Monday, March 7, 2011

Sex with a Witch

Witches attract weird people. Witches with public blogs, attract entities that can be called people, but only loosely. So you can probably imagine my facial expression when I stared at my inbox and read “Sex with a Witch/Please Help”.

My first thought was, Gods! I despise cyber perverts!

I was about to delete the message when a glance at my preview panel announced: “I’m Wicked Darling’s brother (I’m omitting the name, but she’ll probably read this and roar). I don’t follow blogs, but my sister often talks about yours. She said you might be willing to help me.”

I clicked on the message and the email continued as such: “I met a girl last year. She is a Witch and I’m not. I’ve never dated a Witch. This is my first serious relationship. I love her and I feel she loves me too. We have been dating for a few months, but decided to wait to have sex. It was difficult at first. Now the time gets nearer, and I’m nervous. I’m really nervous. I don’t want to fuck things up.

I approached my sister, who is Pagan, but not a Witch. She kicked me out of her room and said I was ‘a gross pig’, and then she felt sorry for me. She texted me the link to your blog and suggested I asked you for advice.

I’m not a virgin, but I don’t know if things will be very different with a Witch. I’ve thought about asking my girlfriend. I’ve been worrying about it for months. I’ve waited so long that now I don’t know how to go about things.

Could you offer some advice? How does a spiritual atheist guy go about having sex with a Witch for the first time?”

After I was done grinning and trying not to laugh like a lunatic, I simply replied: Trust your Witch; talk to her. We tend to be insightful. I’m almost certain she already knows about your worries. Tell her I said “Shame on you Witch! Making that poor boy suffer for no reason!” Then have a laugh and a kiss. Witches are human too—at least most of us tend to be, some have made me wonder. Yet, at the end of the day (and at the beginning, and in the middle…) we do it like everybody else who is in love.  

This might not sound like much of an advice, but if I were your Witch, I would want you to talk to me instead of someone else. I would also feel very lucky, knowing you cared enough to ask. Tell her I said that too.

***
I received a reply a day later, from the young man and his Witch. They are doing well, but I was wrong: she had no idea he was worried about having sex with a Witch. It seems that some thing never change. Yesterday, today, and always, most relationship issues can be solved with an ancient well-known potion that calls for 2 parts communication, 2 parts trust, and a ginormous splash of love.

What say you, my Wicked Darlings?     

25 comments:

  1. That was so sweet.
    And here I thought all men were a pintless waste of time and prophylactics.

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  2. Your potion sounds like good advise, Witch or not:)_

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  3. Cogent - Your are such a mean truth weaver. My favorite thing about you.

    Melissa - My point exactly. Relationship issues are as mundane as anything can get. I feel like we just need to look, have a talk, and things will work themselves out.

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  4. As I always say to The Husband "use your words". I think the advice you gave was perfect.

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  5. I think that this is by far the most adorable thing I've run across in a while. ^-^
    I think your advice is spot on. And this Wicked Darling's brother gets uber kudos for not being just another, as CA so eloquently put it, waste of time & prophylactics... Aaaaahahahaha... ^-^

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  6. That's cute. I don't know anyone who isn't nervous at first, whether it's with a witch or not. Your advice was excellent!

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  7. Dark Mother - Words are power, aren't they?

    TheBlakkDuchess - Cogent has a way with words. I've always told him so.

    Angela - Indeed. Communication is magic everyone should use.

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  8. Hehehehe!

    I thought he was going to ask you if there was anything "special" he had to do when having sex with a Witch? Since obviously Witches are different, and therefore must have weird kinks when doing Teh Sexeh! :P (Sorry, I am silly).

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  9. I would have laughed so hard getting that message. Sometimes it makes me wonder what some people think of us, but I suppose in a sense we do view a lot of things more spiritually so he had his reasons to be worried, but yes talking to her would have been a much more direct approach hehe I'm glad they're doing good though since lol

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  10. I love this I was going to get angry on your behalf , but omigosh that is so sweet of him. I love your advice too.
    thanks for sharing
    Be Blessed

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  11. It's hard not to view these types of things in a foreign light. What I mean is, if you are NOT something, and you meet someone who is what you are NOT, it's hard to think of them as being the same as you.

