Dancing in the Center of Volatile Relationships

After yesterday’s post, more than one friend has remarked that my life is full of grownups who are inclined to throw tantrums—that is another description for men and women who tend to go bad-shit on those who have nothing but love (and perhaps a truth or three) for them.

I’ve been thinking about those words, even discussed them with my Piano Man and my friends Lorelei and Dee. And the four of us came to the same conclusion: sometimes (okay, most times) we need to remember to be kind and as understanding as we can be with people who don’t seem to deserve it because we know that we, too, have had those moments.

The currently unhappy friend from “Seeing Red and Spitting Fire,” for instance, was there for me during a period in my life when all I wanted to do was jump in a very cold hole and stay there until I could look at the world without hating it because it had left Death take my little brother from me. I didn’t lash out at her, perhaps because I’m not the lashing out type. But my goodness, did I say some generally awful things.

I think about those days, and I wonder how anyone (who didn’t have to) wanted to endure my company. And in a way, I had it a bit easier than she did. Let me explain… My brother was taken from me against his will. My friends husband chose to leave her. And that, my Wicked Luvs, has to make a soul feel all kinds of ugliness and rejection.

Right now, I’m so happy with my own life, with the people who fill it, with the things happening with my writing (I will tell you about this in a few weeks!) that I can take on anything the imps of misery throw my way. Seriously, the list of the awesome buries the not so splendid so deep in a lake of bliss that the nasty barely makes a ripple. If I had been going through a crappy period in my life, it might have been difficult to find a way (or the will) to understand my friend’s behavior. But at the moment I can stand in the center of the most volatile of relationships and still dance.

I believe that human beings should help each other to be happy. And when helping comes easy, my heart turns the “should” into a “must”. Someone once asked me, “Why would you choose to work with the dying, the disfigured; with people who have given up on hope…?”

The answer to the question is easy: I have enough hope and smiles for me and thirteen armies; the universe blessed me with soul-eyes that can see awesome wherever it lurks; I believe in the power of my most potent weapon: infectious heartfelt words and chronic positivity (extreme sexiness and total lack of modesty, too, but the last two rarely get the credit they deserve ;-). 

The picture below shows the latest of a collection of necklaces, charms, dolls... friends from around the world sent me, in an effort to be with my Piano Man and me on our special day. I’m sharing this one now because Mina, the author of Green Witch with Sprinkles, is fighting an illness that makes her body hurt so much that she can barely function. If she can share my happiness and add to it, while she’s agonizing, just imagine what the rest of us could do for each other while our hearts are bursting with love-filled delight (and manageable pain).
Be you. Love fiercely. Laugh. Crush misery under the steps of your happiest dancing moves. And if someone’s attitude needs a kick… change steps and get them in the shins while smiling.

34 comments:

  1. <3

    You do have "Soul-Eyes", which, combined with a voracious appetite to help, is one hell of a super-power, my friend.

    Oh, and that kick-in-the-shins dance move? I think it is called the Side-step :)

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    1. "I have the power!" I hope He-Man doesn't sue me. ;-D

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  2. I've said it before, and I'll say it til you believe me *what with you being so modest and all* You are a WAY better person than I am. Blessings little one <3 XXX

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    1. My modesty is legendary. And I've learned "WAY" awesome from those around me. *cough*

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  3. I am reminded always when I read your posts how happy I am to have found your wisdom in a sea of internet flotsam. You are something special, Miss Magaly. Truly. Some days you are a raging tempest with razor sharp words of truth/anger/pain, and others you are smiling balm to the soul. I always look forward to reading your latest.

    (completely unrelated to anything though...I've always wondered how your name is pronounced?)

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    1. I think that we should allow ourselves to be natural as often as we can. And you know that Nature has quite a temper... and then she kisses us with warm sun and cooling rain. ;-)

      And my name is pronounced ma-gá-LEE.

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  4. People can be ugly. It's a fact of life. We've all done it, and felt terrible afterward. I for one am glad I have people in my life that understand that. Sometimes we need to be able to be ugly, get all the hurt and anger out of ourselves and into the ether.

    Hopefully we are all lucky enough to have at least one person in our life that we can rail at, at the top of our lungs until our throat hurts about the pain and injustice and anger we are feeling. And after the smoke clears they can give us a healthy "ok are you done now? You're being an ass, but I understand and I still love you."

    I've been on both sides of that coin, and can truly say being on either side is a blessing. The unconditional love and understanding is something we all need.

    You understand you weren't the target, that's what makes you a beautiful soul. Keep reaching out to her. She needs you, or she wouldn't have attacked like that.

