Hurt

There is a Spanish song that says, “quien te hace llorar es quien te ama,” the one who makes you cry is the one who loves you.

It is a very famous tune and I’ve always enjoyed its beat, but I must say the song’s philosophy is a stinky pile of drunkard’s crap. The ones who make us cry are NOT the ones who love us, but the ones we let. And to make things worse, most times, the individuals we allow to step all over us happen to be the ones WE love.

Yes, I’m a little hurt right now. I shouldn’t be, but I’m human and every once in while I tend to forget the basic rules for survival. You are probably pissed off, and in serious need of an explanation, aren’t you? Sorry, I can’t stop being me just because I’m upset.

Here is the short account. A few of the most important people in my life care little about my writing, so I don’t share it with them. They can read what I post online, like the rest of the world, but they won’t get a word directly from me.

Today, someone stumbled upon my writing site and emailed one of the important people in my life. I will share part of the message because, well, reading the words makes me feel better:
“Dear X, I knew Maggy excelled in academia, the Marines and can dance like a flame, but I didn’t know she was an artist. So proud of our little Fireball.”
The email is longer, but the bits about climbing trees, hunting birds with slingshots and stealing mangoes when we were kids don’t apply to this post.

The important person in my life called me and shared the email. I was excited about the message, but more about the call… at least for a little while. My mirth was killed when the caller said, “I don’t know why Z is so happy. I’ll celebrate when I see the money.”

I ended the call without saying goodbye. I went for a long walk, and plotted a new scene for The Haunting. Then I reminded myself why I don’t share my passion with some of the people I love: they just don’t know me all that well, even if they want to pretend they do. And, of course, there is the bullshit about the one who makes me cry being the one who loves me. What a load…


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57 comments:

  1. Oh Mags.
    :(
    I'm sorry.
    If I was there I would say something really inappropriate so you would laugh or just maybe mix you a gin ricky without looking at anyone.
    BUT, I never worry too much about you because, as I have said before, you are not stupid academically or emotionally.
    You will know the right thing to do about this.
    If you were an emotional idiot I might fret more but I have faith you will find the exact right perspective to take on this situation for yourself.

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    1. These kind of things are always the best fuel for stories, so I'll use it for that ;-)

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  2. Oh Megaly...I feel for you...some people are so mean...I think they live their life every day planning ways to make others feel sad!

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    1. No wonder they are so unhappy. When you need all that time to focus on someone else's misery, there isn't much left for the self.

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  3. I understand you well. I receive compliments from complete strangers, but the most part of my friends or relatives aren't interested in what I make. First of all my mother.............. :(
    But I keep on doing what I like. :)

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  4. Oh, Magaly.. I'm so sorry you had to deal with such bullshit. It amazes me how the people who are supposed to "love" us, as the ones who cause the biggest cracks in our hearts. I don't share anything of mine with family either. None of my family and maybe only 1 friend of mine know I have a blog. I've always been the weird outcast in my family but as I've grown up, some family members have been more "accepting" but there are some who try to keep me in that role...

    You are an amazing writer and a fabulous woman. I won't tell you to not get down about it or to forget about them. You're human and it's natural. Just keep your heart filled with love for the woman you are.. For the life you live.. For the talents and passions that you have cultivated.. Regardless of what anyone says, just remember that you are saturated with Love.. Keep smiling, Magaly.. I hope you feel better...

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    1. If we team up, as we already have, then we are no longer outcast, just members of a different like-minded group, right?

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  5. What a sweet email. I love how people can take a good thing and turn it into crap. NOT!!! Makes me sick.
    I have some in my family...MOST...that I don't share my art with! In fact, I don't share my life at all with them. Makes for boring (on my part) reunions. But I learned they just don't care so neither do I!!!
    And I agree, you do excel in writing!!
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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    1. Yep, I've attended my share of dinners where after the food is gone people just kind of stare at each other.

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  6. What a bricktard. Really.

    Don't let that kind of stupid get in the way of your writing.

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    1. I'll let it fuel a tale or two ;-)

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  7. I think I'm lucky enough to have no one in my life like that. My partner gets it from all sides and I've seen how damaging it can be.

    For me, I've always thought the only relevant thing is 'does it make you happy?' Money is irrelevant if you are unhappy, and if you're happy, money is irrelevant...

