The Witch and The Little Princess

Weird and Wild are the first two words that come to mind when I think about the beginning of my day. I woke up and reached for my Piano Man. He wasn’t there. I stumbled to the kitchen, eyes half closed and mind dreaming of coffee. My lover wasn’t there either. I ran to the Little Princess’s room. Empty. I freaked out. I rushed to get my phone; unlocked it; the screen read 8:40am. I sighed. My Piano Man and Little Princess were gone to work and school, respectively. 

I stared at the white shirt I had slept in. There was blood all the over the front of it. My nose bleeds often, but I guess I missed it with all the running around. I cleaned myself up, retraced my steps and found a bit a blood on the kitchen floor. Thank goodness I had not bled all over the carpet.

I was heading for the shower when the phone rang. It was a friend I was hoping to hear from. She is getting a divorced and relocating to a new city. Moving is difficult; moving alone after having lived with a partner for six years is even tougher. I’ve been worried about my friend, but I didn’t want to bother her. I felt she needed some time to herself.

We talked for a while. She misses her stepchildren. She misses their father, too, even if her ex-husband’s to be behavior has been less than admirable these last few months.

“They don’t want to talk, Guerrero.” My friend’s voice trembled a little when she talked about her stepchildren. “You should be careful with the Little Princess, you know? My oldest…” she paused. “I mean, his oldest, told me I wasn’t mother. I have raised those kids for almost seven years. He said his mother would have never left him. Kids can break your heart, you know?”

I didn’t know what to say at first, and then I figured the obvious would be best. “J, their bio-mom did leave them. The children know this, too. Doesn’t she live less than two hours away? When was the last time she spent any time with them?”   

“It hurts so much,” she began to cry. “I wish they were a little bit like your Little Princess. She sounds so loving. She never hurts you. She—”

I let her talk for a while without saying anything. There are times when the only thing you can do for a friend is to listen. I listened to her speak about how the Little Princess never hurts my feelings. How everything in my household is bliss. How I’m always happy. How I’ll always be. I listened.   

I also thought… I thought about how I wished that all those things were true. But if you have a family you already know none of that is always true. I’m happy most of the time, and when I’m not, my Piano Man is often—if not always—drags me out of the gloom. I love that. I also love that the Little Princess is such a good child. But I’ve never met a perfect human being, and children—believe it or not—are human.

The Little Princess has hurt my feelings more than once. I know she will do it again, too. I also understand that I will probably do the same to her. I love her and she loves me, and with love comes vulnerability… and pain… and boundless bliss. But you can’t enjoy the love bliss while keeping your heart in a pain-proof box. And not loving can leave the soul in a very lonely place.  
Loving another is not an easy thing. To love is to rebel against something that looks a whole lot like common sense, but looking a little closer might reveal that what appears to be logic is actually a bit of fear.

And talking about rebellions…

I’m jumping in the colorful Award Rebellion Van Wagon led by Stacy and Shelle. You see, I’ve received a Versatile Blogger Award from Tori. Then Stacy and Shelle, proving to be shameless blog diggers, gave the iDig Your Blog Award to all their bloggy friends. It doesn’t end there; Shelle is a Libra all the way to her boots, so her sociably nosey self nominated all her cyber flock for the Tell Me about Yourself Award.

The fiery Aries in me refuses to be left behind, so I grabbed everything. Here are the awards:
From Torizworld
From MagicLoveCrow
From Sunshineshelle 
And here are 13 things about me:
1. I’m crazy about Tori, Stacy and Shelle because these three women have hearts that hardly fit in their chests. Thanks for the awards and the friendships, my luvs!
2. I’ve always had very vivid dreams and nightmares.
3. I bite the inside of my cheeks when I have nightmares.
4. I dream (and nightmare?) in color.
5. I used to wake up screaming from nightmares most nights.
6. I’ve had few nightmares since I moved in with my Piano Man.
7. I no longer scream when I wake up from a nightmare.
8. I used to sleep with a KA-Bar under my mattress.
9. I have gotten really good at controlling my dreams.
10. I used to dream that a man who slapped me when I was a child, came back to slap me again and again.
11. I dreamed that I had a black and pink semiautomatic pistol, and used it to beat the abuser out of the man who slapped me when I was a child.
12. I no longer dream about the slapper.
13. I’m grinning wickedly right now ;-)
Grab the three awards, my Luvs.
Tell the world you’re feeling a little wicked.

