Of Douchebagginess, Delusions… and White Rice with Coconut Milk

There are levels of douchebagginess and delusions, which most of us will only experience at the most obscure of mythological levels. But every now and then, a royal douchebag turn his nonsense into sounds that almost mimic human words.

Today, I was lying on a massage table with a heat pad on my shoulder—loosening things up before therapy torture—when another patient said to his therapist, “Now I can tell you the difference between the Norse and the Swedish.” The conversation had started last week. The patient had asked the therapist about her culture, and she told him she was Swedish.

“Oh,” she said, taking notes about the patient’s progress. “That’s nice. I didn’t think we were all that different.”

“Very different,” he said, chuckling. “Take you and me. I’m Norse. You work for me. You are here to challenge me because I know I’m better than you. And you know

My head popped up so fast that I’m pretty sure I might have to start getting therapy to treat the whiplash. I could not believe the words that came out of that douchebag’s mouth. I looked at the girl. She was smiling and still taking notes, but her face and neck had flushed a furious shade of red. Mr. Delusional Douchebag continued running his trap for some time, but the therapist maintained her smile and professionalism until he was done.

After the idiot left the area, my therapist came to ask her if everything went well with her patient. “Was he okay today? Better at least?” When the girl just sighed and shrugged, my therapist continued the inquiry. “Did he do anything? What did he say this

“He acted like a douchebag,” I blurted out. “He’s an ignorant ass, a worthless tool, a delusional idiot, an uneducated piece of crap…” I might have said that Thor would be ashamed of him, but I can’t remember. I went on and on and on… Both therapists began to roar with laughter… Then I ran out of descriptors and started laughing, too. People will be people.


Now the White Rice with Coconut Milk recipe. By the way, this is the first time I measure the ingredients to make rice. I’m a loyal follower of the eyeballing cooking method. But my friend Lori is having tummy issues that restrict her diet. Rice seems to be good, so I wanted to share a tasty rice recipe that might be gentle on her tummy:

Ingredients
3 cups of long grain rice
3 cups of water
2 cups of coconut milk
2 tbs. of vegetable oil
1 tsp. of salt

Preparation
1. Add the oil, salt, water and 1 cup of coconut milk to a cast iron pot (my pot is 4.5 quarts). Bring to a boil.

2. While you are waiting for the first ingredient to start boiling, wash the rice. Make sure you do it right before the water starts boiling, you don’t want it to start softening before time.

3. Add the rice to the boiling pot, and stir once or thrice to keep the rice from sticking too much. Don’t panic if some of it still sticks to the bottom.

4. Ready a piece of aluminum foil that can cover the top of the pot.

5. Once all the liquid evaporates, add the second cup of coconut milk. Stir until the coconut milk is evenly spread.

6. With your spoon, pile the rice towards the middle. That way you keep more rice from sticking. Place the aluminum foil over the top, and cover the pot with its lid.

7. Lower the heat. And cook on low for 28 minutes.

8. Uncover the rice. Be careful not to get burn with the steam. Turn the rice—scoop the bottom towards the top—so that it will cook evenly. Disregard the aluminum foil, cover the pot with its lid, and let it cook for five more minutes.

9. The rice should be tender inside and firm outside, and the grains should not be sticky.
 
 
 
 

10. Serve it.

11. Eat it.

12. Like it.

13. Yum it. Yes, to yum should be a very active verb.

I’m yumming my rice with a poach egg and some avocado salad with crushed almonds.

46 comments:

  1. I love your tirade of the inappropriateness of said Ass Hat. I bet the therapists also loved it. You rock. xoxo Oma Linda

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    1. I think I remember hearing a shy thank you after all the laughter was had. ;-)

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  2. Another recipe I'm gonna have to try :-)

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    1. Oh and Thor would be beyond ashamed of that moron!!!

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    2. Poor Thor. Like the movies aren't enough shame, lol!

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  3. As a kid I gagged when trying coconut milk. I'm wondering if my adult taste buds will like it any better? You never know, right? I used to hate yams as a kid, but I like them now :-) I'm curious about that avocado salad too (love avocados!).

