Balls of Holy Steel and Ovaries of Earthy Tungsten

When a Self is born to a culture that places Others (family, community) before the Individual, then putting the wants and needs of Self first becomes a dare reserved for people with ovaries (or balls) of tungsten. No, my Wicked Luvs, steel would be way too soft to withstand the kind of fiery hell this topic tends to bring out of certain people.

A certain Mrs. Someone told me, “It must be easy to be you. No heart, no responsibilities, not a care in the world that doesn’t involve making you happy. Enjoy it. The day of judgment—

I hung up the phone on Mrs. Someone’s judgment. Not because I was afraid of what she thinks will happen on her omened day. I ended the call because listening to a person go on and on about how I will sizzle in her pits of self-righteousness, if I don’t live my life according to her whims, gets old rather quickly.

You are probably wondering what invited Mrs. Someone’s wrath. Well, she was upset because I didn’t celebrate my birthday like “normal people do.” According to her, I needed to have a party with a guest list that included all those “people who have the right to show me how much they care about me.” This was followed by how I will get the “chance to correct past wrongs” by not having a small wedding, and letting my “selfishness hurt other people’s feelings.” I nipped the you-must-have-a-wedding-for-other-people bit in the bud before the ridiculous concept could ever bloom in my soil.

Mrs. Someone changed topics. She started telling me about what people we both know have been up to. I smiled. I was almost sure we were having an okay conversation… until she told me that a person—whom I haven’t talked to in years, due to the fact that this being is the worst kind of Leech ever spawned—needs financial help. Because Mrs. Someone enjoys giving information I already know, I often indulge her need to speak by letting her repetitions dissolve in cellular phone blah-blah oblivion; people have things they need to get out of their chests, right?

Then Mrs. Someone said, “How much can you help with?”

“What?” I said, trying to find a thread of meaning. But cellular phone blah-blah oblivion devours information so damn efficiently. “Help with what?”

“[Leech] only needs a little something to start with,” Mrs. Someone said. “If we all pull together and help, it shouldn’t be that much money. It’s the right thing to do.”

I said no. And I reminded her why I was saying no. That’s when Mrs. Someone started to spew the bit about me having “no heart” and how I should “enjoy it” before “the day of judgment.”

I know that at least one of you is thinking, Witch, and why do you put up with such crap? You already know what Mrs. Someone is about. Just cut your losses and move on.

And that, my Wicked Luvs, is the tough part that comes with putting the Self first without forgetting that other people do the exact damn thing, even if they don’t see themselves doing it.

A bit confusing, I know… so let me continue explaining what I mean.

Putting ourselves before others is not the same thing as being selfish or heartless. It means (to me) that we love who we are enough to take care of us. It means that we’ve made a decision not to swim with the current, unless that current makes us happy. A happy Self-lover… (Not that kind of self-love, you perverts! That would be a different post).

Anyhoo, a happy and healthy Self-lover must recognize that he or she is in charge of protecting and cultivating his or her own joy tree. He or she eventually learns to understand that the fact that other people might be put out with his or her decision to put his or her Self first, those feelings don’t make them bad people or the enemy. It just makes them individuals in a group of other people just like them. And when a person has a bunch of copies of themselves telling him or her, “Yes dearie, you are doing the right thing, walking on the right path” and so on, he or she tends to believe that they have the secrets of the universe, and therefore they are right. Always.

Well, that’s a load of crap, Mrs. Someone. No one has the right to tell me what’s best for me, especially when the wellbeing of my body, my mind and my soul isn’t exactly what they are thinking of. Do what you must to make yourself happy. I approve. But if achieving your happiness involves an attempt at making me miserable, then do revise your plan. Please. For I suspect that your balls of holy steel will have nothing on my ovaries of earthy tungsten when it comes to defending my right to be me on my own terms.

“You’re so funny Mrs. Someone; popping that kind of jokes on a silly Witch.
Oh, holy sparkly vampires on super emo mode! You’re freaking serious. 
No, no, no I’m not laughing at you. It’s just that bullshit makes me cackle.”

40 comments:

  1. Why would someone think that being horrible to you would induce you to then lend money? Surely a better tactic would have been to...I don't know...be nice?!?!

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    1. People are strange creatures. And some don't even know it... methinks.

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  2. Hahahahahaha....was that someone telling you to cut off the dead wood anyone like me?....I is totally heartless..not even my blood kin are allowed to tell me how to live or "thwack!" off comes a limb. I am so impressed with the way you are handling this :D XXX

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    1. For someone who is totally heartless you IS all full of soul. Don't be too impressed, it's just practice (and good advice from heartless-soul-full Witches).

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  3. Oh boy, do I know that feeling. Having planned an intimate wedding more for everyone else's benefit because eloping was "selfish", I've put my foot down now that I'm hearing the same tired bullshit again since I'm knocked up. Being "selfish" and not stressing myself out is actually selfless right now, because stress is bad for the acorn... not that the "well meaning" strangers, friends and family want to hear that. But whatever. Fuck it. If they want to think I'm selfish, then let them. What they think isn't my business anyway.

    Ehem. But yea, taking care of yourself, your emotional well being and wants and needs isn't selfish. It's self love. And no one can dictate what that looks like, not even so called societal norms. And that whole "judgement day" argument is tired as shit, it needs a serious rest. <3

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    1. It's not the most comfortable place to be, is it? But the alternative would be unbearable... so we shall move on with our awesome selves. ;-D

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  4. Me. too. l lost my quiet little wedding in the office of a JP, wearing a darling ivory dress that I adored, to a by-my-mother-planned soiree at church, wearing a white gown (with a train and made by my mother) in front of my immediate family (turned out to be 75 people) Why? Because, "your father would turnover in his grave if you didn't have a proper wedding".

