Jacob


Before writing this post, I read dozens of emails from Wicked Darlings wanting to make sure that Sandy’s wrath didn’t smack me around too hard. I wish to thank those lovely souls, and let everyone know that I’m starting this Witch’s New Year in the Bible Belt, and Sandy hasn’t gotten  to Chicago… yet.

My family and friends in New York City are doing all right, too. A few lost power for a while; and there was an incident that involved a porch landing on a car, but the latter is a good thing because the clunker needed to go. In fact, I’m almost sure the smashing was an answer to collective prayers—that car was a fume spewing, rust-camouflaged death trap.

Also, my Wicked Luvs, I wouldn’t worry too much when it comes to your Wicked Witch Writer and storms. I have the feeling that it won’t be the thing that sends my witchy soul flying to the Summerlands. You see, many of the most important events in my life have taken place around the most inclement of weathers.

I was born in the middle of a tropical storm that left half the village without roofs. When I first came to the United States (wearing shorts and flip flops because it was the beginning of May) New York City got nine inches of snow. The underground subway, and part of the airport, was flooded on the day I left home to become a small weapons technician for the Marine Corps. And five years ago, I walked away from the man I loved most through a hailstorm that cracked my windshield nearly in half.

A couple of days ago, with my car packed to the point of insanity, I drove away from New York in order to join Jacob (the loved man in question) in the Midwest. So you can say that I wasn’t surprised when my rearview mirror showed rain darkening the Bit Apple’s skies and winds turning every tree branch into a leaf-bare whip.

I figured Fate, once again, felt the need to mark a significant event in my witchy life with one of her overdramatized mad cleansings. I worried about the family and friends I left behind, but the skies brightened as I drove west. A good sign, I thought. Today, I’m happy to say that the omen is now fact, for the clunker was the only thing closed to me that perished under Sandy’s stormy ways. 

I’m pretty sure that right now, Wicked Darlings who visit Pagan Culture regularly are blinking a lot after having reread the last paragraph. The most vocal ones are probably saying, “Jacob? Who’s Jacob? You’ve always shared everything with us, Wicked Witch Writer, so how come I don’t know anything about this Jacob?”

Well, my Luvs, the complete answer would take many posts… perhaps three books. But here is the short version:

A year ago, I emailed/called four women who have lived for such a long time and who have experienced life in ways most people have only imagined or heard of. They have my trust. I contacted them because I was feeling lost. After years away from Jacob, I met another man who made so happy that I considered spending the rest of my life with him. But when we began to discuss marriage, things began to happen…

For instance, the afternoon after my ex-Piano Man and I first talked about matrimony, I had to present a paper on Witchcraft and gender for a gay literature seminary. I was sitting on the first row of an auditorium, thinking about what it would be like to be married to someone other than Jacob, when a scholar who was speaking about social gender constructs, said, “This gay model appears on many websites. Keeping this in mind, how many of you would say that he is homosexual or at least bisexual?” Hands went up in agreement, there were polite nods, and some not so polite whistles. A friend of mine covered her mouth with her hands, and said, “Don’t look up.” As you might expect, my eyes were on the screen before she finished the sentence. I saw the picture, and gasped.
via Chosen by Tony Duran
I had spent the last four years avoiding Jacob’s face. But every once in a while a photo of him popped up, so I was not surprised to find his green eyes staring back at me. Yet, the angle of the picture, my shape on his forearm after so long, the thoughts in my head right before I looked up, and the fact the tattoo was his symbol of our engagement, left my soul in chaos. My recollection of the moment suggested that I stared at the faerie tattoo for a long time, and then walked out of the auditorium. According to my friend, I said—fine, maybe I shouted—“He’s not gay!” and then walked out.   
  
I got home in a state of total turmoil. And in case that wasn’t enough to drive me insane, a couple of hours after I arrived I received a phone call from J, my military mentor. He had been battling cancer for three years, felt that he was about to lose the war, and wanted to say goodbye. Good old J was always sharper than most. When he asked me why I was so distracted, I couldn’t lie to him. He said I should see Jacob before even thinking about marrying anyone. I was terrified, but I told my ex-Piano Man about it. He was hurt, of course, but also understood that it was best. I planned to see Jacob, but it never happened.

