There Is a Lie in Believe, an Over in Lover… Do It Anyway


Since Jacob and I got back together, I’ve received a lot of I’m-Experiencing-the-Same-Thing-You-Went-Through emails… more than five in the last two weeks. Some have been very specific and asked me not to put any information that might hint at their relationship, for they are afraid their significant others might stumble into Pagan Culture and read about it—yep, my Luvs, we are that popular ;-)

I will summarize and say that the emails have come from male and female Wicked Darlings, some regular readers, others I’ve never heard of, a few with kids, several married… two—and they are the ones I feel the most for—have been in a comfortable but unfulfilling relationship for years, and wanting out.

Although phrased in different ways, every person who has emailed me has asked the same questions: How were you able to leave a stable relationship with someone you loved and loved you for another that had already failed twice, aren’t you afraid of failing again and ending up sad and alone?

I replied to them separately, but I want to share the gist of it with everyone. It is always difficult to leave someone with whom you have spent a lot of time and shared pleasant experiences… so I did it carefully, honestly, and compassionately—it wasn’t an easy thing to do for any of the parties involved.

The rest of the question is complex, but I’ve thought about the topic so much and for so long that it has become easy to answer. You see, when I first married Jacob I was young and KNEW that love was unbeatable. Today, I’m old enough to understand the naïve ridiculousness of that belief. Relationships can end, even if those involved love each other to pieces. That last bit is what helps me take my fears of failure, kiss them full in the mouth, and send them in their merry way.

I’m not ashamed to say that I’m no stranger to the fear of losing my heart again. So is Jacob. And that helps. We use the knowledge to make this third chance at loving each other—yes, third chance, m’Luvs—the best. We don’t dwell on the past, but we embrace the lessons it has taught us. And because we know how much it hurts to be without each other, we spend every second we have loving the other hard and soaking in the love we make. 

I will borrow one of my friend Kim’s favorite quotes, and say that “There is a ‘lie’ in believe, ‘over’ in lover, ‘end’ in friend, ‘us’ in trust, and ‘if’ in life. Do it anyway.” 

I’m loving the gifts…

If the end comes... well, I shall cry over that bridge if I get there. Today, I love loud, hard and often ;-) 

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36 comments:

  1. You are so wise Magaly, I adore you for these posts.

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    1. I will accept the compliment because I'm an Aries and we love to have our ego pampered lol

      Life's bump tend to make us wiser or a bit dumber. I like the first group better. I'm happy you like these posts. I enjoy writing them ;-)

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  2. I wish you all the best! You wouldn't be Magaly if your heart didn't lead.

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    1. Talking about wise women...

      My heart is at driver seat, indeed, but my brain is a relentless backseat driver when it comes to living ;-)

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  3. you just spoke out loud what many of us are afraid to admit: relationship end, and even love can't help it. you know living my life with a man I love, with a man I left everything for, I still feel that our relations could be much better, more, yes, fulfilling, more enjoyable, more sharing. but I'm happy just to be with him, just to keep my head on his chest and feel so peaceful... because he is with me.that's all I need at the moment, rest is mythology.
    Have an enjoyable day! Anna

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    1. You know, Anna, I'm always saying that. Okay, not "always" but at least since I started writing Pagan Culture. I've figured out that no one is as alone in their happiness (or suffering) as they believe themselves to be, they are just not sharing.

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    2. perhaps... I'll try to share more:)

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    3. Your soul will let you know if you should or not...

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  4. Just as with life, the acceptance that things will inevitable come to an end one day makes each moment they exist more precious :D XXX

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    1. The whole bit about living each day like it was your last is one of those cliches I will always support. The alternative is... well, not living.

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  5. My advice, (totally uncalled for, I know), is: Just hold on as long as you can to every single day, Magaly. All things end, one way or the other.