    If only I had been stronger, then . . .

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    1. And, NO ONE is, by nature (or otherwise), selfless

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    2. I think we strong enough just when we need to be. I look back at things I did, certain behaviors... and I'm kind of glad I wasn't all of me yet... not back then. For I'm not sure if I would have known how to deal with the results.

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  5. I smell of sulffer today so no comment... xoDebi

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  6. Ahh, self-righteousness. Fun stuff. When will people learn that you can't really help others, make others happy, unless you're happy to begin with?

    It amazes me, the level of the state of anti-thought that these people exist in.

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    1. "state of anti-thought" that should be added to the DSM.

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  7. Phuckem All, that's what I say. Have I left this comment before? Probably, LOL!

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    1. It seems that it hasn't been said enough, LOL!

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  8. Unbelievable! wow.. I am glad u stood up for yourself... I can count the times I could kick myself to hell and back for not opening my mouth and speaking my mind... Now I do!.. Good for you!.. Keep doing what u r doing... This way you will know who are truly your friends are and also u will see how genuine they are.

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    1. No one can be me as well as me, right? We all have those moments of looking back and wishing, "If only I..." I think that most times we did things exactly like they needed to be done.

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  9. Everyone up there ^ has already said everything I could possible want to impart. SO...I'm just gonna say keep doing what you are doing, keep on being self(ish)less and don't worry about pleasing anyone but you...and the Piano Man and Little Princess, of course...

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    1. So many intelligent people around here. My Piano Man and I are very lucky not to need to have to work doing what the other needs in order to be pleased. And with the Little Princess, well, it's different with kids--we all know that, right? The rules never apply with the babes. We play it by ear and do what must be done. They get to be selfish if they want, mostly because they don't know any better... most of the time.

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  10. I'll chime in and say, what they all said and my addition is............you are a tunsten ovary goddess. Smile on my darling. Oma Linda

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    1. That's it. I will go around telling people "I'm a tungsten ovary goddess. Oma told me!" ;-D

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  11. Ah, the familiar refrains of an "enabler". Oh, how I despise enablers. "They only need a small amount of money, even though they've already drained you for thousands in the past, you should give. It's the RIGHT thing to do." Honestly, I doubt very highly that narcissists and their enablers even know what "the right thing to do" actually is. They exist in their own little worlds. I'm sure that if a certain Leech I know in my own life had a way of having an enabler ask me for money, she damned well would. She tells me how poor she is on a daily basis, as it is.

    You did the right thing it cutting the enabler off. I really hope these people don't bring that kind of thing to your wedding.

    Ovaries of tungsten. I'm gonna use that. :P

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    1. Use the tungsten creed. Let them have it!

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  12. The arrogance of other people's assumptions regarding what is "right" and "wrong" on an inefficient and unworkable binary system never ceases to amaze and amuse me.

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    1. I second, third and even thirteenth Eliora's "Bravo!"

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  13. good grief, I would have hung up too! we've all had someone like this in our lives, expecting us to live life by their rules. Good for you for standing strong. There is nothing wrong with taking care of your own happiness, because if you are happy, then those around you are happy. (plus you send a good example)
    :-)

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    1. If we don't make ourselves happy, who will? So, happy it is... ;-)

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  14. It always amazes me when the attitude of 'you must help because (insert reason here)' rears its ugly heads, especially toward people who are generally undeserving of it. I applaud your No. I'm lucky in that I don't really face many pressures from my family, if I wanted to get married I would not have them insisting the entire family tree turn up. Besides, at the end of the day, what is wrong with making sure our own selves are happy and content? I don't mind sacrificing a little bit for people but (and this could me my own selfish bent) not at the expense of my own happiness and contentment.

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    1. It's amazing how those we truly need in our lives rarely make us fight for the honor of having them around.

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  15. I could feel my blood pressure rising as I read this! There must be something in the stars right now because all the asshats seem to have come out to play. There's nothing selfish in your wanting to celebrate your wedding, or any other special days, in your own way. What's selfish is someone trying to ruin the joy of important moments in YOUR life's journey, by making it all about them. ❤

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    1. There is something in the air indeed, and it's affecting the brain to mouth connectivity... hopefully is not chronic, LOL!

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  16. Hmmm... yet another person who wants to rule your life as per the rules...
    Thumbs up for standing your ground Magaly. There will be more and many more people like this, so doe sit mean you have to follow their ways? Moreover different people have different understanding of the situations, so what to do then?
    I know you are not upset and it is good you shared this with us :) Love your Friday (it is Friday here) smiles and cute faces :)

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    1. One of these days people will understand that the way they perceive the lives of other people have very little to do with the other people's realities. Then we'll smile so much more.

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  17. Wow. There is so much of this crap going around now. I too applaud your No. I envy your ability to put Self first. You make me want to paint a "Joy Tree" so that I have a visualization for moving toward this Self Love thing I hear u talk about. It sounds like an interesting concept. I salute your ovaries of earthy tungsten, Witch!

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    1. My ovaries of earthy tungsten salute you right back, my Sexy Sarah!

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  18. I love the word "Wolfram". In my head, he's kind of tall, broad shouldered, walks with a stoop and has a wall eye. No ovaries, though. I checked.

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    1. No ovaries? At all? What about balls? Did you check for any of those?

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  19. You have no heart? My ass you have no heart! I would have hung up the phone! Good for you standing up and being strong! Big Hugs ;o)

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    1. I'm pretty sure I just saw the glare of indignation on your face, lol!

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