I told myself that I had something good already. I had a good man who loved me, right? And I loved him, right? I said these things to my four friends. They agreed that only time would tell. The following year, time told, indeed… and about six weeks ago, Fate shouted until her throat went raw. I was cleaning the bathroom, I think, when my ex-Piano Man said, “I think we should get formally engaged on October 13th.” I dropped the Windex-soaked paper towel I had been using to wipe the mirror.

I have many faults, my Wicked Luvs, but dishonesty is not one of them. So after I recovered from the shock, I told him, “That is my and Jacob’s wedding anniversary.” With Fate still screeching in my ears, my own words made me see that I had given Jacob the wife part of me, and I felt I couldn’t share that with another. Maybe I could be content with someone else, perhaps even immensely happy, but never so blissful that I wouldn’t care if the world exploded as long as Jacob and I were in each other’s arms.

Thirteen months after the first incident, I told the four women—the best friends anyone can have—that Jacob and I were back together. That, in my heart, I knew my ex-Piano Man would find the person who will love him just like Jacob and I love each other. I said other things, too, and the four wise women told me that they already knew. They were just waiting for time to do its thing.

A different friend told me that I should probably wait, “or even better,” not share the details of my romance with the public. She said that what I had with my ex-Piano Man was so amazing that it would make people think that if that relationship wasn’t strong enough to survive, then theirs would have no chance. I totally disagree. If anything, what everyone knows about my romantic life and what I’ve just said about the love I share with Jacob should bring extra hope and happiness. I was able to find two incredible individuals in one lifetime, so instead of getting nervous about love, anyone who reads this post should smile wide and think, If it happened to Magaly, then it can happen to me, too.
Conquering mountains… Yes, he is a foot and a few inches taller than I am *sigh*
You think I should send this picture of Jacob drinking coffee in his underwear and wearing one of my sunhats to the scholar who showed his photo a year ago? Maybe I can add a line saying, “You were right. He is totally gay.”
I better stop here. I know this post is too long, but there is so much I wish to share… While you digest all this information, I will visit your cyber-homes. It has been a while. But now you know why I have been so heart and brain busy lately. Have the best All Hallows Eve, ever ;-)

57 comments:

  1. To be able to express to all what has been playing out in your mind all this time is so appropriate for this day. You may not have intended to press the publish key but fate has let you "let it be what it is".............your truth. I have been concerned for you because I assumed that you would wait and not share for awhile. And I was thinking that that would cause you discomfort. I should have trusted what I know in my heart...that truth will out, that Magaly is a freed spirit and that today is a good day. I am so pleased that you will start the new year with a cleared slate and that your goodbyes were done with such class and grace. I am proud to be your friend and love you very much. Oma Linda

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know me well, Oma. You know I don't like to keep things inside. We wanted to make sure that those closest to us knew what was happening before the rest of the world. But it was hard nonetheless--I hate living (even if just for a bit) in shadows. It feels better now, even if some individuals have felt the need to send mean emails and leave hateful messages. I'm hoping for the best.

      Delete
  2. Da-yum...you're a *shrimp* ;) I think that sharing these details demonstrates that a necessary component of Love is Courage. Say 'hi' to The Dog ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes being rancorous feels like a kick on the back of the neck, but eventually the pain goes away and things heal.

      I see my Attila tomorrow. I will not only say, but I will spoil him rotten and give him all kinds of kisses!

      Delete
  3. Wow, Magaly.....I feel like I'm in an alternate universe...I had no idea you were dealing with so much.

    I trust your heart, because I know you do, and it will lead you to happiness, I'm sure of it :)
    I look forward to hearing more of your reunion.

    Oh, and I love the part on the previous post where you say the storms are Fate's way of cleansing the event...I felt that description in my very core.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for recognizing it Cameron. These last few weeks had been, well... difficult. I'm looking forward to sharing everything, as usual ;-)

      And yes, Fate seems to go a bit OCD when it comes to me lol

      Delete
  4. First of all, let me tell you how relieved I am to hear that you are not in any danger from this storm. Dan and I were watching the news at breakfast and nearly at the same time said we needed to check on you. He asked that if I couldn't reach you in case your electricity was out, to burn my candle and send you "hang in there." energy. Then he gave me the thumbs up to add to it. ;-)

    And honey, you have been through so much. Matters of the heart are never simple, for how can they be when love is such a complex emotion filled with the spectrum of a rainbow. The soul seeks who the soul wants, and sometimes we get side tracked so both parties can grow as humans, but we find one another again. Brightest blessings on the witches new year in your new life. Love, Mina

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish everyone would stop for a second and read this. That they would take a moment and understand that break ups leave everybody a little hurt. Yes, so some will recover sooner than others (maybe) but when we care about someone (or even just if we have a decent heart) we hurt to see them hurt. Love is a complex thing, in all its different forms.

