Are You Brave or Stupid?

"I must choose humble and analytical, even if the first adjective is somewhat out of character. "

That was my reply to an email I received, just minutes after In the Darkness Comes the Light was published. A dear friend used that subject line to inform me that she was very worried about me.

"Magaly, I care about you. Don't you think this is careless? What will you do if things don't work out with" The Boyfriend? "Are you ready to tell people that you just made another mistake? What will they think of you?"

The email was about a page long, but the first paragraph was a good summary. I'm sharing it with you because I believe in 'practicing what I preach' (regardless of how much I dislike the word preach). I believe that we can make life easier for others, including ourselves, if we show that we are not so different. How many women felt (secretly) relieved after The President cheated on The First Lady? They weren't rejoicing in one woman's misery, they were just thinking, If that happened to her, then I must not be as screwed up as I thought.

I live in the open, socially, romantically, spiritually... that fact has brought amazing people into my life. Individuals who teach me, every day, that the world doesn't have to be such a horrible place. Life can be amazing if we show who we really are and let everyone--especially ourselves--embrace the good, the bad, and the 'Crap! I can't believe I did that again!'

Blessings my Wicked Darlings ;)

This picture has absolutely nothing to so with this post (well, kind of, meet The Boyfriend). I just wanted Alix to get the image of Jason Mesnick out of her mind! (See Alix's comment on my previous post if you need clarification ;)

"At the Darkest Moment Comes the Light"

"I'm not sure what I want out of life right now. I know I want YOU, but I just don't know if I'm ready for the type of relationship you need." He said.

I looked at the guy who owned--and still owns--my heart, and prayed that my knees were strong enough to hold the weight of his words. My soul was heavy with unshed tears. I didn't say a thing. Nothing at all.

I just packed and left.

My hands were shaking on the steering wheel, so I stopped and waited for the misery to dissipate. It didn't.

Then he called...

"Come back," such a simple request.

A calculating woman would have asked for tons of promises in exchange for her return. Me? No. I was overtaken by love. The feeling with the potential to make one deaf, dumb and blind--which isn't a bad thing when the receiving end is looking after one's wellbeing. But if that isn't the case... oh, the pain.

I got back to his house in less than half the time that took me to drive away. He was cleaning the carpet. His entire body was tense and it had very little to do with the physical task.

We didn't talk much after my return, but I stayed for a few days. We spent the time in a state of half-bliss: he trying to find himself, me wondering if he knew that we were just living a very long goodbye.

I kissed him softly on the lips, the day I said my real goodbye.

"See you soon?" He wanted to know.

I flashed him a quiet smile. I didn't want to lie.

I cried the entire drive home, but my hands didn't shake.

***

Time passed and I met an incredible guy. He was perfect and looked at me like I was the only woman alive. He asked for my heart and I told him it wasn't mine to give. I looked at him and wished I could offer it, but I couldn't. Yet, in a time of absolute darkness I agreed to give it a try.

Then he called...

"I'm ready now. Things have happened... things that made me realized that I want a chance at a life with you and no one else. I would understand if you are no longer available, but I..."

"I'm seeing someone." I interrupted. Then the traffic started to disappear behind the curtain of my tears, so I pulled over.

"Oh, I... I see." There was pain and fear in his voice.

"I can't just drop everything, hurt someone's feelings and go back to you." It was a half lie, for subconsciously I was thinking about how to deliver the heartbreaking news. "I need some time."

"That's fair." He agreed. "I'll wait. And if you decide... well, if you choose him over me, it would be my fault for not getting my head out of my ass in time."

Yes it would, I thought.

I didn't wait long to tell the other guy. He was hurt, but he understood my decision. He wished me happiness and I was grateful for that. I just wished he would have kept from adding that he would be waiting for me, in case things didn't work out.

Those words stayed with me for a while, but they vanished the moment the owner of my heart kissed me. Touched me. Showed me how much he missed me.

My confidence grew after our bodies said their hellos. We have been lost in each others flesh and emotions so many times, but nothing compared to his touch after my return. I felt that his heart was in it, for the first time EVER.

I'm happy. We are happy.

***

Some might think his past actions make him a jerk, and believe me, so did I at one point. But that's an erroneous assessment. He is a pure being. A man who didn't make promises he couldn't keep, but when he was ready to make them he put his body, mind and soul into the deal.

The time that led to the beginning of the rest of my life, was one of the worst periods in my existence. I was falling into the darkness of safe companionship without passionate love. Then he called... and the words of Joseph Campbell rang true:

"The Black moment is the moment when the real message of transformation is going to come. At the darkest moment comes the light."

Now you know all about last weekend, and a bit about my life as a whole. All that is left is to wish us Luck, Light & Love!

Stuff from Ellen's Head

Touched by Pagan Culture Saturdays! Um... on Wednesday, is thrilled to bring you Stuff from Ellen's Head!

