In the Beginning, There Was Aries: Self-Loving, Fiery, True to Herself…


…and very serious about never forgetting that no one’s happiness is as important as her own. 

Sometime back, I told my brother, “Sorry, but I refuse to pretend that I care about anyone as much as I care about myself. I like and love many people, and I will go out of my way to make them happy. But if I have to choose between them and me, the choice will always be me; no regrets.”

My brother rolled his eyes, and said, “Yeah right, you would cut off your own head for Papi.”

“True,” I agreed, “I would do anything for Papi. But not for the reasons you think.” I would sacrifice myself to keep my dad from sadness, pain, or disappointment because even the idea of seeing Papi suffer fills me with a kind of agony that eats my heart whole. So, you see, my Wicked Luvs, in the end, I adore my dad because his happiness makes me blissful. If that is a horrible thing, then mark me wicked.

Some might call my attitude cold and selfish. I call it honest. You don’t have to agree with me, of course. Bobbing yes to everything I say, without taking the time to think about the whys behind my behavior, would make you a dumb zombie—I prefer sharing my world with intelligent brains. I’m a compulsive planner and thinker and organizer. My OCD cringes at the mere thought of “rash” actions. I will quote a very wise Aquarian Witch, and say that “there is a fine line between genius & insanity, which Aquarius frequently blurs. As for Aries, [we] always look before [we] leap, but then leap anyway.”

I’ve gotten an email (or five) from people warning me about “acting in haste” when it comes to Jacob, about “not respecting the sensibilities of others when flaunting my so-called happiness,” in the eyes of the world, about “not remembering that if things between Jacob and [I] go haywire, [I] will have to put up with the scrutiny of everyone who knows our history…”

To the last comment, I say, love is not for wimps. More than once, I’ve heard people saying, “Don’t tell your partner how much you love him/her. Those words can be used to control you; to hurt you.” That has never made any sense to me. Why would I want to be with a person who uses my love for him to hurt me? I know it happens often, but if I were the one in the receiving end or that bargain (even if there by accident) I would run for the hills.

I know such situation would make me pack and leave because I’ve done it; once. I’m not ashamed to say it. Jacob was holding back, so I left; after telling him that he could come get me when he understood that love—like anything else in this world worth doing and having—cannot be half-assed. I’m very proud of that choice, for it worked *Aries grinning*

About “acting in haste” or “not respecting the sensibilities of others,” well… I don’t like hurting anyone—it’s not the witchy thing to do. Yet, I would not keep the sun from a healthy bloom, just so that a bunch of sickly shrubs (which are dying, anyway) can decay at a slower (and more socially acceptable) pace. I refuse to live my life by another’s whims.

Can you imagine the life of a Witch who has to go around lowering her head to keep who she loves and what she believes in from offending everyone who doesn’t share the same worldview? Of course you can’t, for such Witch would have no life at all. She would spend so much time being slapped and “turning the other cheek” and hiding her nature in the dark so that it wouldn’t hurt the “children of one Nation under God,” that whenever she looked in the mirror she would see nothing but a decrepit shade.

I choose to be a practical Witch in a world where most people don’t believe in the magic of the planet that feeds them. I’ve loved—in very different ways—every person who I’ve shared my life with in the past. I rejoice in the freeing power of reality-infused fiction. I fell in love with a man who fought for me, even after others told him that he would never have a chance. We shared our first words while sitting by a tree that had been struck by lightning. He watched me through tear-clouded eyes as my trembling hands caressed the cover of a worn-out copy of One Hundred Years of Solitude, which had belonged to his sister…

I love Jacob McClellan and I enjoy telling everyone about it. If I’m not quiet about the wee things in my life, why would I keep silent about the biggest and most important ones? I love talking/writing/raving about our passion because, well… it makes me feel good inside. And I’m an Aries; making me happy has (and will always be) my most sacred plan.

I choose to always shine Aries-bright, my Wicked Luvs.
And I am proud of the face that glows back at me from the other side of the looking glass.

48 comments:

  1. Your pants and his shirt match! Sorry, just noticed it...

    As for people fearing that telling someone they love them will turn into a trap, I'd never heard that. Not put exactly that way, anyways. The other day my boyfriend did tell me that he loves when I touch him, and that he was afraid he might trap me in the relationship with those words. But really, it wasn't anything I didn't already know.

    I'm glad you're finally back with the guy who makes you the happiest. And even though it seems sudden, it also seems like it wasn't quite as sudden as it seems. If that makes sense.

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    1. "the one who makes [me] happiest," I like your choice of words. For I haven't been miserable in the past, just not as happy as I am with Jacob. No one else can do that. And for someone to say that things like that should be kept secret, well... I think it's just dumb.

