Rambling about Values and Sex

Yesterday was such a LONG day. I was tired out of my mind; so much that I walked into a particular class, handed in my final work, and told the professor "We don't like each other and we know it, so let's avoid some misery by not having to stare into each other's faces for any longer than we necessarily have to." He looked at me a bit confused, for about 10 really LONG seconds and said, "Just go."

I left and immediately text messaged my friend, who from now on I'll refer to as Coco, which means coconut in Spanish. She exists under different shells: the first is firm, but softer than the inner shell, the second is hard as a rock, but if you are lucky enough to get passed it, you will find something sweet, liquid, and exotic that will always stimulate your intellect.

Anyway, Coco and I sat at a table in our school courtyard to enjoy the sun and some good conversation. For some reasons our conversations always revolve around the "I had so much sex this weekend" (Coco), "Damn, I hate being single, I wish I could have some sex" (Guess who), social issues, good books, and of course the latest school gossip. On this occasion the topic was values and sex.

"I believe that a relationship cannot work if the couple doesn't share similar values." I told her.

"Of course" she agreed. "My guy and I aren't twins, but our worldviews are almost identical. Our political interests too."

I understood just too well. I have ended two long term relationships because my ex's were too different from me when it came to certain spiritual and cultural values. For instance, one believed I could be happy hiding that I was Pagan from his family; the other couldn't see why my family and I were offended by his need to keep pictures, videos, and other keepsakes from past relationships or the fact that he kept close contact with former lovers. I'm not saying that doing those things are wrong for everybody; they are just not right for someone who wants to spend his life with me.

Coco inspected her forearm, which had just touched a mysterious sticky substance on the table. "I hope is water." She looked at me a bit anxious and I understood the fear. Two weeks ago a few classmates and I found a couple having sex in our classroom, so something sticky on a table was reason to worry. "Know what else?" asked Coco, "I can't have sex with someone I don't respect."

"I totally get it girl." I nodded over and over, and made a face, when I realized that Coco's arm had just landed on the sticky liquid. Again. "That's one of the reasons why I would never go into the practice of having casual sex. I can't even get aroused by someone who I don't respect or care about. If I don't like what a guy carries in his head and heart, nothing attached to his body will get anywhere near me without suffering serious pain."

Coco looked at her arm and moved away from the table a little. "I feel lucky that my guy and I enjoy having sex with each other so much. I'm telling you, after five years I still see stars when we make love."

"Lucky!" I told her feeling a tiny bit of good old jealousy. I like being in relationships. The dating process is fun, but there is nothing like finding that someone who you are compatible with, and sharing a lot of time together. "Well, woman I want to revise this paper one last time before I turn it in, so adios."

We said our good-byes and parted ways. I walked to the library to read my paper, but our conversation kept my mind busy. I was thinking about what I expected from the guy who I want to be in a relationship with:

  • I want honesty 
  • Values that somewhat mirror mine
  • I hope he likes dancing and talking about social issues
  • He needs to be comfortable in his own skin 
  • He needs to have hopes and dreams
  • I don't want him to be perfect, but I need him to be perfect for me 
  • Oh, and he must LOVE having sex with his Eclectic Witch and with her ONLY or things just wouldn't work between us


How much importance do you place on values and sex, when it comes to relationships?

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