Bite and Swallow

Malehorn smiled at the flashy sign that warned Dark Pastures’ customers to stay away from the ones who bite and swallow.

Nice, he thought, I must check them out. It was his first otherworldly excursion, and he didn’t want to miss a thing. His mind, and other bits of his anatomy, needed the stimulation.

The cataclysmic events that opened stable windows between Unihorned World and other realities, were giving his government too many headaches. Places like Dark Pastures were a needed source of relief for his people. Malehorn touched the tip of his horn. The contact made the eight-inch spirally twisted bone, protruding straight out of the top of his head, shimmer. The flicker of golden light was a reminder. He didn’t want to forget to thank his old buddy, Lokihorn, for telling him about Dark Pastures.

The young Unihornian surveyed the strip club’s foyer. The place was surrounded by glass cases displaying everything from sexy to weird. He walked toward a brunette who winked at him from behind a wooden podium. Her huge tits jiggled as her body swayed to a melody Malehorn had never heard in his world. There was an “I” tattooed on the brunette’s right boob and a “D” on the left.

Malehorn reached underneath his jacket, and pulled out the fake ID Lokihorn had given him the night before. He let the brunette take a look at the identification card, and he took a moment to inspect her goods.

The brunette ushered him inside the club, and he made a quick self-assessment. He was glad for his choice of attire. The combination of fitted jeans, hemp boots and brown hemp jacket, highlighted his good looks and helped him blend in with the crowd—everybody who was wearing clothes had chosen some sort of hemp fabric.

Dark Pastures was full of naked Unihornians, as well as other beings Malehorn couldn’t quite identify. There were three stage-like rooms to his left and two to his right. He stared at a multi-headed creature that slithered on the floor and walls of the first room to his left. He looked away when the thing pulled something, long and stiff, out of its entrails. The crowd clapped wildly when the slimy rod was reinserted; the thing’s eyes rolled back and it howled. Everybody cheered. Malehorn didn’t want to advertise that he was new in town, so he clapped too before backing away very slowly.

He almost bumped into a huge pillar that stood in the middle of the main area. It was a condom, lube, and adult toys display. He pretended to examine the merchandise and then walked away. He grinned when he finally saw what he had been looking for: the set of electrical stairs that according to his pal, Lokihorn, led up to paradise. Malehorn put a foot in front of the other and got ready for the jolt of excitement.

He blinked a few times and thanked the gods for the miracle of eyeballs; right in front of him stood the hottest blonde and redhead nature had ever created. Their smooth skin and curvy bodies made him want to drool and pant.

“Hey babes!” Malehorn flashed a few bills at the two dancers. The blonde rubbed sweaty tits on his face, and he stuck a bill between the luscious humps. “There is a lot more where that came from. Wanna meet me after your act?”

The blonde smiled longingly. “Didn’t you read the sign, love? I bite. And my friend here,” she chin-pointed at the redhead, “she swallows.”

“I like rough play.” Malehorn grinned, and his horn shot bright red sparks of lust.

The redhead raised an eyebrow. “It would be nice if we could, but the boss man won’t let us.”

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” Malehorn winked.

“Oh screw it!” said the blonde. “Go down the stairs and meet us at our dressing room. Walk through the double doors, between the condom display and Pol, that’s the guy with the detachable penis. Make the first right, and our dressing room is in front of the elevators. That’s our private space, so feel free to get comfy. We’ll be done in a few minutes.”

Malehorn lowered his eyes as he went down the stairs; he wanted to avoid looking at I-can-do-myself-with-my-own-schlong Pol. The girls’ dressing room was easy to find. The place was tiny; just a couch and a huge metal box. Malehorn stretched his long legs across smooth black upholstery, and examined the rest of the room. “I bet that man-size box is full of interesting toys,” he said to himself. He got to his feet to check out the box, but stopped when the door knob turned.

The Unihornian grinned, and forgot about the box. One of the dancers opened the door and walked in; the other voluptuous female was right behind her. Malehorn stiffened when the girls’ silk robes began to slide down their tits, hips, thighs… He began to undo his shirt, but didn’t get to the second button.

The blonde jumped on his lap. He reached up for her tits.

She ripped out his throat, and sucked on warm salty life until Malehorn’s body went limp. She licked her lips after she was done, undressed him completely, and dumped his bloody garments in the metal box. “Mm, this was a tasty one.”

The redhead stared at the pale naked corpse. “You didn’t drain him completely, did you?”

