Twisting Energies


A witchy soul’s most valuable power is the ability (and willingness) to twist energy. This is what lives at the heart of magic: determination and skill that allows a Witch to push her or his will into feelings, drive and intentions, and turn raw energy into something useful. I’ve become quite adept at turning rage into speed. Nothing decreases my run time as much as recalling a moment when someone really pissed me off.

While in the Marine Corps, at the beginning of my physical training tests, I would bring to mind every idiot who had ever cut me off and then gave me the finger. The fury would set my adrenaline on fire and my brain would fail to tell my lungs just how much the running burned. I was only able to fool my lungs and legs for about 2.75 miles, so I needed something else to reach the end at a good speed: I would picture my favorite person in the world waiting for me at the finish line… holding a cold beer and a mango.

Today, I’m grieving. And I know I’ll be down in the dumps for a while. As energies go, fury is hot and it runs out fast. Grief, on the other hand, is thick… dark… slow… and capable of consuming the soul until it leaves behind something unrecognizable.

I refuse to be eaten or changed without my consent. However, I understand that grief must be allowed to run through my heart, naturally. I can’t fuel my runs with tears; neither am I able to twist this kind of sobbing into something welcoming or pretty. But I can turn the pain into a balanced story (or three).

So… to those of you who have wondered what I’ll do to move on after my brother’s death, I say that I will accept my grief, I will digest it, I will treasure the time I spent with my brother, I will live, I will write… 
 I first saw this image in What Dreams May Come, one of my favorite movies EVER,
it reminds me that grief doesn’t always have to stay ugly, dark, or consuming.
via 

40 comments:

  1. ....and we can be the welcoming arms waiting at the finish line for you.... XXX

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    1. With you waiting for me at the finish line, I see myself leaving even the wind to swallow my dust ;-)

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  2. Because there is nothing else to be done.

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    1. Indeed, Diandra. When there is nothing else to be done, one must do what needs to be done.

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    1. Right back at you, my dear LJ ;-)

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    1. Thanks your Bella, you are loved too ;-)

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  5. because you will accept nothing less from yourself. as Gina said we will be cheering you on and waiting for you at the finish line. xoxo Oma Linda

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    1. Nothing can end me if I don't let it, right? So I will keep on keeping... especially with the wisest and most loving of witchy souls by my side ;-)

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  6. I was going to say the best way to deal with grief is to get creative. But I see you're already doing that. Another good thing, is lots of hugs. ((((HUGS)))

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    1. Great witchy minds deal with the world alike ;-)

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  7. I have only lost one person who really was part of my life in a positive way, that was my aunt Silvia with whom I shared a birthday, she too was a witch. Although, I didnt understand until my late teen years. When I lost her, I never did really. I think its the notion that they are gone that pains us. But they are not, I never felt lost for her, sure I miss her and cry a bit every now and then. I keep an altar in my kitchen for my ancestors and she sits there, I see her every day. If I miss her I light a candle. I know she is with me and still a big part of my life. My point, your brother is not gone. Remember we are energy, energy can NOT be destroyed it can only change form. His energy is still with you. As souls we travel together with a group of souls with whom we are growing with in this great journey, we call life. He is still around loving you as much as you love him. Bless it be

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    1. I will miss the chance of watching him see his daughter grow. I will miss our fights: ganging up against a common adversary and glaring at each other, too. I will miss his physical smile, the lines that never touched the corner of his eyes, the salt and pepper garnishing his hair with experience... but as you say, I know he is with me in spirit. Still, I miss him...

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  8. I lost a firend in a car crash years ago. When he died I knew that i would never marry. My mother, who had lived thru WW2 and lost so many young men, had this advice for me: You just keep on going. And so you will, Magaly. I'm looking forward to reading what you say as you 'keep on going'.

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    1. We must keep on going, keep on living to honor their memory... letting the grief cloak our lives with death-like behavior would be an insult to Nature. Methinks. I will 'keep on going,' too ;-)

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  9. I can't even imagine what you're going through, I've never lost anyone close before. *hugz*

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    1. I don't think that it can be explain. For even if you were to understand my pain through my words, yours would hurt different. Thanks for the fancy "hugz" ;-)

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  10. Grieving has its own timetable alright. Hugs to you, Magaly.

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    1. And that timetable won't be denied...

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  11. Grieving takes its' own time. I look forward to seeing how grief colours your words.

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    1. What's coming out now is dark and angry, fueled by the behavior of a few during my little brother's funeral (I think). I will let the nastiness out for a while, reread it, make sense of it, then I will share some along with the pretties ;-)

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  12. Thanks for this post Magaly. I did real well for the first month after my Mom passed, then plummeted. I'm still struggling. I'm doing everything I can think of, but this stuff is tough to beat. Hang in there, lady! ((HUG))

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    1. I've thought of you a lot these days, Reba. I remember how it was for you at the beginning and tell myself that I, too, will be strong. There are times when I just do what needs to be done and go forward, other times I pulled over, park my car and wail... I'm hoping for balance.

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  13. That picture is stunning. You've always seemed like a phoenix kind of gal to me. Rise from the grief - only when you are ready. Hugs & love to you.

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    1. I looked at that picture for a long time. Told myself that I will stay underwater (or under-paint) for a while, collect colors, reshape visions, and then fly into tomorrow. Hugs right back at you.

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  14. What Dreams May come is an incredible movie, beautiful, colorful, fascinating and sad, but with a broad ray of hope, that somewhere there we will meet again, though in slightly different appearance...
    You have to keep on writing and creating, Magaly, otherwise your inner strength will be blocked and might get hurt even more. Memories about your brother,, his bright smile and kind face will be your strength now. I know it might be easier to say, especially when I'm not going through all the pain and grief you going through..but on the level of Universe's mystical powers, we all can take your pain too, and understand it.
    You are not alone.

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    1. It is a wonderful movie. I'm not sure how many times I've watched it: many. I love the colors, the ideas, the way the characters love each other, and most of all, the hope.

      I will create in him, for him, for me, for us ;-)

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  15. As you walk through this valley...may your love shine a light at your feet and guide your path.
    Hugging you
    SueAnn

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    1. May the shine be warm and abundant...

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  16. Yes, I think one of the best things I did for myself was learn to grieve ~ there are no shortcuts but it's worth the time we spend allowing ourselves to go through the process. Oh and, damn good taste in movies!!
    ♥Sharon

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    1. In some cases, shortcuts can be the fastest paths to long, long, long and difficult walks... so like my math professor used to say: "Skip no steps, and you'll always remember the whys and the hows."

      And ditto on movie tastes. Maybe one of these days we'll get to discuss Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind ;-)

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  17. Replies
    1. Right back at you, my crow goddess.

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  18. Your pain is felt by many, as is your Love.

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    1. When shared, pain diminishes. In the case of love, sharing makes it grow. We are in a good path ;-)

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  19. HUGS! Again let me know if you need anything you're only a train ride away!

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  20. Peach pie.

    Dulce de Leche.

    Strawberry wine.

    A hysterically hilarious movie.

    And a bit of dancing... Okay, a lot of dancing ;-)

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    1. Sounds good (except the peach pie but I can get you some)

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