    So take the good, relish the email, leave the other person to wallow in their shallowness and... Be happy being yourself. =)

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    1. I'm happy to have my Piano Man. He was a blessing in so many different ways. He has never asked how come I don't use my degrees and experience to get rich (yes, I've heard that one) he is just happy to see me happy. My writing helps pay the bills and keeps me happier than I've ever been, so yes, I'll opt for being myself. If a few can't deal with that, not much I can do about it.

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  8. What a thoughtless and shallow remark. Reminds me of Oscar Wilde's comment about the person who knew the price of everything but the value of nothing.

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    1. Oscar wisdom: deep, funny and extremely accurate.

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  9. There are lots of miserable people out there who feel the need to invite company. Fuck 'em. Let them cry in their coffee while you live and love your life.

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  10. Big hugs for you ;o) <3

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  11. Oh Darling.....family can be so hurtful. They set a target for us, and when we don't comply with their vision for us, they snipe! You are fabulous!! Just because they are not enjoying their life, doesn't mean we can't enjoy ours....and when the money does come in, guess who isn't getting an invite to the party!!
    Dream on precious, and write it all down! :D XXX

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    1. I hope you are getting your outfit ready for the celebration lol

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  12. Hi, Magaly, I just came across your blog, searching for some inspiration and got completely sucked in. Not so long ago I decided to try writing myself (not that I expected to ever finish the novel that was in me head) and it took me quite a while to realize it wasn't my thing really and I rather stayed with blogging. No one I knew really believed in it, rather than wanted to read it. As for you, you have a huge group of people who do believe in you, they may not be your closest friends, but that can only be an advantage, don't you think?
    Regarding feeling hurt.... Cut us and we bleed ... that's just how it is

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    1. We just need to find something productive to do with the blood and hurt, right?

      Welcome to Pagan Culture Patricia, I'm very happy to have you ;-)

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  13. My Darling Magaly....oh sweetheart, if wishes were horses then I would ride it to you and give you big hugs....
    Damn those people who hold a place in our life, even if they don't deserve to.
    Oma Linda

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    1. Wishes must be donkey, for I see one smiling at me warmly and trying to give me hugs ;-)

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  14. I'd be hurting too! *Hugs*`

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    1. I know, Tori Luv. But I hope the hurt doesn't last all that long. Let's feed the pain into our stories and shoot it dead ;-)

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  15. Ditto times 1,000,000 what everyone else has already said.

    *hugs*

    A little food for thought:
    “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” - Douglas Adams

    or, one of my personal favorites: "I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend your right to die in a fire of suspicious origin."- Unknown

    Keep on shining, Magaly!

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    1. Who would've known, someone whose name we don't have made me laugh like a loon.

      Hugs right back at you, Hex!

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  16. That sounds like a comment only family can make! Your fiction is worth more than money. And if said person can't see further than that, then they are the worse off.

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    1. You are too sweet, Mich. I've missed you around here ;-)

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  17. Magaly, I am sending you lots of love and hugs! I love your writing and I think you kick ass! You are so talented! I want to come to the party with Gina ;o)
    I was hurt by someone very close to me around a month ago and I am still hurting. I try to be the true me, but you know, I feel, I am more free on my blog or when I am outside gardening. There are still people around me, that don't know I paint, or don't know my witchy ways ;o)

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    1. I feel bad for the people who don't know about your crows. They have no idea what they are missing.

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    2. Thanks my friend ;o)

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  18. Such a petty-spirited person! Not only that, but obviously This One knows *nothing* about the business of writing vs. the unrelenting hunger to get the visions out of your head. How sad for them, to lead such a blinkered, unimaginative life. *hugs*

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    1. I think one needs to have the need to do, say, share, produce... something, a yearn that is not fulfilled by anything other than doing 'the thing' before one can understand the need. Some people are empty of that desire. They live a sad life and they want to infect everyone else with their malice.

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  19. Come on Magaly, you know nothing is worth anything unless it has a price-tag on it...


    he he...
    Bazinga ;)

    At least someone appreciated you Fireball... OMG I LOVE that name for you!!!

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    1. Bazinga! Love it. Fireball (Bola 'e Fuego) always takes me home. It makes me think of rice harvest, honey squeezing and chocolate making... yep, it makes me miss my Dominican Republic ;-)

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  20. Fireball, you are priceless :)

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  21. It isn't easy when our loved ones don't share our vision nor recognize the spark of creativity within us. Most people are stuck in their left brains so they can't see this. I have a friend who is an anesthesiologist. He earns over $100,000, is single and in his mid-thirties. His parents don't see him a a doctor because he's not a regular medical doctor. He's given up on getting acceptance from them. My mom never reads my stuff. I guess she's not a reader. When I share my dreams, she says that's nice. I guess it's enough.