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    1. You last line says pretty much what I believe... some people just have a really strange way to ask for help. And every now and then we have to read between the lines (or between the insults if we can care enough). Sometimes reading between the lines is very difficult. Let's hope for good times.

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  5. I hear you, Magaly. We DO have to make allowances sometimes, it's true. But the key concept is "sometimes." If a person is habitually using you as a whipping post, it's time to set boundaries. Then if they don't respect those boundaries, time to drop them. I've had to learn that lesson myself over the years.

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    1. I completely agree. We should definitely draw the line at "whipping post." Too much is just too much!

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  6. You are a brilliant young lady and I love you ;o)
    I think what Debra said is very true too ;o)
    I have to light a candle for our Mina!
    Big Hugs ;o)

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    1. That's because I have so many wise friends, and that kind of yum is contagious. ;-D I, too, I'm keeping the light going for our Mina. ♥

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  7. Life never promised to be easy or straightforward always.....you know what and who you can handle. And as Gina has said so many times.....you are a better person than me too. I admire you love and caring abilities.....mine are more limited.
    And for Ms. Mina......if I could I would take it away in a heart beat. It makes me so sad to know she is suffering so.

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    1. I think you are an amazing woman. I also think that you've said a wonderful truth, we tend to take what we can handle--you are better at some things I wouldn't even be able to know how to deal with (super grandma and mega mom!).

      And yes, yes, yes, we should all keep our Mina close to our heart and attached to all the energy we can provide. I so miss her...

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  8. You're a doll, Magaly! ❤ A wicked doll, which is the very best kind! ;D And I'm finding myself laughing out loud at the mind picture of you dancing and shin-kicking!!

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    1. Did you see me baring teeth? LOL!

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    2. Seriously considers making a Magaly doll....

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    3. At the risk of constantly repeating myself... You must, Rhissanna!! ;D

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    4. Haha. There was plenty of shimmying and teeth baring action going on... and people were dropping like flies around you, Magaly!! ;D

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  9. Soundss like you've dealt with hard times and come through them. Glad for you! Thanks for the hard-won advice. K.

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    1. I think once we've nearing four decades, most of us have gone through so much that is almost easy to think that no one has had it as hard as we have. Maybe that's why I'm getting more patient... I wasn't so 15 years ago.

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  10. I love Mina from afar, the positive energy she gives others just who are lucky enough to absorb her, see her pictures, read her words & take comfort just by dropping by her blog, her virtual oasis she so generously shares for those others who are weary... all while she herself struggles with health issues.
    BTW, I have come to the conclusion, some people suck...
    suck your energy
    suck your happiness
    suck your generosity...
    BUT what they don't realise is if they GAVE out some of these things, to their friends, to strangers, it replenishes itself, taking joy in you & PM's upcoming celebrations for example, like, that has to make a real friend feel good, like happy, magic things happen, in a world full of crap, joy is there, but it takes someone who has it, to recognise it, and not dismiss it.

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    1. I know exactly what you mean with Mina. There is something about her words and sweetness that fills the soul with warmth. I miss her so much. Hm, I think I just said that to someone else, but it's true. I miss her like mad...

      What great chunk of wisdom you're spreading about the circle of giving and living. My grandma used to say that the more we gave, the more we had. So... Give on!

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  11. I'm so sorry to hear about Miss Mina. I hope she gets well, and soon.

    I have lashed out too many times to count. During times when I thought there was basically nothing left but sticks and weeds. It's hard for us to see that we are doing it, but eventually it becomes clear.

    Speaking of writing updates, there's one on my blog. ;) You'll probably howl when you read it.

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    1. One of the things about having people who truly love us in our lives is getting the chance of making things up. Because every now and again every one of us is going to lose it for some reason. We need to be able to make things well again. And no one is silly. We can tell when a friend is having a hard time and making nonsensical choices, and when a person is just happiness sucker and we need to run for the hills.

      I read the post, and it left me full of awesome questions. ;-D

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  12. Such wise advice!! Ha ha! I'm so happy for you - can't help but be happy reading this post, Magaly. :)

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    1. What makes you happy makes me dance and giggle. ;-D

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  13. I understand so very well that we shall share and multiply happiness we have, but at some point of time we also need that from others. I might sound bad but I decided not to care if someone shows no care too or pretends and then just breaks everything what ha sbeen building upo.. I am becoming a selfish mom-to-be, a protector of my own family. And I am glad of it.

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    1. The moment a person's behavior threatens us and/or those we love most, then we should bare our teeth! I don't think you're becoming selfish, just watchful and protective like you said. Love those that to us. ;-)

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