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  2. You shall never be ashamed of saying I love you. This what makes us better and makes us do good things. Be happy! Anna

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    1. Being ashamed (or fearful) of saying "I love you" sounds like one of the world's biggest miseries. I like being happy ;-)

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  3. Love completely and with vigor.
    That is the proper way to do it. In my opinion. And nothing wrong with sharing it from the roof tops!
    I am happy for you both...enjoy the love and each other.
    Time is precious and life is fleeting.
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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    1. Indeed, my dear SueAnn. Why do something halfway? Specially something that feeds the world and individuals' spirits.

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  4. Smiling is always better than crying, makes for a happier world, enjoy your happiness and those who bring it to you xoxo
    PS Should bloggy friends be worried about the pants/shirt matching combos though(?) ;)

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    1. I promise to enjoy my happiness as often as humanly possible.

      And the only thing friends should start worrying about is about the fact that we didn't noticed that we were matching lol

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  5. It's just jealousy. I don't get why people get so hung up on saying "I love you". Dh and I say it often. :)

    I think when people have bad relationships they get angry when they see someone happy in theirs. They don't understand how to have that relationship and get angry. It's like a child who can't have a toy and throwing a tantrum.

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    1. I always thought that the phrase "Misery loves company" was a bit silly, but I guess it isn't as silly after all. Well, I'm not adding to the misery get together. They can throw tantrums until their throats, eyes and fists bleed.

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  6. Isn't is a pain being right all the time? You said you were worried how some people would react to your rekindled(and now burning out of control like the fiery heart of a star)love for Jacob. Shame on them! If they can't say things publicly, then they shouldn't say them at all. And you didn't exactly rush back into this relationship...if they had read your previous posts properly they would now that. You totally considered Pianoman's feelings, and acted as kindly as was humanly possible without compromising your honesty. I'm a "cut and burn" type gardener...and I wasted no time "pruning" out boyfriends that gave me any reason not to trust them. Now I have been with hubby for 30 years...no regrets! :D XXX

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    1. I wish some people were a little braver. Not because I want them to come and embarrass themselves with unfounded comment, but because if they shared their views publicly, then other would be able to pitch in--maybe the person would see that the world is not painted only in the colors they think.

      The idea of leading someone (or a whole society) on sounds ridiculous to me. This life is too short to set everything up pretty and safe before you start living.

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  7. Ah, well...if your 'acting in haste' (how, exactly, these people know that you're acting in haste is another question)goes haywire, at least you'll get a good story or two out of it. If the words 'I love you' once spoken can control a person, than that person was being controlled before they ever spoke those words. After all, you have to internalize that thought before it's spoken truly.

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    1. That is what gets me; these people know me so little. And they don't even have the consciousness of mind to do a little reading, but hey why waste time justifying someone who will not care, right?

      The idea of treating love like something radioactive, waiting for it to explode in your face and kill you, makes me a little sick... and sad.

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  8. You are fiery and passionate, Magaly, and that's how you will live your life and live your truth -- anything less would not be YOU!

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    1. And anyone who knows me--even a bit--knows I will always do all I can in order to be me ;-)

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  9. I don't understand sometimes how it's supposedly "better" to dumb down one's self love, worth and truth just so that another person could feel comfortable in their own lacking of those traits... Loving ourselves and following our own happiness should be the most important things we give ourselves.. I guess maybe it's jealousy or maybe they're just afraid to do it themselves.. A Witch always uses her brain but lives by her heart and gut...

    You followed your heart, Magaly. You had the courage and the conviction to live your truth and happiness.. I'm happy for you that you've rekindled your love with Jacob. The two of you are so damn adorable lol. So, eff those nay-Sayers.. Just love with everything you have and then some...

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    1. We shall continue being "damn adorable" and loving "with everything [we] have and then some..." I'm almost sure that we don't know how not to do that while we are together ;-)

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  10. Darling girl....who you are, how you live your life, what you choose to share and who you love are never subjects to be critiqued by others. They are yours and yours alone. People have to respect that, if not....then like the off and on button or knob on most devices....they can choose to not read your truth. But to offer their insights is totally unacceptable....they do not walk in your shoes. Oma Linda

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    1. Indeed, Oma. One of the best things about having free will is that we can just walk away and choose not to deal with things we don't care for. Life is good ;-)

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  11. Keep shining bright my friend ;o) Love the matching pant and shirt ;o)

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    1. We do look kind of cute and extra bright, don't we? lol

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  12. In a nutshell, people are always jealous of those who have the guts to do what they know that they would never be able to do themselves. Yeah, I was a bit surprised to read your news, but you have to do what's right for you, full stop. (Will add more later, as just out to dinner.)

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    1. No one but me knows exactly what I need to be happy, right? And to even consider hiding the pleasure I feel at having it back is ridiculous.