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  1. That's kids for you. As parents, we love them regardless :) My 4 year old pirate princess also hurts my feelings or drives  me nuts once in a while. But most of the time she's a cuddly, loving little girl.

  2. Linda Wildenstein11/04/2011

    Oh perfection is impossible.....all families have flaws and scrapes...we are all scratch and dent when it comes to life. I refuse to focus on the ugly that accompanies my grands wherever they go. Instead I focus on the sweet and kind that also tags along. It's the nature of the beast when we love.
    You are wise beyond your years.
    Congrats on letting us know more about you. I fear there is not much to tell anymore so I'll be happy for you instead. Linda

  3. Dark Mother11/04/2011

    You made me cry.  What a beautiful words about love and pain.  Opening your heart and sharing love with someone leaves us vulnerable.  It takes a courageous person to love fully.  

  4. That was a beautiful post, and so true; nobody can be totally free from being hurt while still opening their heart to love and joy!
    You're very welcome; and thank you for the friendship too!
     I have awful nightmares sometimes too; I don't think I've had one since we moved though, not that I'm complaining, of course!

  5. Autumnwindreno11/04/2011

    I sure feel for your friend! Love definitely leaves you open to some serious hurt, but the pain is worth it, even though it sometimes doesn't seem like it LOL Allowing yourself to be vunerable and actually love is such a huge gift, many people don't get that. My thoughts are with your friend!

  6. SunshineShelle11/04/2011

    Oh Ms Wickedness... beautiful post! Sometimes listening is the best we can do, we can talk later when the person wants to listen, otherwise our wisest words are like silent falling petals (wow I had a flash of Blade Runner the Director's Cut then) ;)
    Hey you know what? I truthfully think it's all our flaws that make us perfect LOL! So happy you grabbed the awards, all 3!!! Number 1 is very touching (I'm blushing) back atcha on that one MsW :) Love your 13 things about you :) I am pleased the nightmares are no longer constant companions, there is only so much cheek flesh to chew!! Totally smiling at you getting your own back via dream-state on that child slapper, I bet he was at YOUR mercy in dreamland & every night he closed his eyes to rest he took a bashing by an angry female welding a pink semiautomatic pistol & never figured out why he woke so traumatized ;)A KA bar (is that steel?) I put a hockey stick under the bed & make the girls sleep upstairs with me & we make popcorn throw down an extra mattress to spread out & watch a movie if the Big F is outta town (parent's anniversaries etc) not often but I also set up the stairway like that kid in Home Alone, barely balancing chair laden with books on top staircase, a few bits of string connected to furniture & wood sticks behind glass sliding doors (we have no curtains & the lock is broken)... Frayz thinks it's nuts but us girls have a ball. Have a great weekend you sweet babe!

  7. Even biological children say, and do, things that hurt our feelings. Usually not intentionally, but if it is, it's usually half hearted. My own children have hurt me on occasion. One of them is leaving me tomorrow. Painful doesn't even begin to describe that. But, it's the best thing for him. He once used the words, "send me away" when referring to this. That's almost like beating me to death with a bat. Because I'm not doing that, yet I am. He loves me, and I love him, and sometimes, love is a very sharp knife. Like today. I feel badly for your friend, being a parent is never easy.

  8. And the cuddly times are the best ;-)

  9. If we focus on the ugly, even if it's just a bit of nastiness, it would be so difficult to see the good. So I'm with you, let us lift the beauty and step on ugly.

  10. Well, good because I made myself cry, and it sucks to cry alone. All jokes aside, it is true, love is a dangerous thing. But I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't jump at the chance.

  11. One of the things I love most about my Piano Man (aside from his awesome legs ;-) is the fact that my love has made the process of not hurting me into a beautiful art. I don't know how he does it, but the man makes me totally happy. I wonder if he has bugged my head... or my heart.

