A Wise Witch Uses Physics and Catharsis When Spelling


I’ve always not so secretly suspected that Freud was a very intelligent pervert who used his brains to blame all human faults on sexuality and violence. Yet, even the eclectic Jungian in me recognizes that Dr. Sigmund Freud’s theories of psychoanalysis opened very useful windows into the subconscious, and gave psychological names to behaviors that Witches have been practicing even since the first cave-person told another, “Fire good and pretty. We dance around under bright moon and be merry, sí, sí?” (sí, sí as in “yes, yes” because it is well known that all cave-people spoke Spanglish).

You are probably wondering where I’m going with this, huh? If you aren’t, just go ahead and lie to me and I’ll tell you about this “professional writer” fellow who emailed me the other day to offer his services. Here is the introduction to his message:
“Only an amateur addresses his audience in the first person. Want professional help? I will teach you all you need to know to become a professional writer and gain a loyal readership.”
Wow, was my first thought. This guy’s expertise managed to insult my skills and your loyalty, my Wicked Luvs. It seems that he has all the secrets to make my crappy blog professional and your loyalty less dubious. And he was not done mastering the art of shoving his foot in his pie-hole. He added a free example—yes, he emphasized the word “free”—of how he could improve Pagan Culture:
“All Hallow’s Eve should be All Hallows’ Eve as it describes the day before All Saints’ Day. This might seem small to you, but your Catholic readers might think you haven’t done your research. The holy day roots out of their belief system. Also, less enlightened individuals might find the phrase All Hallow’s Grim offensive.”
A lesser Witch would lose her cool let this guy have it. But I’m the Wicked Witch of Them All, so I let him really have it *muahahahaha* I began by sharing some of what he said on Facebook (no name, for there is no need to get nasty), and as it is to be expected, the wickedest of all my Darlings joined in my efforts to show this guy that we don’t only know the origins of the mythology of our own holidays, but we also add physics and psychology to our witchery. How you may ask? Well, easy, m’Luvs.

In psychoanalysis, catharsis is described as “the bringing of repressed ideas or experiences into consciousness, thus relieving tensions.” Fine, so we don’t quite repress our thoughts on how backwards certain people are, but by not getting angry at this individual’s insult and going even further to turn it into humor, we have taken what could have been a negative response and twisted it into something positive.

The bit about “twisting” brings me to how wise Witches have always been good physicists. We don’t forget that one of the most important things about energy is that it can be reshaped, redirected, contained, and that it can never be destroyed. So what do we do with negative energy-loaded words? We use our Nature given physics awareness and make the ugly into something beautiful, educational, and mildly hilarious. Laughter is food for the soul, you know? So, I’ve combined my knowledge of witchy physics and catharsis and turned this guy’s idiotic offer into a funny—yet informative—post.

I could have replied to him, and begin my email with Not So Dearest Imbecilic Uterus Turd but I figured blocking spam and making fun of the bastard would be more efficient. Actually, I wrote the last sentence because I really wanted to use the phrase “uterus turd” in context, after hearing it on a TV show a few weeks back. Yep, physics, catharsis and creativity, and all in the first person. Voilà!
Because no self-respecting witchy scientist would seal a humorous spell without laughter.
Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha…!!!

Speaking of science, meet my Rocked Science Bracelet, a gift from Sharon over at Plumrose Lane. Precious bright colors and eye-catching shapes; lucky me! Thanks a bunch ;-)

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39 comments:

  1. Lol. You are oh so right darlin. Laughter is the best way to shake off negativity. :)

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    1. Oh and ROFL @ Uterus turd.

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    2. Laughter is one of the most powerful things. That is the reason why I embrace cackling so fully ;-)

      And uterus turd is freaking hilarious!

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  2. Wow. What a real shit spewer.. Thankfully that was an email because if it was in person, I can imagine you'd pass out from the stench before he even finished the first word.. I can't even be offended by his ignorance because it would mean his opinion actually matters and since I have no clue who the asshat is in real life, his spleen can explode for all who are concerned!! I think I rather like the word "amateur" though. It makes me think of "Beginner's Mind" in Zen Buddhism and we all know how awesome Buddha was.. But that guy is still a jerk off...