      Thanks for the "hang in there" energy.

      Delete
  5. I sent that last one too fast, sweetie. I wanted to send my wishes and heart to the beautiful little princess and the wonderful Piano Man. May their lives be graced with all the happiness life can offer. Warmest hugs from the bottom of my heart to both of them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mina, you are the best. I, too, wish the best for them. And they are a wonderful pair, so I know what is meant for them will reach them soon ;-)

      Delete
  6. I am just smiling....about everything :D XXX

    ReplyDelete
  7. I totally can relate to giving someone the "wife" part of you. I've been married twice, but my first husband was not "the one". I can't actually see myself married to anyone other than Mr. LJ and if anything were to happen to him or this marriage (unlikely), I would never entertain a relationship with another man. I just would not be able to do so. There comes a time when you just have to stop trying to see the world the way your eyes are telling you that you see it, and see it the way the world presenting itself. The two are mutually exclusive and don't have a lot in common.

    I've actually had my own epiphanies in this regard. The above revelation being one of them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's just the way things are. And that doesn't mean that we can't be happy with other people. But, at least in my case, there are things that change once shared, so they can't be given again. Living with someone else is a possibility, even a lovely adventure, but not quite the same...

      And I know you were there seeing it all happening in your head ;-)

      Delete
    2. Yep, I was. :) I think for me, I wouldn't be able to be happy with another person. I'm too devoted now to make that work. Even time wouldn't help with that. I'm okay with it, though, it's not a realization that I am afraid of at all.

      Delete
  8. well holy hell that'll teach me for staying away too long!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In the words of Cletus (an old guy who used to live down the road from me when I was stationed in North Carolina) "Well, that you sure learn you girly!"

      Delete
  9. I have to say first, that I am happy you are alright from the storm! I was thinking of you! I wrote to Shelle a couple of days ago and said, I hope Magaly's is alright ;o)
    My friend, you have been dealing with a lot! I wish you the best and I am happy because you are happy! I do wish the best for your ex-piano man and his little princess too!
    Big Hugs and Happy Halloween and a Blessed Samhain ;o)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. These last few weeks have been, well... rough in more than one way. But we are all doing all right, my Stacy. Thanks for your lovely wishes. Hugs!

      Delete
  10. As ever my love I wish you the very best.

    This romance in particular makes me happy to hear about so fuck everyone who doesn't just say "Oh? You're happy? Well fucking awesome!"

    Because that should be the standard response.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I, as always, love the explosiveness of your response. There is only so much that we can do to keep people happy. In fact, life is lived more completely if we make ourselves happy first, and hope our happiness give us the energy to make others just as joys.

      Delete
  11. I disagree with your friend, too. This is the age of digital information. And while you share many wonderful things about you and the Piano Man, you were quiet about any bad. I'm not saying there was anything bad, but I am saying that I don't know the whole story. And that right there means that no one has the right to judge you or even be upset because you followed your heart. At least you were honest with the Piano Man and yourself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, when I start a relationship, any kind of relationship but particularly a romantic one, I always tell the person at the other end several things: 1. I'm not Christian and I would appreciate if you didn't waste your time and my patience trying to convert me. 2. I live my life very openly, so if we are close you will probably be part of my blog. I don't go as far as to share names without asking because that is just unethical, but I like to keep things real. I waited so long to tell people about this because I wanted family and friends on both ends to hear it from the appropriate individuals, and not to find out on Facebook or something.

      In all honesty, there was no bad between Piano Man and I. Not once. In two years, we never had an argument. Not one. But we both had gone through not so pleasant break ups before, and we promised each other that it the time came when we couldn't be together for whatever reason, we wouldn't act like animals. We didn't, but I can't say the same about people who I thought were our friends. It's disgusting. Like you said, people should only pass judgement when they are asked, but you know how that goes.