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    1. I used to hate rice when I was little. My mom used to be rather forceful about the importance of eating rice. There was a lot of gagging. Now, I love it. Maybe you'll like the taste of coconut milk now.

      The avocado salad has some crushed almonds, a bit of olive oil, a bit of salt and a drop of lime.

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  4. Oh that recipe seems divine! I have all ingredients!
    As for the douche.. extraordinairily well said! I hope you feel better after treatment!

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    1. I feel much better. My back is acting up, but the shoulder is behaving itself beautifully. ;-)

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  5. Thor is totally facepalming. And I am totally yumming - coconut rice AND avocado AND eggs? Yes!

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    1. I just pictured Thor "facepalming" and giggled. *hehehe*

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  6. Yeah, that douchebag better watch out for a lightning strike.

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    1. Particularly tomorrow, lol!

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  7. I probably better never work anywhere where I have to deal with people, because I have zero tolerance for anyone talking down to me. Amen that you said what that poor lady would not! And oh.. that rice looks amazing with coconut milk! YUM!

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    1. I'm sure she had lots of things to say to him. But when bills need to be paid... well, the brain seems to remind the tongue to curb its enthusiasm.

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  8. “He acted like a douchebag,” I blurted out. “He’s an ignorant ass, a worthless tool, a delusional idiot, an uneducated piece of crap…”

    Nuff said really! ;D

    I'm on a restricted diet for tummy issues right now, too, so thanks for sharing the rice recipe! ❤

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    1. Let me know it you like it!

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  9. Males do get weird when deamed less than half! ( okay! some males). I have always admired patience! in persons holding their own in silence,. Good thing you are weaken from your nuptials , it could have gone so bloody wrong!
    xoDebi

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  10. And once again you prove yourself a better person than I. He wouldn't have made it half way through hos speech before I interrupted him lol Norse my arse! :D XXX

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    1. Maybe the pain held me down, lol!

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  11. Ha! He does sound like a douchebag - well said. I'd love to know what Ms Misantropia has to say on the subject of Norse being better than Swedes :/

    Oh, I love coconut....and poached egg....and avocado.

    You've just made my stomach growl like a bear :)

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    1. And so you shall! :)

      Actually, despite the obvious douche-baggery I was a bit confused because "Norse" to me is a person who adheres to the old religion (the person can be Swedish, Norwegian, Danish, Icelandic, Finnish - or even any nationality in the world), whereas our immediate neighbors are called "Norwegians". So, did he think he was better because he was pagan or because he was Norwegian?

      If it was the former I can only say he is...well, still just a douche. If it's the latter there is actually a bit of a background story there. For hundreds of years Swedes considered themselves the "big brother" or leader or Scandinavia, and actually looked down on the other nations, almost as if they were sovereign states (which most of them were at one point or another). Since then there has been jokes between Swedes and Norwegians about who are better/smarter and who is the idiot. Of course, a while ago Norwegians found oil and are now the richest per capita and can therefore finally rub our faces in it.

      Oh, rivaling neighboring nations....

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    2. @ Yvonne, I am sooo glad you asked for Ms Misantropia's opinion. I was waiting to hear it, too.

      @ Ms Misantropia, the guy is just an idiot. One of the reasons why we all started laughing was after I explained to a few interested persons why I called him "uneducated." The man doesn't follow the Norse religion. If you ask me, he just watched Thor (the movie) and got a bit insane. Then again, maybe he knows about the oil, lol!

      And indeed on the "rivaling neighboring nations" quiet sigh. You should read/hear what Dominicans and Haitians call each other....

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    3. So, did you ever find out what nationality he is..?

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    4. U.S. born Norwegian...

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    5. Alright, now here comes my REAL issue... ;) This is what he needs to hear:

      I'm sorry you didn't grow up with enough of a nationalistic and historical anchor to give you context to...well, humanity - but that is no reason to claim and reinvent cultures in a nasty way and impose on and abuse others.