    Sorry.. I've been dealing with stupid/ignorant/assholes all day...

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    1. Sorry you've been dealing with idiots all these days. How horrible. I hope you had the chance to give them a piece of your mind, and release some steam ;-)

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  3. Don't you just love sanctimonious people who try to influence you by claiming to be intellectually superior. Probably uses spellcheck more than I do....TWAT!!!(love uterus turd) :D XXX

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    1. "Intellectually superior twat" sounds like another great phrase. I might have to use it when referring to the usual I'm-Better-than-You-Are bunch ;-)

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  4. Geez, you are so much better as a person than I could ever be. I would have tried to beat sense into that person. Oky, maybe I wouldn't, but that is just because violence should be a last resort. I would definitely have replied with something explosive.

    Anyway, your blog is great the way it is.

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    1. Sometime ago, I realized that this kind of individual doesn't care to learn anything, for they are convinced that they already know everything. But life is very wise, and eventually she'll smack him on the back of the head and show him some sense.

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  5. Wow, that is just amazing...I guess I am constantly, and I do not know why, amazed by the rude and insensitive (I really mean "stupid") people out there. You did good my dear....I can guarantee you I could not have been so gracious.

    Cheers!

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    1. I think the worse bit is that they are actually expecting people to react to this kind of approach. Can you imagine someone having so little confidence that this kind of nonsense actually touches them? That would be horrible.

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  6. Imbecile yes!! Rude yes! Don't even waste your time. He is not worth it. How arrogant can one be?? Sheesh!!
    I love that bracelet! Gorgeous!
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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    1. I agree on all counts. But have to admit, that I'm very happy to have been able to use the phrase "uterus turd" lol

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  7. He sounds like the kind of person who reads but does not understand what he reads.

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    1. Worse. The kind who skims and pretends he understood everything, and then spews his stinky caca. Gross and despicable. I really can't stand people like that.

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  8. Well, that's one 'professional writer' who hasn't much business.

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    1. I thought about the same thing. How much work does he get with that pitch?

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  9. Oh, sweet Isis, this guy is a jerky nut case. Uterus turd is hilarious!

    Good thing you do have a wicked sense of humor; that guy has no idea how lucky he is to have survived his idiotic pompous "helpful" email.

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    1. He doesn't know how lucky he is indeed. I could have cursed him with one of my well-known stinker be gone spell lol

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  10. Jeesh, Magaly, you made an old(ish) lady laugh her pants off. You are too funny! And to think I didn't even know I knew the language cave people spoke! Now I know that I know and I'm feeling, well, knowledgable. "Laughter is food for the soul' indeed. My soul rejoyceth!! (Or it would if I could just spell it.)

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    1. And for that, my dear Francie, I'm no longer annoyed with that idiot. If his ridiculousness made you laugh, then its stupidity did something good.

      My soul jeroyceth muchoth, too ;-)

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  11. Ahem. There is a man at the church I (sometimes) volunteer at (as I am no longer there full time these days) who used to try and inform me on the history of Pagan culture and what nots. Now normally I would find these conversations interesting because sometimes I learn things I didn't know about our witchy ways, this particular man however had his history lessons so ass backwards he often would make mistakes when talking about Christian Heritage. I'll say now what I say to him :PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP You handled yourself very well m'darling.

