Neglect

The detectives surveyed the room from the threshold, one squeezing an iPad and the other shining an industrial flashlight.

“I don’t get it,” said the one with the iPad. “Dozens of people walked through here. Did she tell you what happened?”

“Sort of,” said the other, the flash light nodding with his head. “She told me that rotting paint peeled the eyes. Noses sucked in the stink of mal-past time. Decaying walls shook when barely touched. Shrieks molested the ears. All came into the room—through it—and all failed to sense its neglect.”

“Not all.” The iPad shot a picture.

“No, not all; she also said her womb tasted the baby’s pain before any eyes saw the tiny corpse bundled up in the box under the table.” 

Note: “Black Rags” (225 words) takes place after “Neglect”.


Lee Plaza Hotel, Detroit, photo by Bonnie Beechler
for Magpie Tales 210

32 comments:

  1. Wow! Are these the first lines of a spellbinding novel? Should be!

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    Replies
    1. Hm, I wonder, wonder, wonder...

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  2. Reminds me of one of my favorite tv shows 'Almost Human' :)

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    Replies
    1. Really? I've never watched it. Must check it out.

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  3. Me likes!!! Will there be more?

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    1. Your reading greed makes me smile. ;-)

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    2. your artful writing makes me greedily smile :)

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  4. Nasty and mysterious - I love me some crime!

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    1. As do I. Oh, I think you'll really love Blooming Howls. There is lots of "nasty and mysterious" going around. ;-D

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  5. Very mysterious!! Makes me shiver!

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    Replies
    1. A little shiver is good to reboot the nerves. Or so I've heard...

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  6. The ending is like a cliffhanger... I am so curious now. Brilliantly penned

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    Replies
    1. I think I'm curious, too. I might have to write it.

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  7. I never even saw that box until I read this. Cool entry!

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    1. I looked at the picture a few times before I saw the box. Then I wondered how many people experienced the same...

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  8. Still born , like our hulking , rotting , post industrial wet dream
    This one tremors, mate ....well done

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    1. I think you've written a tale in this comment. A tale of horror and things that leave the hairs standing on ends... my favorites!

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  9. GREAT! Now I want more ....

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    1. I do like a bit (or a lot) or reader's greed. I approve. ;-D

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  10. An excellent and chill in take of woe and yes detectives! It rings so like my fave Criminal Minds show too!

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    1. I LOVE Criminal Minds, and I'm a devoted fan of Law & Order: Criminal Intent, too. I wonder if that's where the inspiration came from...

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  11. Yes, great crime novel material here.

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    Replies
    1. I might have to get mysterious and investigative and writing on. ;-D

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  12. Raw and dark...delivered in a cool nonchalant way...

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    Replies
    1. I like that description. A lot.

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  13. Love how unexpectedly this tips into horror and in awe of your freakin' observation skills. Is this a military thing?

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    Replies
    1. I'm pretty sure is a nosiness thing. *cough*

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  14. Replies
    1. It made me sad, too. I will write more on it, and I get a little nervous thinking where it might go. I shall take this one very slow...

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  15. I got goosebumps on my skin, and chills slithered down my spine. Wow. Just, wow. You're right, I'm a little scared of where this could go too, but I'll still read it.

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    1. I would probably write it in late spring or summer, when the sun is warm and Nature is feeling fresh. Let's hope that what comes out of it will be as good as something in this situation can be...

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