I get hit on by guys and girls almost at the same rate. This fact has never bothered me; actually knowing that both ends of the gender spectrum find me attractive tends to feed my modesty’s big head. The other day Cogent Ascending, who claims to have a super-efficient gaydar, told me that he had thought I was a lesbian until I posted something about liking guys.
“You don’t look like a lesbian,” he said. “But there is a very feminist vibe to your energy I've only ever encountered in other lesbians.”
Cogent has not been the only one to express that opinion about my sexuality. Some of my friends have suggested that I look, and tend to act, like a “hot lesbian”. When I ask for clarification, they say that although I’m a "very pretty girl" I have “manly features”. In addition, they remind me that I’m usually the only girl in our group who will say things like “wow, that girl is really hot” or “look at those legs” or my most common expression toward big breasted females (and my male friends’ old time favorite) “boobies!”
I’ve analyzed all the evidence in this case and I can see how people, especially those who don’t know me well, can arrive to the conclusion that I might be a lesbian, or at bisexual. But I’m not; my inner female goddess needs a manly god in order to feel sexually complete. I like what I like. And regardless of what certain groups out there want to make the rest of the world believe, sexual orientation is not something you can change.
One of my best friends is living proof of this fact. He has been a United States Marine for over 15 years and has shared 10 of those years with the man who owns his body and heart. My friend loves his mate, but he also takes pride in defending the rights of his fellow countrymen. The same individuals who tell him that they won’t ask about his sexual self, but that if he tells them they will rip away his uniform and his dignity.
The hypocrisy of “Don’t ask, don’t tell” makes me want to puke! First of all, it is RIDICULOUSLY discriminatory, and please don’t even let me start pointing out the psychological ordeal such a STUPID rule puts a service member through. I admire my gay friend because he is one of the best Marines I’ve ever known, and also because I understand that it takes a special kind of mind and heart to defend a nation that wants to make him believe that he is damaged. There were times when I wondered how he woke up every day, got into his uniform and spent another day protecting those who spat on his soul.
That admiration might be what makes me feel so comfortable around the LGBT community. Maybe that which Cogent and some of my friends have sensed is not really a lesbian-like energy, but a vibe that says “My dear I admire you to no end”. How can I not? Nowadays, being who we are is tough enough; can you imagine the distress of walking around with your head high, when the ruling majority tells you that something is absolutely wrong with you? I wonder if it feels just like being Pagan in a world that wants to convince you that the Gods that fill your heart with joy are not real.
How does “Don’t ask, don’t tell” make you feel my Wicked Darlings?
P. S. My gay Marine friend and his partner will get handfasted on August 10th. It won’t be a legal deal because they are both still in the service. I’m honored to say that they’ve asked me to bless their union under the renewing powers of the New Moon. How cool is that!