    For instance, I've always wondered what it would be like to have sex with an older man. I'm not talking 2-3 years old, I mean 15-20 years older. Do they do it better? Different? Weirder? Are the more romantic about it? I often think that maybe they do something younger men DON"T. How rational is that??? Not very in retrospect, but it's damed hilarious!

    I've always wondered if actors make love better than regular men. And, yes, I said "regular" men. Because we've conditioned ourselves to view actors as more human than humans. Or perhaps "supernatural beings". I'll bet having sex with one is just like the love scenes from movies like The Bridges of Madison County! What do you think?

    Pretty goofy, eh? I can totally see where this poor, poor soul thought having sex with a witch was something to get all worked up about. TEEHEE.:)

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  12. Michelle/MouseDemon - There were specifics in the email, but I didn't think it added anything (but kink lol) to the post, so I left it out.

    SilverFox - It was a pretty funny moment.

    Aisha - I told her he was a keeper.

    LJ - Ha! You are too hilarious. I must admit that I have no idea. But I wonder if the fact that many of them (the um, "more than humans" stars) might be too full of themselves (or just stressed out) to notice certain things. I know that is a terrible thing to say, but that is my very uneducated guest.

    "worked up" ha!

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  13. I say let her take the lead! Who knows what sort of magic she will stir up!

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  14. I think they are going to produce some serious sparkling ;-)

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  15. That is too cute. He was probably subconsciously hoping we did some kind of kinky sex ritual under the full moon. It was so sweet to offer your advice which was perfect.

    Do you get this kind of thing often? Perhaps this could be a whole new kind of "ghosting." ;-)

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  16. It was probably in head somewhere lol.

    I get this kind of questions A LOT. So much that I'm putting together a page, which will mostly discuss my experience with my Piano Man, you know interfaith, interracial and dual cultural relationships.

    And you are very intuitive; most of my ghost writing requests have to do with myth debunking.

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  17. That was so sweet! I love that he cared enough to call upon your aide and that you were kind enough to straighten those love birds out.

    I did find it wildly hilarious though, his thinking that her Witchyness would make it any different.

    Also, sex between witches is my favorite thing. Ever. Ev-AH. We do it better!

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  18. He is a sweet boy, and they are lucky to have each other. I've never had sex with a Witch. Oh wait a minute, there is me...

    Also, my Piano Man is so in touch with himself that I'm sure no Witch can touch what he does for me. I'm getting hot just thinking about it ;-D

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  19. Michelle/MouseDemon - There were specifics in the email, but I didn't think it added anything (but kink lol) to the post, so I left it out.

    SilverFox - It was a pretty funny moment.

    Aisha - I told her he was a keeper.

    LJ - Ha! You are too hilarious. I must admit that I have no idea. But I wonder if the fact that many of them (the um, "more than humans" stars) might be too full of themselves (or just stressed out) to notice certain things. I know that is a terrible thing to say, but that is my very uneducated guest.

    "worked up" ha!

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  20. Tracypatchin3/10/2012

    Im 46 devorced male
    Is it fate to want what you can't keep?
    Just give me one friend who meets
    All my varying moods.

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  21. Sometimes our moods need to work on trying to meet our varying friends.

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  22. That poor boy! The situation does make me think that he has been watching far too much 'tv-land witchiness' ;)

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    Replies
    1. Don't you just shake your head at the things that happen on TV? It is one of the reasons why I love the cyber age. I know that a lot of garbage is spread about witchery and other things, but there is a lot more truth as well ;-)

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  23. See, I was expecting something smutty! There's some eye-watering Mediaeval stuff about so I'm off to do some more research. But congratulations on being in the top five on Google :)

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    Replies
    1. There are a lot of misconceptions out there, and some truths... but reality is usually nicer, softer, and with multiples ;-D

      Um... Thank you.

      This post might help: http://pagan-culture.blogspot.com/2009/05/paganism-religion-of-sexual-gods.html

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