This Is Not the End of the World, Not Even Close to It

What to do when the universe takes our lives by the short hairs, laughs at the panic and pain in our faces, and then pulls hard?

Regardless of how you react to a particular event, there is always a clueless, bastardish, douchebag friend who tries to console you by pointing out how your behavior is either exaggerated or not exaggerated enough for the situation at hand. Unless, of course, you act exactly as they supposed they might’ve acted if they had been in your shoes… even if doing so would be absolutely out of character for you.

You might have noticed—since you aren’t blind—that I’m using the second person point of view quite a bit. That’s because this post is mostly not about me, but about a couple of friends and certain a-holes who claim to care about them. I’m not completely sure what’s going on in the universe, my Wicked Luvs, but something is making some people act like unfeeling beasts.

First Example: a spouse who suffers from the torments of insecurity and severe anxiety separation panics when her husband has to travel for business. She seeks the help of a friend, and the latter says, “Think positive, girl, he won’t be looking. Now you can go wild and do all the things you wished you could have done before you married.”  

Second Example: some idiot tries to make me feel better about my not being able to run anymore, by saying, “If you milk this the right way and sit on your ass, you can ride the VA buck and eat, shit and smile until you suck them dry.”

Third Example: someone’s best friend commits suicide, and at the funeral a friend tells him, “All will be fine. Look for god in your heart. He’ll help you see how you failed this soul and not let the same happen in the future.”

I just reread this post and almost deleted it… almost. You see, my best friend and I have been discussing the disadvantages of sharing negative things with other people—negativity tends to promote more negativity. I believe that. So why am I sharing this triad of callousness? Simple. Because I also believe that one of life’s most important key for survival involves kicking negativity in the teeth, over and over, until it bleeds the blood of death, change and rebirth, and turns into something positive.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking, my Wicked Luvs? It would take an act of magic—or at least serious emotional alchemy—to transmute the examples given above into something beneficial to anyone.

Or maybe not; sometimes, all we need to do is keep things simple: in this case, positivity can be achieved by remembering that this is not the end of the world, not even close to it. We have tomorrow and then the tomorrow after that one to make sure that we never act like the people in the three examples. And if we are very lucky—and have the patience for it—we might even get the time to point out to the people in question why they should probably revisit their helping/comforting/soul saving techniques.

Here is a mystery seedling and part of a millipede;
because sprouts make me happy,
and myriapodous arthropods need photo-loving, too

44 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to say I don't think it can be done. That last response to the friend who'd lost someone to suicide just cements all my views on people (and religion). And they aren't optimistic views.

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    1. Many people and religious groups can be very grim, but that isn't true about everyone. Take me, for instance, I'm realistic about the shortcomings of our society and its people, but I also think that we all aren't walking-talking-chunks of negativity. I know I'm not. And as much as I want to believe that I'm unique, I know I'm not the only one... and that makes me smile a bit. ;-)

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  2. I've encountered people like that and when I do, I distance myself from them... Frankly, I think they don't have a clue as to how to handle things, nor how to word them...The first person evidently wants attention and people fawning over her predicament... I think your idea is sound...The second person obviously has no idea what to say to you that is encouraging.. and btw, i bet that person would reap the advantages of the VA, and the third person just can't handle the topic of death! pure and simple... All 3 have negativity and those types, I sever myself from them... :-)

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    1. Sometimes people are so determined to help that they forget to exclude their own fears out of their efforts. And that seems to be the first step towards disaster.

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  3. Friend number two must have vast knowledge of how to work the system. People like that just irritate me to no end. I have one in the outer circle of friends and I want to scream every time he finds a new way yo get something for nothing. The sad thing is, he uses his kids and manipulates his health to bring in a few extra bucks each month.

    It is difficult at best when dealing with this negativity. An act of magic would be most welcome...

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    1. That is a little sickening. I know our system is a far removed from perfect as it can be, but this kind of leech doesn't help at all.

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  4. Perhaps there is alchemy in this...if we read these examples of humanity at their not so finest, maybe it will spark something in us, the next time we may be tempted to respond less than well to another human being's pleas for compassion. I know I'm not always a shining example of empathy. I have fallen short before and chances are I will again. So these examples remind me again to "not be THAT person", take a deep breath and ask myself if I am really helping a situation, or would I and the person I want to help be better served if I just filled my mouth with tea and sweets (or busied my typing fingers with crochet) instead.

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    1. Ditto! I've been in the situation where someone's troubles annoy me because "I would have done something about it." Arrogance is a huge cancer. And until we recognize that, we'll continue to eat up the good things in life.

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  5. Example 2 and 3 need to be slapped around a few times. That kind of negativity in the world is what makes people unbearable to live with.

