There are levels of douchebagginess and delusions, which most of us will only experience at the most obscure of mythological levels. But every now and then, a royal douchebag turn his nonsense into sounds that almost mimic human words.
Today, I was lying on a massage table with a heat pad on my shoulder—loosening things up before therapy
torture—when another patient said
to his therapist, “Now I can tell you the difference between the Norse and the
Swedish.” The conversation had started last week. The patient had asked the
therapist about her culture, and she told him she was Swedish.
“Oh,” she said, taking notes about the patient’s progress. “That’s nice. I didn’t think we were all that different.”
“Very different,” he said, chuckling. “Take you and me. I’m Norse. You work for me. You are here to challenge me because I know I’m better than you. And you know…”
My head popped up so fast that I’m pretty sure I might have to start getting therapy to treat the whiplash. I could not believe the words that came out of that douchebag’s mouth. I looked at the girl. She was smiling and still taking notes, but her face and neck had flushed a furious shade of red. Mr. Delusional Douchebag continued running his trap for some time, but the therapist maintained her smile and professionalism until he was done.
After the idiot left the area, my therapist came to ask her if everything went well with her patient. “Was he okay today? Better at least?” When the girl just sighed and shrugged, my therapist continued the inquiry. “Did he do anything? What did he say this—”
“He acted like a douchebag,” I blurted out. “He’s an ignorant ass, a worthless tool, a delusional idiot, an uneducated piece of crap…” I might have said that Thor would be ashamed of him, but I can’t remember. I went on and on and on… Both therapists began to roar with laughter… Then I ran out of descriptors and started laughing, too. People will be people.
Now the White Rice with Coconut Milk recipe. By the way, this is the first time I measure the ingredients to make rice. I’m a loyal follower of the eyeballing cooking method. But my friend Lori is having tummy issues that restrict her diet. Rice seems to be good, so I wanted to share a tasty rice recipe that might be gentle on her tummy:
3 cups of long grain rice
3 cups of water
2 cups of coconut milk
2 tbs. of vegetable oil
1 tsp. of salt
1. Add the oil, salt, water and 1 cup of coconut milk to a cast iron pot (my pot is 4.5 quarts). Bring to a boil.
2. While you are waiting for the first ingredient to start boiling, wash the rice. Make sure you do it right before the water starts boiling, you don’t want it to start softening before time.
3. Add the rice to the boiling pot, and stir once or thrice to keep the rice from sticking too much. Don’t panic if some of it still sticks to the bottom.
4. Ready a piece of aluminum foil that can cover the top of the pot.
5. Once all the liquid evaporates, add the second cup of coconut milk. Stir until the coconut milk is evenly spread.
6. With your spoon, pile the rice towards the middle. That way you keep more rice from sticking. Place the aluminum foil over the top, and cover the pot with its lid.
7. Lower the heat. And cook on low for 28 minutes.
8. Uncover the rice. Be careful not to get burn with the steam. Turn the rice—scoop the bottom towards the top—so that it will cook evenly. Disregard the aluminum foil, cover the pot with its lid, and let it cook for five more minutes.
9. The rice should be tender inside and firm outside, and the grains should not be sticky.
10. Serve it.
11. Eat it.
12. Like it.
13. Yum it. Yes, to yum should be a very active verb.
I’m yumming my rice with a poach egg and some avocado salad with crushed almonds.