Since Jacob and I got back together, I’ve received a lot of I’m-Experiencing-the-Same-Thing-You-Went-Through emails… more than five in the last two weeks. Some have been very specific and asked me not to put any information that might hint at their relationship, for they are afraid their significant others might stumble into Pagan Culture and read about it—yep, my Luvs, we are that popular ;-)
I will summarize and say that the emails have come from male and female Wicked Darlings, some regular readers, others I’ve never heard of, a few with kids, several married… two—and they are the ones I feel the most for—have been in a comfortable but unfulfilling relationship for years, and wanting out.
Although phrased in different ways, every person who has emailed me has asked the same questions: How were you able to leave a stable relationship with someone you loved and loved you for another that had already failed twice, aren’t you afraid of failing again and ending up sad and alone?
I replied to them separately, but I want to share the gist of it with everyone. It is always difficult to leave someone with whom you have spent a lot of time and shared pleasant experiences… so I did it carefully, honestly, and compassionately—it wasn’t an easy thing to do for any of the parties involved.
The rest of the question is complex, but I’ve thought about the topic so much and for so long that it has become easy to answer. You see, when I first married Jacob I was young and KNEW that love was unbeatable. Today, I’m old enough to understand the naïve ridiculousness of that belief. Relationships can end, even if those involved love each other to pieces. That last bit is what helps me take my fears of failure, kiss them full in the mouth, and send them in their merry way.
I’m not ashamed to say that I’m no stranger to the fear of losing my heart again. So is Jacob. And that helps. We use the knowledge to make this third chance at loving each other—yes, third chance, m’Luvs—the best. We don’t dwell on the past, but we embrace the lessons it has taught us. And because we know how much it hurts to be without each other, we spend every second we have loving the other hard and soaking in the love we make.
I will borrow one of my friend Kim’s favorite quotes, and say that “There is a ‘lie’ in believe, ‘over’ in lover, ‘end’ in friend, ‘us’ in trust, and ‘if’ in life. Do it anyway.”
I’m loving the gifts…
If the end comes... well, I shall cry over that bridge if I get there. Today, I love loud, hard and often ;-)