Trapped

The Sergeant was imposing.

“Let me out. Give me the gun,” he said.

“I can’t.” But I wanted to.

“Don’t let them cage me like this,” he said. “I’ll die here.”

I let him out.

He squeezed the trigger.

The left side of my head cracked wetly before his blood spilled on the padded floor. 


borrowed from Art by Mona

44 comments:

  1. Ohh! Very good! And hey, this is five words longer than a Minisaga. Love those things. They concentrate the mind, like writing poetry.

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    1. I've always loved Minisaga--the word and the form. You have such few words that you better say what you mean and mean what you say briefly.

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  2. Intriguing double twist there at the end.. an intriguing dialogue...

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    1. Intriguing is good around here. Weird, too. Yes, weird is good. ;-)

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  3. Thanks for pointing this out, Magaly. Will see what tumbles out of my head in response to the challenge...

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    1. I thought you'd like it. And would probably approach it with eyes closed. *grin*

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  4. Dark and provoking thoughts in my head now :D XXX

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    1. Thank goodness those dark and provoking thoughts are in your head. Just imagine the chaos if they were to ooze out...

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  5. Bloody recoil/backlash ...

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    1. Such appropriate word, "recoil"... and "bloody".

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  6. Replies
    1. Glad you think so. Thank you. ;-)

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  7. Very confronting and a powerful conclusion, I liked how you constructed this piece very well done in deed.

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    1. I'm quite fond of the structure, too, so thanks very much.

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  8. The ending was a good twist, so unexpected ~ Enjoyed this ~

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    1. Hooray! for surprises. Glad you enjoyed it.

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  9. Packed and played well...love the use of dialogue...I'll have to remember that...thank you!

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    1. Like Rhissanna said, in the very first comment, the prompt concentrates the mind. Thank you.

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  10. ouch...triggered well :)

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    1. "triggered well," I liked that.

      Fun fact, "Triggered" was the first titled I chose. ;-)

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    2. Um... make that "title" not "titled". I better finish my coffee!

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  11. A stark scene, well-expressed in 55 words.

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    1. Thanks very much, Kerry. Glad you think so.

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  12. I really got stuck on the last line... Whose blood is getting spilled? He pulled the trigger, yet his blood is spilled. Very intriguing and I like that! Great write!

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    1. The last line is a bit more twisted than the rest. Hm, I wonder, wonder, wonder...

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    2. ...I think the last two words are key to make sense of the entire thing. Then again, you know how these kind of things always make clear sense in the head of the creatrix.

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  13. Wow, too late for Tylenol!

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    1. You've just created a coffee-shooting-laugh. I hope you're pleased. *roaring*

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  14. A dark voyage into the deranged psyche, where all the shadowy forms are oneself. Nicely done.

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  15. Very good, very well written. ;)

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  16. Ooh, "cracked" was the perfect word to convey the horror of being shot. It made my stomach turn. Well done!
    K

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    1. This one made me cringe a bit, too.

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  17. Oh my, this is bad dream inducing ... and amazingly composed!

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    1. Let's think of rosemary and lavender and hope for good dreams...

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  18. So dark...but I love it!!

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    1. We like it dark around these parts. So happy you love it!

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  19. & here I am watching NCIS: LA while reading this....

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    1. Oooh, I just put the Little Princess to bed. Now I want to watch an episode, too.

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