      Delete
    2. You never had an argument? Geez, that should have been a clue... in my experience, not arguing is not so much a sign of loving each other as it is of not really sharing. Except for the rare cases where people basically ARE the same person. (I am also saying that too much fighting is not good - as always, the golden path is in the middle, or maybe slightly to the left. Or right, for that matter.)

      Delete
    3. Nope, not one. We did talked a lot, but I think we were very similar in the fact that we could take our time to digest stuff and talk about it later. I never felt the need to explode... and I guess that considering how explosive I tend to be, I should've of wonder why we didn't. Weird...

      Delete
  12. Wow...I admit it felt in a kind of fairytale and so sorry for the piano man & princess but I know it wasnt an easy decision. I wish you a wonderful life with Jacob! lots of love and light your way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for the all around good wishes. I'm pretty sure this fairytale of life will end as it should ;-)

      Delete
  13. Magaly, thanks for this nice post.I wish you, your family and your friends to be save. My cousin lives in NY, Manhattan.. and I was very worried for her. But she is all right too. Let it be so!But may be all these disasters are here to make us realize and prioritize?
    Well, to tell the truth I hadn't read about your romance life before, so for me it's a completely new thing to get to know about you :) Have a great day and yes, we had an incredible Halloween with my Indian husband! Love, Anna.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope your family is well and that no one lost anything other than time at work.

      Well, I guess you and I will be able to experience each other's stories together. Have a blast with your Indian Halloween!

      Delete
  14. Wow, so much trouble about something that should be as simple as love. (Heck, as if love was ever simple!)

    I am very glad that you decide to share so much with your readers - it makes you more than real. No drama, no pseudo-secrets. You say things as they are. Or, coming from Christina, Queen of Sweden: Everything you say should be true. Not everything that is true should be said. (I really like that idea.)

    All the best to you and your new-found old love, and to the piano man and his daughter. I am sure things will work out just fine in the end.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What a brilliant thing for the Queen to say. I like it, too, for it is true indeed. There are some truths that should only be used as a last result. I'm totally against lying--I think that act destroys everything that it touches--but I agree that sometimes we need to wait for just the right moment.

      I have a feeling we're all going to be okay. Thanks for your wishes!

      Delete
  15. I knew that you were traveling, so I wasn't so much worried for you in the Storm as I was for anyone still left there. I knew you were safe...

    However, I hadn't realized that this was such a big move. To pick up and follow your heart like that takes so much courage. I wish the best for your ex-Piano Man and his little girl... and I wish the best for you and Your Jacob. Life has a way of sorting things out. We may not always understand Her whims, but they do have purpose.

    Kourtney

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Life does indeed suffer of wild mood-swings, all we can do is fly with her stormy ways, right? And make the best of it, of course. Thanks for pointing out that surviving the last few weeks (and years, I guess) took courage. I'm disgusted by those who dare say, "How could you!" without understanding just how much it took.

      Delete
  16. Wowzers! Big unveils here for the new year. Wish you all the best and hope all the old wounds heal quickly for everyone involved. It sounds like it has been a challenging journey on your end lately. And ignore the haters. There are always haters and there's nothing that can be done about them other than not giving them the power & energy they're looking for. This is your life and you need to live it for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My life indeed, and although I choose to share it with some, it will never mean that I will ever give anyone the chance to live it for me. I take the good, the bad, and the mildly insane, for they are all mine.

      Delete
  17. Wow! I'm just happy that you and Jacob found each other once again! Who doesn't love "happily ever after"!?!
    ♥Sharon

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much, Sharon. I'm happy we did, too. I was just thinking that had things gone in any other way, the future might have been not so wonderful for those with whom Jacob and I chose to share our lives with. I wonder if we, after a while, would have resent them... I'm glad we don't have to figure that one out.

      Delete
    2. Well being my witchiest friend of all you know somewhere out there is another universe where those events unfolded ~ fortunately we share the world where letting love go is the truest test of all and true love can be found in the most familiar of hearts~♥

      Delete
  18. I am so happy for you, Mags. I love that you are true to you, ALWAYS. I love that adventurous spirit of yours that WILL pack up and move across the country when Fate screams that it's time to go. I love that you and Piano Man were able to part well, and that you had a wonderful relationship to pick up again. I love that you not only write your story, but live it. HUGS and HAPPINESS to you and Jacob.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am happy, too, Kallan. I've been very fortunate these past few years. I had the chance to make great relationships. I would like to say that those around me gained quite a bit, too. Piano Man and the Little Princess were a gift, and I believe our time together was a gift for them, too. Time will tell on those points...