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  13. Sweetheart if he makes you happy then it's all good. I know all about love and pain. Hence why I'm following my heart to Texas as soon as I can.

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    1. He makes me deliriously happy. And very sleepy lol

      I can't wait to hear EVERYTHING about Texas ;-)

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  14. Very nice. My choices haven't always met with rave reviews. But darn it they made me happy! Stay true to yourself.

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    1. And that is all that counts. Review are very subjective, so only your personal opinion should count when it comes to the matter ;-)

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  15. You are the very bravest person I know. There are few other people that I can think of who have the courage to throw caution to the wind and jump toward bliss. Luckily for you, you have a broom to carry you over the canyon below and safely land you on the other side where the arms of Jacob are waiting. While I can understand the people cautioning you about living so openly, to do otherwise would not be you. There will always be critics of any of our decisions in life, just as there will be fans. As you said, mindless zombies are boring...you like...BRAINS! Keep doing what you are doing, dear Witch. Live big, live bold, just Live!

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    1. And I'm sure that if my broom ever failed to fly, my Jacob would build an engine and attach it to the stick so that it could take me anywhere I pleased. Yes, he has that kind of brains: sexy, plentiful, and freaking unstoppable ;-)

      Big, bold, dancing, cackling and living!

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  16. follow your bliss, smile that beautiful smile and know you are loved (i live with an aeries so i know lol)

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  17. be who you are...and say how you feel!
    i LOVE your smile...and that picture is the best.
    (with your matching colors, on opposite ends...like a circle...never ending...)

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    1. I'm totally loving the colors and shape of this loving circle we're living in. Specially now that we understand the rough bits and how to deal with them and keep on living and loving ;-)

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  18. Love, love, love this post.....that is all I can say!!

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    1. Love times 3 is always the right answer ;-)

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  19. Refreshing how concerned some people are about your reputation. :-) I'd say you can handle every reaction from your readers, so why should you be afraid?

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    1. Not to be mean, but I wonder if their lives would improve if they stopped worrying "about [my] reputation" so much and began spending time analyzing their own condition. I'd say that you are right, I can handle what life throws at me, specially with the right people by my side and behind me ;-)

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  20. I wish I could put myself first. I'd like to, but I just don't. I think your attitude about it is spot on!

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    1. I wish, I wish, I wish that one day LJ can put herself first. It is a freeing thing... it doesn't mean that you stop caring about the world, far from it... what happens is that you care about yourself so much that you work harder on making the world as a whole a better place because you have to live in it and you like enjoying its goodness. Same for the people in your life... at least that is how I see it ;-)

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  21. You cut to the quick of my Aries Heart.....
    marital issues have me longingly reading your description of your man....his courage, his intellect and decision to fight for the priviledge of your love....

    Yes, every woman wants those things....but passion....a passion that engulfs 2 bodies, 2 lives, 2 souls in its white-hot grip squeezing, molding and fusing them into something stronger than they were apart....that is what a Ram's heart feeds on....and pours forth in return....

    That is what I'm so glad you have....and wish I could know again.

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    1. Your response tells me that I will never have to explain to you why he makes me happy and so myself. I've been lucky in relationships... In my 3.5 decades, I've met and spent time with a few great guys. They made me happy... for a while... Jacob makes me a kind of happy that I can't even explain. But a person just has to look at me once to see that he fills me completely.

      I pray you know pure bliss, of body and soul, again.

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  22. Thank you, I can use all the help I can get....though, I can honestly say, my fire isn't diminished....
    It isn't intense, but it is steady and believes in the truth that there will always be a fuel to sustain it :)

    We, Aries, are just stubborn like that...haha! ;P

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    1. We are stubborn and have the patience only another Aries will understand. We're hyper and compulsive, but when something is worth our time, we'll wait forever.

      P.S. I doubt anyone or anything can ever extinguish your fire, my Cameron ;-)

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  23. I read both ofthese last posts together and you have brought me to tears.... I am feeling emotional lately anyways but the part about "hiding ones true nature in the dark" made Me think i have done that too much.. Not about love, just with witchy things.

    With love, i am lucky to still feel that way about my husband and he about me after 38 years together. Hurray for you for shouting it out! You do just look too cute together in pink!

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    1. Sharing your witchy bits with the world can be a very difficult thing. I still remember all the things I had to be okay with losing the day I decided that I would burst out of the broom closet. Life will happen, and you'll fly out when the time is right ;-)

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  24. Darling, your happiness always comes first! Then, you can give your best to everyone else. Go all out. Love like crazy. Tell the world. Those that cluck their tongues at you are just wishing they could live with the same passion!

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  25. "Love like crazy" and "Tell the world" I shall :-)

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