I am so comfortably fixed in my own ways that every now and again I have a very difficult time seeing why other people act the way they do. And when I can’t understand the whys behind a situation, I try to find guidance in… well, all of you.
Yesterday afternoon, a friend approached me to discuss wedding reception arrangements.
“How are you dealing with the people you don’t like,” she said.
I stared at her, waiting for more information. When nothing came, I parroted, “Dealing with people I don’t like?”
“Where are you sitting them?” she said. “We’ve rented a reasonably big place.” She showed me a seating chart. “But regardless of where I put this person and that person, they are still in my line of vision. This should be a day for me and [husband-to-be]. I shouldn’t have to look at people who I can’t stand.” She broke into tears.
I didn’t say anything for a very long time… at first because I didn’t know how to comfort her, then because I was confused about the entire thing. After a while, and as gently as I could, I asked the question that had been dancing around my mind since the conversation started: “Why would you even consider inviting someone you dislike this much to your wedding? I’m sure you can tell your [husband-to-be] how you feel. He is an intelligent man, and he adores you, I’m sure he—”
“He hates them, too,” she began to cry again, “but we have to invite them. If we don’t, our families will be upset. People will talk. It’s what you do.”
We spoke for about two hours after that. By the end of the exchange, I was more confused than in the beginning: I found out that she hates her wedding colors (but they are a family tradition), her maid of honor is a family member she barely knows (but it just means so much to the family member in question) and the list goes on and on…
I told her that I didn’t think I could offer advice. Not because I didn’t think she had a problem, but because I could barely relate. I explained that I would have understood better, if it was a funeral—goodness forbid—or another important event that wasn’t centered around her and her fiancé. In this case, at least in my mind, the decisions should be made by them, especially when they are the ones paying for everything.
I asked her if I could blog about the issue, that many of you have lived longer than I have and have experienced life in different ways. She told me to go ahead, so here I am, my Wicked Luvs: have you been in this situation? If so, how did you deal with it? What do you recommend?
P.S. Today, I was supposed to blog about how I’m feeling better and about how thankful I am for your healing wishes. But life happens, right? And we happen with it… Still, thanks a million for all the sweet energy, my Wicked Luvs.