“I envy you sometimes. Is that bad? How many swallows do you have left? I’m almost out. Not bad envy. Just want to look at life with your face sometimes. Show my teeth to it like you did to First Sergeant when Doc was stitching your butt. You were so pissed off. It’s not bad envy… I’m tired of this dark hole…”
“Zero swallows. I changed to coffee ages ago. And I wasn’t baring my teeth at First Sergeant. I was trying not to fart. Have you ever gotten stitches on an ass-cheek? No fun. Okay, I didn’t want to cry in front of First Sergeant—I swear that damn needle was on fire—so I bared my teeth. But I was scared. Do you remember [when] I couldn’t fall asleep without my hammer? I was scared for a long time. I guess that was my black hole…”
“…a half written note attached, and all those little crystals, that I was gonna braid together with some string, in to a cute bracelet, that you might not even want to wear…”
“…in my book, stones work like intentions, the shape and the way… doesn’t matter much. What counts is what you put behind them. So smile at them… do with them what feels right in your heart AND when it feels right.”
“This autumn feels different than the others that came before. The closeness of the air is something I have not felt since I was a kid… There is magic in the air and I am just sitting and watching the signs because I can’t get out there and grab them. Light a candle for me. I’m not afraid… I want to move and dance and play and that is all tangled up with tendrils of real life things that are tripping me up. I will… move through this depression… send me some of your strength to make it through this hopefully short dark tunnel…”
“I just lit a citrus and rosemary candle for you. To give you a little boost… let’s hope that tomorrow’s cooler winds bring some respite. I will…wait for the sun in the morning. I will feed the ground and ask the Great Mother to take away some of your pain.”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“Okay. I’m here when you want to. If you want to, okay? I love you.”
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Every now and then Life dresses up in chaos…
I had planned to dress my Autumn Equinox altar in black and red. I had planned to get up early to make corn muffins and coffee; honey on everything. I had planned to write something bright and happy; full of the warm browns and juicy oranges that will soon decorate Mother Nature’s skirt…
Then, as I rearranged my altar, recent exchanges came to mind (some quoted above) … My heart filled with the words of friends in pain… I felt unbalanced and found myself searching for extra ears and extra shoulders and extra hands… So I invited all the Seasons to my altar. Yes, I know we’re supposed to be celebrating the Autumn Equinox. But every now and then life happens wildly… I believe that when things are at their wildest, balance might be achieved if we stand together… even if in silence and thousands of miles from each other.
May the Universe bless us with Balance…
In Darkness? Light!