    On an unrelated note I have some presents to send you been meaning to for awhile but as Halloween is rearing it's beautiful head around the corner, now seems as good a time as any...Please let me know when and where I believe you have my email <3

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    1. Ah the usual interpretation of how this comes from that even though that existed way before this... weird. I've learned that it is best to ignore this kind as they make a lovely mess when they drown in their own madness ;-)

      I don't have your address dear, but mind is part of my profile, so you can get a hold of me that way. I will sure email you back. Thanks for thinking of me ;-)

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  12. Ah you had me at "Jungian"! Love the man and his work ~ he's the one person in history I wish I could have met and talked to, probably more about his studies in mysticism and symbolism than anything else.
    So glad you like "RockeT Science" (yeah, that "T" was emphasized *wink*), it needed a great wrist with loads of adventure to enjoy!
    ♥Sharon

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    1. I've always said I would have liked to meet Jung. Just to listen to him discussing his ideas, giving his reasons and explaining the, can you imagine? Of course, I would also like to meed Freud, too, to ask him if he was serious about half of the stuff lol.

      And I'm looking at my bracelet right now! I wore it to a fair and it got all kinds of compliment. I have some pictures of it with a matching dress ;-)

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  13. I don't understand how these people feel compelled to contact you and insult you as they do?!

    You are a gem...though, using the word uterus towards him is more degrading to the uterus, methinks ;P

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    1. You are so right, Cameron. I think I just dirtied the uterus a little lol

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  14. The bracelet is superb :) I will check out the Plumrose Lane link!
    Oh yeah, and on behalf of all the Catholics that follow your wonderful posts, I've been meaning to speak to you about being offensive with your inappropriate use of...

    '

    he he he he... ha HA HA HA HAAA... hahahahahahahaha HA HA HA HAAAAAAA... too funny!

    Your Professionalism is never in question & your word skills & unique voice is why you have gained such loyal readership... Uterus Turd... hilarious, or is it Uteru's Turd???

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    1. I LIKES my Catholics like I LIKES my summer mornings, sun-shiny and cool ;-)

      When I first read the message, I was wondering why people don't read before they email. Then again, that would require thinking, and some are just not capable.

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  15. Wow I wonder how it feels to have your foot shoved so far down your mouth. Wow.

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    1. I have a feeling he's somewhere choking on some ugly shoes ;-)

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  16. keep on laughing!

    he doesn't sound so 'professional'...no wonder his 'advice' is free...it's the only way he'll be heard...

    love your new bracelet. nice gift!!
    OH and that shot of you in front of the electric skeletal pin ball machine (?)...GREAT!!!

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    1. Laughing is good isn't it. And that chair is proof of it. I swear that it is a masochism-silliness hybrid. You pretty much hold a couple of hands, and the machine shakes so hard and so fast that you feel like you are getting electrocuted. But you can't stop laughing. Because it kind of tickles. It's weird. And fun ;-)

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  17. You make me laugh darling! Why do people contact you all the time, and say stupid things? They must be jealous of how wonderful and creative you are ;o) Turning negative into positive is sometimes hard, but necessary. I was hurt by someone the other day. Who was a family member. I was watching the t.v show, "Say Yes To The Dress". I like seeing the wedding gowns. He stated to me, why are you watching this, you will never be married. I didn't say anything back. I didn't even look at him. I thought to myself and meditated that night, to let it go. To bring positive energy to him, because I know he is miserable and taking it out on me. It was hard to do this and it still hurts, but I am trying ;o) Big Hugs Magaly and thanks for my smile today ;o)Oh, love your gift! Beautiful!

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    1. People can be quite cruel, and sometimes our families are the cruelest. I don't know how someone can know you, even a tiny bit, and say something like that. With that smile, personality and heart, you will make cute individual out there feel like the luckiest and happiest person alive. I have no doubt. And then you'll smile even more, and I'll get drunk on it ;-)

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  18. Bwahahahahaha! You are so wickedly hilarious. I think "Imbecilic Uterus Turd" is perfect.

    I cannot believe the emails you receive. Do these people just have a subconscious wish to have their fanny slapped, and the universe sends them to the one ovarious (pretend it's a word, it's cute) Aries who they know will have no problem having a little fun with those who are so offensively self-important? I love your psychology, your physics AND just you in general. Carry on with your bad self, my witchy beauty.

    Oh, and that photo is too adorable!

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    1. I think that they secretly love to be punished, or maybe they are lovely people at heart and LOVE to give us material for hilarious posts ;-)

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