  12. I know about that gift, and for the longest of times I thought I was broken; I allowed no one to get too closed too soon. And even after I did, I would walk away as soon they hurt me a little (the last bit I don't regret too much) what makes a relationship balanced is a person who is willing to go after you, nicely and lovingly, and help you understand that there is no need to run. I found mine, but it took me 3 decades.  

  13. I just pictured you guys packing stuff behind the doors, and setting the fort upstairs. Too awesome! And KA-Bar is a very big knife. I used to sleep with a hammer at one point, but I figured I should get something sharper and more civilized ;-)

  14. Oh dear friend, how much you must be hurting. I know it hurts to see him go, but like you said, it is the best for him. You know he'll miss you to death. You are not sending him away, you are helping him have a chance. I'll pray for you both, you know I will.

  15. You can tell your friend that children even hurt their biological parents.  My husband and are I quite strong as a couple but I still am told by my kids when they prefer to have their father.  That hurts.  Or my oldest recently told me he wished he was at school all the time...and yes he was angry with me at the time and knew exactly what he was doing.  It's a human thing, not even a kid thing.  You are so spot on about love, it really opens you up to pain but you have to do that to get the bliss.

  16. Children seem to be little adults who have less control of their impulses. That can be a glorious thing when relating with others (while in a good mood) but when anger hits, it can become straight up terrifying. But we adore them anyway, don't we? 

  17. The look on your face while you hug your little princess is priceless - it wordlessly captures the complexity of the love a mother has for her children. My 3 children bust my heart open every day, with pain & love. It's why a mother's heart is so strong, it gets such a workout!
    I love your words in this post.

  18. That's probably what feeds all the horror stories surrounding children.  lol

  19. MagicLoveCrow11/05/2011

    My wicked friend, what a beautiful post! I love the picture of you and your little princess! Your expression on your face is very peaceful and content! I love it! You know it's true, sometimes, it is better to just listen. And, I think one of the scariest things in life, is to truly love someone. But, it's one of the most precious things in life too! I'm crazy about your too Magaly! Your friendship means the world to me! I am so happy we found each other ;o) I'm happy you don't dream about your slapper anymore!! A Ka-Bar? That's a knife right?  Big Hugs ;o)

  20. The little princess is adorable. Kids can say the most hurtful things to a parent but the good times make up for the hurt.

    I always dream in colour too, Magaly. I thought everyone did - I just can't imagine having monotone dreams.

  21. The heart is a muscle after all, it needs many great workouts to get stronger ;-)

  22. Indeed, I will see if I can find you an extra copy of City of Beasts; not light reading, but a very great read. It makes Lord of the Flies look like child's play.

  23. It is a knife used in the Marine Corps. It is just heavy enough and perfect for the field work. It is also wonderful to look at, if like me, you like knifes and machetes. 

    The feelings about our friendship is mutual, my dear ;-)

  24. I was very surprised when I discovered that some people leave their senses out of their dreams. I come packed and loaded. Things can get overwhelming sometimes.

    Right on about the good times, they always make the bad seem insignificant ;-)

  25. Mina Crump11/05/2011

    Oh, the pains of love do run deep and yet I would not trade one moment of any of them. You have captured the honesty of what being a parent is and that picture of you and the Princess is too precious.

    And speaking of hearts that hardly fit in their chest, honey you are looking in the mirror there. Your beauty shines through like a beacon of hope for everyone you touch. You  are nothing short of a treasure.

    I LOVE that you grabbed the awards. You go you wicked Aries witch! I also love that you slapped the abuser out of that asshole who slapped you as a child and it has stopped the dreams. The Riddle Mother always searches for ways for us to right our wrongs during dream time.


  26. The Riddle Mother, she is always grinning because she knows something we don't, isn't she? I have a feeling she just knows that everything is going to be okay in the end...

  27. I know you will, Mags. And, I love you.:) I know full well that I've only gotten through the last couple of days because of your help. I appreciate it more than I could ever vocalize or make known through text.

  28. I feel so sad hearing that story about your friend and her stepchild. I suspect it was a case of a hurt kid lashing out because she moved away. What a tough situation. :\ But it's true what you say: loving involves sometimes getting hurt, but it is worth it. 

  29. I'm only too glad to help. I wish I were closer, so that I could give you many hugs (and my nasty cold).

  30. It's touch, but wonderful ;-)