      I am happy and then some at the opportunity life is giving me to craft/write the story of Jacob and me ;-)

      Delete
  19. Wow.

    I have been so out of the loop that when I read the most recent post I was completely confused. This one, obviously, clears things up. Silly me, when I saw the "Jacob" title & photos in my feed the other day, I thought he was a new character. Looks like he would make a good one... & much more. ;)

    I too am very familiar with packing it all up & leaving behind certainty for something new. I had friends who saw my former relationship as a symbol of stability & it was uncomfortable for them when I broke things off. But, sometimes all the signs (& raw instincts) tell us to take the risks. It was one of the most heart-rending decisions, but I am glad I did.

    What joy! Looking forward to seeing your story unfold.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He is an interesting character, indeed. Maybe we'll make him a character and see what he does ;-)

      Stability (and happiness) are not concepts that mean the same thing to everyone. Hopefully those who believed you to be rash, found their own center, too.

      Delete
  20. Maybe I'm just emotional right now (I've got a very sick pet...) but this made made me cry.

    I'm glad you're happy. And I'm glad your friends/family in NY are ok.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Breakups are sad. People always get hurt, so I understand why you cried. And having a sick pet is always so difficult, too. Hope the furry one gets well soon.

      Delete
  21. A happy and blessed New Year to you! Well, haven't you been the busy Witch. So many changes in your life right now...wow. Well, your Jacob is just absolutely wickedly delicious, if I may say. I am glad you are well and unscathed by Sandy. I look forward to your continued writing in the days/weeks/months ahead.
    Hugs & Joyous Dancing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just told him that you said he was delicious, and he answered, "I don't believe you. Taste me and then tell me all about it" lol. Yes, he is fun, too.

      I'm glad Sandy didn't touch me, but I wish the same could be said for so many (is your tree still fighting its citrus was?) I hope it won.

      I will continue writing. Particularly after I finish settling in and setting up a steady schedule. I can't wait to share upcoming projects. Maybe the 13th ;-)

      Delete
  22. While I'm happy to hear that you are ok and that you are back with a good love, I'm upset that you are no longer just an hour and change away from me without us ever having met up! lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe you can come see us on your way to Texas ;-)

      Delete
  23. Awed, my dear friend, just awed. Fair winds and following seas in this new journey. I see fireworks of passion, the steady warmth of glowing embers, and the unwavering flame (and I am NOT a fire worker)as I read this serendiptous post (or Freudian slip?)

    Pity my next journey won't take me through O"Hare.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think there is definitely a lot of heat going on around here. You get an Aries and a Scorpio together and the steam is so strong that it can start fires of passion ;-)

      Well, I hope the journey after the next puts you somewhere around here and we can say hello ;-)

      Delete
  24. This has been a time of change for many. I'm glad you found your heart's way. And you're exactly right that this is no reason for others to lose hope in love -- that's ridiculous. It's your life, and your choice. You have seen a lot of change this year; best of luck settling in.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for the good wishes. I promise to use the energy well ;-)

      Delete
  25. wow...so much change has been going on for you. i had no idea...i'm glad i followed your story back...

    a new home, a new (yet old) love...found again...rekindled...what was meant to be.
    follow your heart.
    we never really know what the future will bring...but when something happens and you feel a change coming...feel it deep...that tugging at your soul...go with it!
    BE happy magaly!! you two DO look like one...intertwined...two meshing into one!! =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, when times weren't so good (or at all) between us, Jacob would always say, "you and I are connected and will be that way forever." I fought, for a long time, for that not to be true. It was too painful. Today, I'm so grateful he was right and I was wrong, but I'm not telling him lol

      Delete
  26. My goodness, it has been a while since I have checked in... I so love what I am hearing though. I am so glad you are there and happy and with your Jacob :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It has been a while, indeed. I better go and see what you and your soldier have been up to. I'm pretty sure I will like what I'll "hear," too ;-)

      Delete
  27. Wowsa, I have been so out of the loop the last few months. I am happy for you, truly, truly happy. I hope this new year is everything you want and more!

    ReplyDelete