    On the other hand, I thought you were going to talk about the impending doom of the Zombie Apocalypse. I was all, "YES! I can't wait!" or "Has it happened while I was sleeping? Let me get my cross bow and kantana, and I'll meet you outside."

    On a much lighter side, Wet Cat Wednsday has been posted. :)

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    1. I totally agree that example 1 could have been a good thing. If I was feeling a bit down because my Piano Man and I would be away from each other for an extended amount of time, that kind of comment would have made me laugh. I'm silly like that, and sarcasm and dark humor makes me grin. But sometimes people forget that not everyone is the same, and that they kind of need to cater their helping efforts...

      Now, I'm thinking about the Zombie Apocalypse and wet cats...

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  6. What I find sad about the three examples is that the 'friends' all react as if they're the ones in the situations. Not much of a friend if they can't step out of themselves.

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    1. We have a strange tendency to forget that we aren't solving a problem for ourselves, but offering an opinion about someone else's life... We can be a very weird bunch.

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  7. I could be glib and say "Oma don't suffer fools", but I do. I could also say, "this too will pass" but I won't. Ass hats are here for a reason.....to teach us (those who still have hearts and souls) what not to do. Otherwise I think they are here because they multiply faster than we can even imagine.
    I'm gonna do an old lady thing here and say....when I was a youngster, I would never have imagined saying (or thinking) most of what I hear today in casual conversation for fear that one of my elders would snatch me bald or give me a whipping. I feared authority, I respected my peers, I wanted to be a good person. I'm wondering where that went in the scheme of things? Just saying............

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    1. They way people--young and old--address each other these days still dumbfounds me. I used to think this happened because I am from a small town in the middle of nowhere, where everyone raised you, and you were barely aware of who was your family, so you just assumed everybody was... but no, the malady goes deeper than that. And yes, it's a shame.

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  8. I am more and more convinced that people have no idea of the power of words. They don't know the impact of what they say. They don't know how to protect themselves from the words of others. Those of us who live in the realms of magick should not be so naive.

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    1. I'm with you. We seem to have forgotten about the power of word and of orderly chaos of the universe. We go around mentioning things like "the rule of three," Karma and how energy can't be destroyed, but we forget about the applications of these words. If energy cannot be destroyed, then what happens with all the ugly with send out? More importantly, how is that ugly going to look when it gets back to us?

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  9. A friend and I used to say never let others know your vulnerability because they will use it as ammunition against you one day.

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    1. I used to have a family member who used to say that. I told her that she needed to be careful when selecting the people in her life and then go from there. For if we go around just keeping our true self hidden from everyone--because of fear of being hurt--then we'll be very lonely people.

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    2. Very interesting and wise words!!!

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  10. I think there are those people out there who are just on this earth to serve as a bad example... Empathy seem to be becoming a thing of the past. Some people are so wrapped up in how they feel that they have no interest in considering how another may feel. It's almost another form of racism - If you don't feel/look the same way I do, then you are less than me. Your feelings only matter if they are the same as mine...

    It's a very sad thing, and I believe that it's getting worse. There are so many closed minded people now, that there are few to teach the next generation that others matter. I don't see this post as sharing negativity. I think it is more of a call to action. If WE don't change this, speak up and say THIS IS WRONG then who will. It has to start somewhere. There have to be people who stand up and say it's not ok. ***steps off her soap box***

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    1. "Some people are so wrapped up in how they feel that they have no interest in considering how another may feel." So very true. If we just look beyond us, we might actually see.

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  11. I want to say something really interesting and intelligent here about this and well all I can think is people seem to have lost the ability to be compassionate without taking on the well I woulda done, shoulda done and coulda done......living positively doesn't mean it fixes all your problems in actual fact I think its exactly as you say you kick negativity in the teeth daily! multiple times a day, and stop trying to fix everyone just listen offer words of love, support and encouragement because in a blink we can all be there.....be human, be kind, be real......<3

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    1. The truth, even when seemingly simple, is always the most intelligent thing to be said, methinks.

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  12. Actually, I'm fine with the first one because the idea of 'thinking positive' might be grammatically dire, but it's the only path out of those anxiety/panic loops. How she qualifies thinking positive is a little clunky, but we can't assume that everyone else has their brains in gear when engaging mouth. People say stupid things, but they're not necessarily mean ones. We all say them. We've all said something to a friend or beloved we didn't know was cruel, and completely crushed them without even knowing it. Mea culpa.

    The one at the funeral, though? That's unforgivable.

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    1. I think that the key would be remembering that what might seem positive for her (the friend) is certainly not a positive or consoling thought for the one receiving the comment. I have a feeling that you and I would roar like lunatic at that comment, but someone who is afraid of being abandoned might not benefit from the thoughts such comment might evoke.

      And don't even get me started about the last person. Since the funeral of my little brother, I thought that no other funeral behavior would ever shock me, I'm not longer so sure...