Ellen Abbot is an artist who transforms glass into the things dreams are made of. This amazing woman who tries "not to dwell on the past or worry over much about the future" is an expert on making "today count." Her blog is mostly about her life transitioning "from city to country", but every once in a while she blesses her readers with the miracle of her art.

This lady has been working with glass for over 3 decades and, my Wicked Darlings, she just keeps getting better and better. Don't believe me? Fine! I dare to stop by her blog and let your eyes rejoice on the beauty that comes directly from Ellen's Head. I spent a short while (about 2 hours) browsing around Ellen Abbot/Marc Leva's website and I was mesmerized by the shapes and colors of magic made into glass.

Go check out all the Stuff from Ellen's Head and let me know what you think!

*************

List Randomizer

There were 66 items in your list. Here they are in random order:

Ellen Abbot

Judy

Judy

Slommer

Chef Green

Slommer

Bridgett

Mrs. B.

LJ

Filho de logunede

Tiffany]

Melissa aka Equidae

Diandra

Slommer

Clandestiny

Alix

Ellen Abbot

Filho de logunede

Melissa aka Equidae

Lyon

Marcia Colette

Judy

D. Suplicki

Bridgett

Asshole Boyfriend

Clandestiny

MouseDemon

Bridgett

GreekWitch

Slommer

Alix

Lyon

Clairedulalune

Ellen Abbot

Alix

Alix

Sandi McBride

Chef Green

Bridgett

MouseDemon

Ellen Abbot

Written in Earth

Christine Forest, M.D.

Clandestiny

Bridgett

Chef Green

MouseDemon

Emma

Asshole Boyfriend

Cogent Ascending

Rue

Joanna Jenkins

Sandi McBride

Chef Green

Chef Green

Clandestiny

Lyon

Janicu

Alix

D. Suplicki

One Pink Fish

Melissa aka Equidae

Clandestiny

Clandestiny

Ellen Abbot

One Pink Fish

Timestamp: 2009-11-17 23:01:12 UTC

Back AND Loaded!

Yes my Wicked Darlings! I'm back and loaded with updates, awards and enough happiness to keep me glowing for YEARS to come!

First things first because I know you are dying for updates on Spiritually Eclectic, Orthodox in Love. It's complicated... It was nothing more than a anniversary present gone EXTREMELY wrong... or right, depending on who is looking at it. I like showing, not telling, so here is what I put together after listening to the parties involved:

"Jon, do you have a sexual fantasy." My friend held her husband a bit tighter to give him courage.

"I used to... I guess... but I'm married now, and I like my real life." Jon kissed his wife feeling truly happy.

"But, what was your fantasy?" My friend really wanted to know.

Jon didn't like where things were going, but he knew his wife wouldn't stop asking until he gave her an answer, so he chose honesty. "You know, the same thing most guys want? Two girls at the same time, but that was a long time ago. I'm married now and I'm happy with my super girl." He kissed her again.

While her husband was kissing her, my friend was thinking about what an amazing man he was. She wanted to grow old with him, even if her body craved the touch of another individual; another woman. But why can't I have both! The idea hit her with such force that my friend felt she couldn't argue with it. I'll get us a woman for our anniversary! She concluded happily.

My friend went ahead and spoke to her best friend. A woman she found very attractive, and who she knew found her husband appealing too.

A week later, Jon walked into his bedroom and the sight made him crush the small jewelery case holding his wife's wedding anniversary gift. His wife and her best friend lay naked in his bed, "And Magaly they were inviting me in. I wanted to disappear, run away, join them. I just didn't know what to do, so I just stood there like an idiot." But not for long because my friend went and got him.

Jon was very nervous at first, but he ended up taking his present. But that wasn't the end of it...

My friend's best friend had feelings for Jon. I think my friend knew this and that's why she picked her. The girl didn't feel the same way about my friend, but she liked Jon so much that she made the sacrifice.

Today, Jon and his anniversary present see each other on a regular basis, while my friend sees other girls. Jon is no longer comfortable with the arrangement because a new woman has claimed his monogamous heart. My friend does not want to give him a divorce, so like I said, "It's complicated..."

My friend asked me what I thought about the whole thing. "Well dear you literally made a bed for Jon and your best friend, so don't get mad if they are choosing to lay in it."


*************

I'm hopping that after reading what I told my friend, One Pink Fish still feels that I deserve to be a My Comments Rock! Award nominee.


Then again, Clandestiny--from Naked in the Closed--has given me the Superior Scribbler Award and I believe that gives me artistic rights to run my mouth, wildly, every now and then.

I will foward these awards to eight amazing bloggers in the near future, but I wanted to thank ONe PiNK FiSH and Clandestiny as soon as possible. Thanks so much my dears!

*************

Hmm... this post got way too long, even without the glowing bit, so I'll have to tell you about The Boyfriend and this past weekend on my next post.

Gone for the Weekend

Greetings my Wicked Darlings.

