One Goddess, Two Nuts, and a Squealing Billy Goat Walk into a Forest


Actually, everyone was there when I arrived to the myth, but after a lifetime of “God, the Devil and an ass walk into a bar,” I felt an uncanny urge to invite these characters to walk somewhere, too. It makes complete sense in my head, so stop rolling your eyes or they’ll freeze on that position.

Anyway, I was reading about winter gods, when I ran across a version of a myth about the Norse Goddess Skadi and the Trickster God, Loki, which left me wondering if Lorena Bobbitt wasn’t just trying to make someone laugh when she relieved her dear John of his penis.

We know how the myth goes—not the bit about Lorena leaving John a few inches shorter, but the tale of Skadi and Loki in the woods. Yet, a bit of retelling is always heartwarming during the winter, right?

So… the Goddess of snowshoes was furious out of her mind because her father was killed by the Aesir, after the former kidnapped the Goddess of Youth. Skadi wanted revenge and she went after the Aesir to get it. The Aesir didn’t want anyone dying and told Skadi she could marry any god she wanted, if she kept from chopping off any heads. No god wanted to wed Skadi.

Odin said screw it, and told Skadi to choose a god to marry anyway… but her choice had to be made based on the man’s feet alone. And as a bonus, someone would make the winter goddess laugh. Skadi chose the god with the cutest feet, thinking that he would be her beloved Balder, but it seems that water is cleaner than light because Skadi ended up marrying Njord, the Sea God, instead of all shiny Balder.

Relationships can’t stand on cute feet alone, so the marriage only lasted 18 days, after the couple decided that they hated each other’s living arrangements. The newly divorcée goddess ended up having some kids with Odin, and getting close and personal with Loki. And the Trickster God got really, really, really close to a goat. To give the goddess the bonus laughter, Loki used a rope to tie his testicles to the beard of a goat and the god and the goat pulled until they both shrieked in agony… and, um, Loki’s bloody pair landed at Skadi’s feet, making her laugh and fertilizing her with his blood—got to love the dual efficiency of the act.

Oh, you are probably wondering about penises and Lorena Bobbitt, huh? Well, according to Goddess in the Wheel of the Year, “In some of the more negative tales of Skadi, she was named Mornir, the troll woman, and was said to have castrated and then collected the penises of heroes. It is said that offerings of men’s blood were made to Skadi, symbolizing the blood of Loki that had fertilized her.” See? Lorena was not only trying to bless someone with the gift of laughter, but she was also telling the world that her husband was a hero.

Pagan Gods are such a hilarious bunch, aren’t they? One can’t help but believe in them ;-)
 I couldn’t find a direct link to this image… the watermark suggests that it might have come from Drakonaria
I chose it because she looks pissed and ready to chop someone’s vital bits right off.

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42 comments:

  1. The bit about Loki's balls got me laughing. I would probably be more sympathetic if I weren't a woman.

    I actually hadn't heard this particular story about the gods. But I knew I liked this pantheon for a reason. :)

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    1. Everything about Loki tends to make me laugh. You know, if I got stuck in an island and I could only take one god with me, Loki would be my choice. I'm thinking that island would never suffer a dull moment ;-)

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  2. What an informative and interesting post. I use to be so interested in Scandinavian mythology at school. Great sagas, great stories. We can easily apply them to our lives (some situations indeed are mundane).
    Have a great day, Magaly!

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    1. I've always found Scandinavian mythology quite enchanting. The bravery and the quests... yum!

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  3. That woman in the photo does look like she means business!

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    1. I'm pretty sure she is frigid with rage ;-)

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  4. Ouch!! That is one tough lady!! I love the ancient tales....always full of color.
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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  5. I have a couple of students who could use an introduction...

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    1. You must be grading tests, lol

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  6. The Gods are most certainly crazy! Great retelling :D

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    1. Aren't they? Totally nuts, so very human of them ;-)

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  7. Don't mess with Skadi. I read somewhere that her name forms the basis of the word "Scotland." That explains a lot, really, about those wild 'n crazy Scots.

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    1. I heard the same about Scandinavia. And yes, you can't mess with a goddess who can fight in snowshoes and hangs around with a big old blade ;-)

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  8. Well do i remember the Lorena B. episode. And I love this retelling of these particular Norse Gods/Goddesses. A powerful group!

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    1. I remember following up the Lorena story (and I confessed that I laughed a bit). Poor John, no one shoe had to suffer that, even idiots need to pee ;-)

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  9. Lovely retelling of a crotch grabbing tale of this pantheon. Crazy bunch is an understatement. I have my own version of Lorena's story and the implement that would be used is a dull spoon. Just the mention of a dull spoon has always had a profound effect on my devil dog. Although, I never have had to worry about that....cause and effect or good pre planning....one only has to ponder.

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    1. "crotch grabbing tale," you nearly made me die laughing!

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  10. Hahaha....I love the way you retell stories...just the important bits right, mostly about someone elses important bits :D Anyone would think you had a one track mind :D Do you get the TV series "The ALmighty Johnsons",,,it's about the norse gods being incarnate in New Zealand. Extremely irreverant, you'd love it :D
    XXX

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    1. I'm not sure who said it, but I once read that fiction (and myth, I guess) is life with the boring bits taken out of it. So I try ;-)

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  11. You always have the most interesting posts. lol

    I've never heard about this Goddess. But I think Loki deserves it. ;) I wasn't at all sympathetic to Loraina's victim either.

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    1. I've been doing a lot of godly reading *tee-hee* I'm thinking about a blogging event where we can flirt with the gods of our choosing. Let's say how it goes ;-)

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  12. I have never heard about this Goddess! Very interesting!

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    1. I don't know much about Skadi, either. And to be honest, I started reading about her because someone said she was the goddess of snowshoes. I had to know more... then I ran into the bit about Loki's nuts and roared ;-)

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  13. I have an urge to cut off (but I'm iffy on the collecting part...) men's junk some times - though I would leave the heroes alone and go right for the idiots.

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    1. Ouch! I'm more a cutting their heads off kind of girl lol. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and sometimes you only have a very tiny knife, so you need to make the slash count ;-)

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  14. Hahaha love it, I vaguely remember this tale.

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  15. I've been quite tempted, on more than one occasion to channel my inner Lorena but the current Gods in my life kind of frowned on that. But poisoning and cursing, well, they're all for that!

    p.s. I sent that picture of Skadi to my mom and she swears that's the EXACT face I made when I was growing up and wanting everyone to piss off lmao

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    1. Poisoning is much more romantic. Besides, you can have midnight margaritas afterwards and dance around the house singing like a loon.

      About the pic, I can definitely see it. She has your super cute brow line!

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  16. LOL - the myths are the original soap operas. ;) It's what pulled me into the Greek myths as a child.

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    1. My thoughts exactly. There is something rich, hilarious (and sometimes terrifying) about mythology. My first horror stories were inspired by the Bible; and most of my fiction has a foot on some kind of myth ;-)

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  17. I love finding new bits of myth to learn about. Thanks for the education and the laugh!

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    1. I've noticed that Loki always has the most... interesting myths tied to him. ;-D

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  18. She does look determined to have her own way...

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  19. Got to love the Norse pantheon!

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  20. Somedays, to pays to be mortal.

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  21. I had heard parts of this before(the feet) but the tug of war between the billy goat and Loki's balls was new to me--Loki was certainly a strange fellow, to set that one up, not to mention some of the children he sired--love this Magaly, and good luck today on things going...ahem, smoothly.

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    1. I keep on imagining all this as a painting... and grinning. ;-D

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