Witches attract weird people. Witches with public blogs, attract entities that can be called people, but only loosely. So you can probably imagine my facial expression when I stared at my inbox and read “Sex with a Witch/Please Help”.
My first thought was, Gods! I despise cyber perverts!
I was about to delete the message when a glance at my preview panel announced: “I’m Wicked Darling’s brother (I’m omitting the name, but she’ll probably read this and roar). I don’t follow blogs, but my sister often talks about yours. She said you might be willing to help me.”
I clicked on the message and the email continued as such: “I met a girl last year. She is a Witch and I’m not. I’ve never dated a Witch. This is my first serious relationship. I love her and I feel she loves me too. We have been dating for a few months, but decided to wait to have sex. It was difficult at first. Now the time gets nearer, and I’m nervous. I’m really nervous. I don’t want to fuck things up.
I approached my sister, who is Pagan, but not a Witch. She kicked me out of her room and said I was ‘a gross pig’, and then she felt sorry for me. She texted me the link to your blog and suggested I asked you for advice.
I’m not a virgin, but I don’t know if things will be very different with a Witch. I’ve thought about asking my girlfriend. I’ve been worrying about it for months. I’ve waited so long that now I don’t know how to go about things.
Could you offer some advice? How does a spiritual atheist guy go about having sex with a Witch for the first time?”
After I was done grinning
and trying not to laugh like a lunatic, I simply replied: Trust your Witch; talk to her. We tend to be insightful. I’m almost certain she already knows about your worries. Tell her I said “Shame on you Witch! Making that poor boy suffer for no reason!” Then have a laugh and a kiss. Witches are human too—at least most of us tend to be, some have made me wonder. Yet, at the end of the day (and at the beginning, and in the middle…) we do it like everybody else who is in love.
This might not sound like much of an advice, but if I were your Witch, I would want you to talk to me instead of someone else. I would also feel very lucky, knowing you cared enough to ask. Tell her I said that too.
I received a reply a day later, from the young man and his Witch. They are doing well, but I was wrong: she had no idea he was worried about having sex with a Witch. It seems that some thing never change. Yesterday, today, and always, most relationship issues can be solved with an ancient well-known potion that calls for 2 parts communication, 2 parts trust, and a ginormous splash of love.
What say you, my Wicked Darlings?
Love Struck, by Diana Ahrens