the speaker as it does to the listener. They do sound clumsy and the clumsy, as you know, can't dance and therefore never understand why you could (and should).

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    1. I knew there was a sensible explanation for all this! Also, not being able to dance probably makes them mad, which in turn... Well, you know.

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  16. I HATE that phrase..."it's all in your head..." Grrrrr! Family or no, I believe daydreaming of dirty trunks and shovels would be incredibly satisfying. Keep smiling and dancing dear Witch.

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    1. One of these days, I should probably say, "Yes, jerk, it's in my head. It just happens that my head also houses the organ that determines what hurts."

      *dancing*

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  17. People are assholes! Seriously! I would have helped you with the shovels and heavy duty plastic bags ;o)
    I love the pictures of you dancing ;o)
    Big Hugs ;o)

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    1. Only true friends will always be willing to drag your shovel. I'm lucky!

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  18. Good grief! Seriously! I tend to ask a lot of questions too and I really hope that I have never asked a question like that. Jeesh! You are too funny though - heavy shovel and plastic bags, hahaha. <3

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    1. I'm of the curious variety, too. I think our curiosity makes us better people. But you and me both have that some things are just ridiculous... But as long as we can make it laughable, we'll survive. ;-D

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  19. People like that are so frustrating, makes you just feel like giving up and lying in bed all day which is what you want to do! Seeing friends or having parties can be wonderful though, and happiness keeps you going!

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    1. But we shall Not give the pricks the satisfaction! (By the way, this is a paraphrased line from Heartbreak Ridge, one of my favorite movies).

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  20. Yeah, questions like that make me want to smack people upside the head. Do they not realize how ridiculous they sound? I've been asked a very many stupid questions over "invisible" ailments before. Anyone who's read me in the past knows how borderline homicidal that makes me.

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    1. "...borderline homicidal" hahaha!

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