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  13. "He’ll help you see how you failed this soul and not let the same happen in the future."

    Who the f**k says that to some one? That is the most insensitive, callous thing you could say to a person who is suffering the loss of some one they loved. (Insert expletive laden rant here). It is possible to transmute negativity into positivity but the funeral one? The only positive thing that could come from that is a severely hard whack upside the head for the insensitive douche who should have kept their religion and their mouth shut.

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    1. "Some people are so wrapped up in how they feel that they have no interest in considering how another may feel." This made me laugh aloud; the imagery! Thank you, lol!

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  14. I always say to people like the three examples, "Thanks...you've just shown me I'm not as terrible a person as I thought I was." Except for the third one. If I'd overheard that I think I would have said something I know I would (probably) regret later. But, sometimes my mouth gets in gear before my brain can catch up...

    Blessings,

    Victoria

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    1. Sometimes, we don't have a choice. Some people seem to have a "gift" for cutting the brain to mouth connection of others...

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  15. The only up-side to having grown up with a verbally-abusive parent is that, as an adult, I never let anyone talk to me in a rude or demeaning way. I heard it my entire childhood and I don't have time for one more fucking second. I've been known to spout back, but I generally just walk away when someone is is mid-sentence. I walk away with a smile and they are standing there with their mouths hanging open. Works for me!

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    1. In that sense, my dear Rue, we are very similar. Practice--even when the exercise is best unlearned--has its benefits. I've been known to not let people get to the end of hurtful or stupid remarks and leave them steeping in their nonsense. It's quite soothing, and it "works for me," too!

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  16. Right! We cannot negativity, ok, let's admit, it is there in our lives, but we can transfrom it and try to achieve more positiveness by doing good things or sharing good words at least. I do dislike when people try to show me the negative side of my behaviour.. well, I msut be doing same in regard to others, and I want to change this in me. There are way too many things that could have made me nearly insane, but my husband always says me to think positive, to think what all good we have in our life.. and we have a lot! Let's rejoice, let's live today and think that tomorrow will bring more happiness. I try to...

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    1. It's all about stopping, breathing, keeping ourselves from slapping an idiot in the teeth, and then trying to make good out of a bad thing. We should try, indeed. ;-)

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    2. I would slap the idiot in the teeth, sorry! ;o)

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  17. *picking my jaw up off the desk* Actually realised I was "open-mouthed" with disgust by that 3rd example of "loving kindness".......
    I have spent the last 5 years explaining to my baby sister that her friends suicide was not her(my sisters) fault...nor the friends mother's fault. They didn't "fail" to help her...she chose not to be helped. It infuriates me that anyone claims the ability to love, while deliberately "poking a wound" like that.
    And telling a "friend" that all their problems stem from being suppressed by the person they married??? Because that's how the first example reads to me....shamefully flippant.
    No to the comment about you sitting sponging of the State.....like you would EVER let your beautiful booty end up like that!...and you earned your keep ten times over serving your country...no shame required EVER!!! *stomps on idiots* XXX

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    1. People can be quite callous (and completely stupid) at times. I feel bad for your sister, having those feelings in one's heart can't be easy... and the idea of someone else trying to make us feel that our fears are true is disgusting.

      My butt shall never rest. ;-D

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  18. Shocking how negative people can be, and incredible to read your stories, an important reminder of the necessity to protect from those sorts of psychic attacks and to shield from negative influences. Take care, blessings hun xxx

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    1. People will be people. Sometimes, in the most terrible of ways...

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  19. Magaly, as you can see, I have been reading through your comments. I still can't believe what these people said in your post! I do truly believe you have to protect yourself everyday! I always surround myself with a bright white light. I always have my stones and crystals on me. But, I know there will be idiots out there! We have to turn the bad into good and we have to keep kicking negativity in the teeth! Big Hugs ;o)
    (I just saw my painting on the side! xoxoxox)

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    1. People can be quite insensitive and unaware--I really hope that the latter is the case, and they just don't realize how horribly they are acting. The alternative makes me a little sick and very cautious.

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  20. I see the sharing of those examples as positive. They are examples of how to be a fartwad, and that if you don't want to be a fartwad, you should not say fartwadish things like that to people. I actually had someone tell me that I should not be relieved at the death of someone recently. That's a fartwadish thing to say because that person had done absolutely no good for anyone in their lives, ever. Relief is not the same as throwing a bash or something on the eve of one's death.

    Moral of the story, don't be a greater societal fartwad. I think your examples could be used to change people in a positive way! :)

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    1. "examples of how to be a fartwad." That, my dear Renee, should be the title for something very funny and informative. I agree with your conclusion, too. ;-)

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    2. Ok, gonna have to steal "greater societal fartwad" That's priceless!!!

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    3. See? I'm not the only one attracted to yummy phrases! ;-)

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