    The difference between a writer and a published writer is the latter got published. It's not the paycheck that defines us. Maybe this person is waiting for you to become as wealthy as J.K. Rowling. Maybe that is the bar they use to measure success. It's coming, just wait and see!

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    1. You know, sometimes I wish this person understood how lucky I am that I can pay my bills with my writing (even if not from the kind of writing I love most) actually, I'll stop wishing, some things are just not worth my while.

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  22. you are completely amazing. it is hard to let it roll off your back. you are allowed to be hurt.

    remember you are loved!

    <3

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    1. Wouldn't be me if I didn't feel, right?

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  23. Oh honey, some people just never get it, do they? I am so sorry that you were hurt by this very crude comment. To bare your soul in such a deep and beautiful manner, to unload the depths of Magaly's world, and then to have it objectified with a monetary jab is just...well...evil. I say to hell with this type of attitude. They are not worth your time or precious emotion. You just keep your eyes and heart where your soul lives. It is in this way that you make the world a far more interesting and enticing place to be. Love to you always, Mina

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    1. Some people live for things that don't feel life, and they spend their existence feeling empty and wanting to infect others. Maybe, if they stopped doing that, they would find a foundation for themselves.

      Others, are full, bright and giving, and make this witchy woman feel loved. Thanks, my Mina.

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  24. no fun, no fun at all. i have been in that position, someone you like or thought would be nice and supportive, just aren't. and you know, everytime, it still hurts. i hate it. sorry lady, keep your chin up. you do great work.

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    1. Thanks so much, Ally. I'll chin up ;-)

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  25. Hi honey,
    Something told me to check on you. There are loved ones in my life who just don't "get It" when it comes to my writing. I feel they think it is a waste of time, and unless I am getting recognition in the form of money or perhaps a TV interview, it is seen as just a "cute hobby". It hurts and pisses me of to no end. I have one loved in particular who never even bothered to read anything of mine until I was deathly ill in hospital. Funny, when on deathbed I get a "compliment" . She actually told me "I didn't know you could write like that." Though the words are kind (I guess) it upset me because she has known all my life I could write. I never kept it secret! I had also framed and gave her a few pieces over the years...so much for that. Grrr....Geez.I thought I would defuse you and fueled my own fire. rofl. If I got you to smile it is worth it.
    Take care. Renee

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    1. Relatives can be such an strange breed, can't they? I think we can survive their ways as long as we stick together and smile. A lot... ;-)

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  26. I feel so sorry for this person. I only know you virtually and even I can say that they are missing out by putting such importance on things that aren't real. yeah money is nice, being comfortable and stuff...but what you do, I would argue is even more important. You are touching so many lives and I am confident that your writing will be here long after you are...and isn't that more important than "money"?

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    1. Money is great, and I'm comfortable enough, thank goodness. But you are right, it doesn't buy happiness, not even a good night sleep.

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  27. Magaly,
    I think only writers really understand writers. My parents were very proud of my writing when I was published for the first time but, now they keep reminding me that maybe it wasn't meant to be for you to be a writer/author cause I haven't had anything else published.

    I remind them that not many people are published at all so, that's an accomplishment in and of itself.

    Hope you feel better soon.

    Melissa

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    1. I am very happy that my father and my Piano Man believe in me with such a force that I can touch it. I think they, plus a handful of really good friends, are the ones who make me continue forward. Things like this hurt me--I'm not dead--but they can't break me.

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  28. I'm sorry they were so stand offish about it. You certainly deserve better than that. I can relate to that. Sadly, my writing (which isn't as spectacular as yours by any stretch of the imagination)seems to illicit the same response from important people. All of them insist I should make money off of it, and if I don't, it's not worth discussing or even being proud of. I disagree.

    One day, you will be famous and they will be eating their words. Those are the people I (because I'm just like that) would choose not to remember in my thank you speeches.

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    1. *crosses fingers and hopes LJ is right* I, on the other hand, will remember them on my I'm-so-amazing speech. How else do you tell the generations that follow that even when the road is full of a-holes and dumbasses, if you work hard and go on, you can get what you want?

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