“Of course not, love.” The blonde put a hand on the redhead’s waist, pulled her close, and kissed her on the lips.

“Good then.” The redhead spoke into the blonde’s mouth. “You know how I hate to suck on them when they are dry.”

The redhead walked around the blonde, and pulled a sharp machete from under the couch. She grabbed the Unihornian by the horn, and chopped off the top of his head. She handed the machete and the severed horn to her lover, while balancing the head, so that her food wouldn’t spill. Then she straddled the body. Her mouth began to stretch until the opening matched the size of the top of Unihornian’s head. She aligned her lips with the bloody edges of the Unihornians skull, grabbed him by the ears, and swallowed his brains.

Strip Club


  1. holy shit.
    where have you been hiding this writing?  omgeeee, okay it's okay, *shew* .. - i know where you are now :)
    will stalk regularly.


    it is very very important that the girls swallowed.  i'm so glad they did.

    spitting brains is UNAcceptable.  even when they taste like bleach.


  2. Salemwitchchild9/18/2011

    Well that took a turn I didn't see coming. lol. Good writing. :)

  3. Diandra Linnemann9/18/2011

    Enjoyed reading this! Would have enjoyed more description of the crowd even more! ^^

  4. WrightStuff9/18/2011

    Euuuwwwwggghhhhhh.... well written story :)

  5. John Xero9/18/2011

    Nice, demon strip joint... ;)
    Very funny, some great lines in here. =)

  6. Stalking my tales is quite acceptable too!

  7. Stop getting in my, Diandra Dear, lol. I spent a good chunk of time telling myself keep it short, it would wonderful to see what kind of beings frequent this kind place, but you are making it too long. Now I know what the revision will bring ;-)

  8. Glad you liked it, John.

  9. Tamara9/18/2011

    Holy crap! This was a good one!! Nice touch on the ending and as always, you sucked me right in and I wanted to read your story right to the very end. :)

  10. Georginamorley9/18/2011

    Hahaha! Now that's my kind of ending :D Glad you chose to share this for Amy's party :D XXX

  11. Well, it show no matter what speices males are all the same thinking only about one thing. :)

  12. Marilyn Weyman Kegg9/18/2011

    I'm with NatashaMay!

  13. You guys made me giggle.

  14. MagicLoveCrow9/18/2011

    Holy Magaly! That was a good twist! Fantasticly wicked and sexy!

  15. SunshineShelle9/18/2011

    Malehorn... can't think too much about this.... I just had breakfast, thank goodness I opted for the fruit instead of crumbed brains on toast LOL... This was so full of imagery, a twisted fantasy that was funny & gross... and oh so freaking feminist. the lopping of the horn, brainless Unihorn (or Male without his Uni)... oh my... those big breasted  Zoms... and each one of this carnival of dark performers in this hemp coated Pasture would have a glorious tale to tell or act to perform... a mini-series to end all mini-series... Magnifique Magaly!!!!

  16. Natasha White9/18/2011

    Thank you, this is stunning!!  I agree with the other Natasha :)

  17. And here I was thinking I was all cryptic and stuff lol

  18. I've been invaded by Natashas! 

  19. zombiegoddess9/19/2011

    My kind of ladies!  Now I'm hungry lol!

  20. EWWWWWWW - great job!  lol  I know someone else said ewww but it was in my head before I saw it.  lol

  21. ljrich9/25/2011

    This is my favorite, so far. I swear. Still fabulous!

  22. *Grinning like a psychopath* 

  23. Oh Magaly, you pulled out all the guns on this twisted beauty. I LOVE it! What did he think was going to happen? Oh, never mind, forgot we are dealing with a male here. This was so vividly told, very gross and very sexy, a perfect Zombie party tale. I was gripped from the begining and kept getting closer to the screen (something I tend to do subconsciously when I am enthralled only to realize that when I finish I could lick it if I stuck my tongue out.)  You are my favorite wicked writer!  

  24. I just love it when my writing gross out my friends ;-) Zombies are just too adorable, in a don't-leave-your-brain-or-any-other-bit-of-flesh-unattended kind of way.

  25. Well, well, well. Just what did Lokihorn tell his 'friend'? & why......

    1. We all should find out rather soon... ;-)

  26. <<< Wordless in Indiana

  27. When I read that the boobs had I and D on them, my first thought was my how Freudian! Boy, did it get a surprise! Unihornians! Hahahahaha You are so crazy good it hurts!

    1. Sometimes, we just need to add a horn to it. ;-D