      Now Magaly, invite him to a drinking game, with real Snaps - the 90 proof kind. Then watch him writhe. (Actually, you might want a Swede to take on this challenge. Rice, fruit and caramel is just not gonna cut it :))

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    6. I'm not sure which I liked most: the fact that I'm considering to write the suggestion on a piece of paper and give it him, saying, "From one of my friends. She's a real Swede; or that I started roaring because before seeing the last line, I was already thinking, I hope I can get him drunk in mango juice. LOL!

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  12. Why is douchebag such an insult? I feel so uncomfortable with the term. I don't like it when something used by women past or present is used as a term of disgust. A douchebag was used by my mother's generation and even early in the feminist generation as a soothing way to clear up vaginal infections and to generally just keep clean. Calling a horrid person a douchbag suggests that what is flushed from the vagina is somehow yucky. Douche id the French word for shower which is really what it was all about - a gentle shower for the vagina. :)

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    1. Francie, I still douche. Many earthy women do. It's quite refreshing and healthy (if one uses the proper herbs).

      Anyhoo, what I wanted to say is that the term douchebag doesn't get it's "yucky" exclusively label from douche use for feminine cleansing. Did you know that enema applicators are also called douchebags? And although those are very convenient and healthy for people's with certain medical conditions, the symbolism held by what they contain after use is... well, a waste. Just like the douchebag in the post. A total waste of humanity.

      Words are so versatile... I think that's why I love them so much. ;-)

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    2. Change that to "label exclusively from..." and "people's" to "people." Goodness! I need to stop hitting "Publish" so fast. ;-(

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    3. I have to agree with Francie. I also object to the use of female(body)-associated words as something negative, and have had an issue with douche-bag in the past.

      I will have to admit though, that as a foreigner the word does not carry the same weight, and it does roll of the tongue very nicely.

      A have issues with such things as W.E.L.D.E.R. that supports words as slut and porn, but doesn't accept one of the oldest anglo-saxon words for the female genitalia; cunt.

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    4. I'm always surprised (and mildly confused) by people's judgement of the different meanings of words.

      For instance, someone would be outraged at the use of the word "cunt" to describe an undesirable person, but they are perfectly okay using the word "black" to denote ugliness and evil.

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  13. Oh Magaly I wish you were there in my life to cheer me up with such rants when I have to deal with horrible people! <3

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    1. Be careful what you wish for, lol!

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  14. No I didn't know that about enema applicators. Have never heard that used here. Yuck. People like that should be called enema bags. (hee hee) Better description!

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    1. We so need to start calling people enema bags when they act nasty. I definitely think it would stick. ;-D

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  15. Ahhhh, douchebagginess. Where I live I am surrounded with many of them. I call them white southern male rednecks.

    Love the recipe, will have to try it!

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    1. Isn't the world just a peach? With rotten bits even around the sweetest parts.

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  16. You are fantastic Magaly ;o) I wish we lived closer ;o)
    The recipe sounds excellent! We just bought coconut milk today ;o) I say, that is faith ;o)
    Big Hugs ;o)

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    1. If we lived closer we would never stop dancing. And by "we" I mean you, your mom and me, lol!

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    2. LOL! That would be a good thing ;o)

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  17. sounds good but my favorite rice is short grain brown rice. it has such a wonderful nutty taste and smells divine when cooking.

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    1. You can make it with short grain brown rice--with any kind of rice, really--all you have to do is adjust the water a bit. Brown rice requires a bit more. The coconut adds an extra touch of wildness. Tell you what, I'll make brown rice with coconut milk and pigeon peas and post the recipe--it's yummy! ;-)

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  18. I miss carbs. :P

    Speaking of shoulders.......I have been having one helluva time with my left one for the last 10 days. I can't raise my arm well and the pain shoots down into my hand. I thought of you when it started, I will have to try a heating pad.

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  19. Sounds delicious. Richard is having GI problems as well, maybe I can get him to eat it. (He's very stereotype-male and very stereotype-German with his food - give him some potatoes and half a cow, and he's happy.)

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