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    1. I'm always asking for your advice, Francie. Only silly people don't ask for the guidance of those who have lived more than them. I will hold on with hands, legs and a little teeth, just in case ;-)

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  6. My, I'm far behind in things! Wishing you two light and love and happiness. Third times a charm, most of us say

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    1. It has been a while indeed, Lora Luv! I hope all is well. I shall go visit you in a bit to see what you are doing. And yes, third times and all that ;-)

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  7. Love, when applied to human relationships, has a tendency to evolve. Not always in the direction we would have chosen, but evolve it does. When love evolves, the question becomes: Do I love the pros more than the cons?

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    1. How true that is... sometimes staying together or not is reduced to how much bad (or not quite so perfect) we can put up with in order to keep the delicious ;-)

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  8. Life is not promised as being easy or teflon covered.....those who are willing to take chances are the winners. Those who make do, unfortunately never will know the raw edge that has the most flavor. Magaly my dear, you are true to yourself and I honor you choices and envy your wild ways. Blessings of the season and of the heart, Oma Linda

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    1. What a lucky Witch I am to have one of my favorite persons in the world honor my choices and envy my wild ways. I will grin all day ;-)

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  9. Wow, thanks for getting all open with us. :) I know relationships are not easy. If they were, in our day and age they wouldn't be valuable. I wish you two lots of love joy and happiness. I've been through lots too, and I'm married. So if it is worth it, keep at it, and if it isn't darling just leave it. Because you will always be worth your happiness and desires. :) Happy holidays to your household.

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    1. Life is boring when not shared, so... well, you know. And yes, most valuable things require a lot of work. What makes them so amazing is that they are so pleasurable that the work feels like place. Happy holidays right back at you ;-)

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  10. I needed to read this today. Thank you, wise Witch.

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    1. I'm glad to provide, my Beach Fire Dancer. I hope the hubby's ribs are well enough to put together that bonfire for the Winter Solstice ;-)

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  11. It does take a certain amount of inner strength to start something that has once failed. That goes for other aspects of life, not just relationships.

    I'm glad that I never had any problems in my relationship. I don't know if I would be that willing to try again. I know for a fact Dh wouldn't be.

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    1. Strength, dedication, a good foundation, and feelings that keep your soul and body on fire, when it comes to relationships. For the rest of life, it takes guts, confidence, opportunity and many times necessity. Love for a good challenge always helps, too ;-)

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    2. Don't get me wrong, Dh would certainly be worth the fight and I hope he'd feel the same way about me. But he's been burned many times. Perhaps if it was anything else but infidelity he'd try again. But I know that if I ever cheated on him, (not that I would) he'd be gone in a heartbeat without so much as a second glance.

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    3. Cheaters, liars, and pretty much a-holes get nothing from me. In my heart, to lie and cheat is one of the biggest signs of disrespect. I can't love someone who I don't trust or respect, so there would be nothing to work on.

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  12. The heart wants what it wants. I've heard this so many times before, and I still believe it is true. Go and love and want what you want. This is what life is about! Wishing you every good thing!

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    1. True indeed. We can fight and even walk away from things that make us feel alive, but our hearts (and hormones) will always remind us where we belong ;-)

      Have a Winter Solstice Blast!

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  13. You are a very wise woman my friend! I am wishing you and Jacob all the love in the world ;o)

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    1. If you guys keep on calling me wise, I will have to change my prefix from Wicked to Wise ;-)

      Thanks for the good wishes, Stacy. You rock!

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  14. Relationships take work, and that you are both older and wiser this time around will only help you.

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    1. You have said it well. Only the very young can say that time doesn't change a thing. It's difficult to believe that I was that young (and silly) once. I guess I'm getting better. We both are ;-)

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  15. It truly is the only way to live and not have any regrets at the end. *smile* I hope your Solstice is wonderful!
    ♥Sharon

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    1. I hope your Solstice is amazing, too. And yes, regrets don't go well with happiness.

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  16. me and Hector have broken up about 3 times in the three years we dated. Each time coming back together and realizing that being apart was worse for us. We have our faults and our amazing parts and we're sticking it out. The heart wants what it wants.

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    1. Like PetoskyStone said, most relationship hang around the "Do I love the pros more than the cons?" And yes, the heart and hormones want what they want ;-)

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