I have to pack a bag and leave for the weekend. I need to take care of a very important issue. I didn't have time to post Touched by Pagan Culture Saturdays! before living, so we'll have to make it up next week--my apologies.


Please don't worried, everything is okay, it is just something a bit unexpected. I'll be back late Monday, in time to catch the Leonid Meteor Shower.


I wish you a magical weekend of Light & Love!

Spiritually Eclectic, Orthodox in Love

I pulled into the grocery store's parking lot and almost drove into a dumpster. I'm by no means a careless driver, but this kind of reaction is expected when one sees the husband of one's happily married friend, sucking face with a young woman who happens not to be one's friend.

I parked my car in the space I found and walked toward the guilty pair. "Jon! What the fuck!?" (Yes daddy, your little girl uses bad language when she is pissed. Sorry.)

"Shit!" Jon broke the kissing seal so abruptly that he banged the woman's head against the passenger side window.

"Oh my..." I couldn't believe my eyes. She was one of my friend's best friends. Great, this makes things so much easier. The sarcasm felt thick on my tongue.

"Magaly I swear I can explain." Jon's eyes were about to pop out of his head.

"I'm sure you can't, so don't even try." I didn't want to hear it. I had seen him holding his wife and telling her how much he loved her, just a few days ago. I walked away shaking my head, trying to ignore Jon's voice as he begged me not to tell.

I started my car and drove away. I was in no mood for grocery shopping.

***

I got home and took a long shower, trying to wash away the nasty event--it didn't work. I needed help so I called my boyfriend (WOW! that sounds so weird in my head, but that's the truth people, I have a boyfriend!) He told me that he didn't know what to do either, that the situation was too complicated. He was nice and tried to make me think about other things, but I just couldn't let it go, so I said goodnight and called my best friend.

I told her the whole story, and after a long silence she said: "I don't get you sometimes. You'd think that someone as eclectic as you, would understand why some people cannot be with just one person."

"Are you serious?" I was taken aback by her words.

"Very," she reaffirmed.

"Oh." I thought about the time a guy I was seeing made the same comment. Then I told her the same thing I told him: "I'm spiritually eclectic, but orthodox in love."

"I know my love," she chuckled. "You are very weird."

I stared at the phone after we said our goodnights. I don't feel weird, my mind's voice said.

I trust my mind's voice. I'm not a strange person--all the time--I'm just a one man woman. As a matter of fact, that is the reason why I ended my last relationship. I was crazy about the guy, but I walked away the day he told me he wasn't ready to date me exclusively; he wanted to see other people. My feelings for him ran very deeply, so I considered the possibility of staying with him and seeing other people too, but that lasted about a day. I'm not wired that way.

I find it easy to explore different spiritual paths, take the bits and pieces that make sense to me, and leave the rest alone. I just don't see how this concept could be applied to relationships. What does an 'eclectic lover' do? Date one person for sex? One for financial stability? One for looks? One for intellectual conversations?!

Is it weird that I approach spirituality and to love in different ways?


****
P.S. I still don't know what to do about my friend and her cheating husband, so feel free to offer advice.

I Pray for the Victims of War

I was in the kitchen using all the might I could muster to scrub a counter that didn't need cleaning. I had to do something physical while I waited for the fury and the disappointment to dissipate. I was so mad at my dad.

My dad and I never argue, but a news report about the Fort Hood incident had us at each other's throats. I had been serving him dinner when a reporter on TV said that Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan, the Fort Hood shooter, was no longer intubated. My dad made an obscene noise, shook his head, and said: "God is very just, I'm sure He won't let that murderer get out of that bed."

I didn't like the remark. "That's a horrible thing to say papi, you don't even know why the man did what he did."

My dad gave me a look filled with indignation. "Who cares why. He is obviously a crazy religious fanatic and we'll be better off if he is dies."

"How do you know he is a 'religious fanatic'? He probably had a nervous breakdown. Who knows what was going through that poor man's mind at the moment he pulled the trigger..."

My dad didn't let me finish. "I like that you always try to find good in everything and everyone, but there is no goodness in this. Anyone who gets up and shoot a whole bunch of innocent people is obviously evil."

"I'm not trying to justify the man papi, all I'm saying is that we can't be so quick to judge. You weren't at Walter Reed for years, trying to get into the brains of the boys who had lost half their minds in the war. You don't know what it feels like to stand in front of a 19-year-old kid who is missing his legs and one eye, trying to find a way to tell him that the nightmares might never go away. That does things to people...!"

"But... that's what he was trained for chiquita (Spanish for little one)." My dad didn't sound so sure anymore.

"One is trained to handle situations as they are happening; to adapt and overcome in order to get the job done, but at the end of it all, the memories... the nightmares... they stay. One has to deal with them. Alone. Some people are strong--or lucky--and survive. Others lose their heads trying to stay normal, but end up doing unspeakable things." I looked away to keep my dad from seeing the tears that were staring to form in my eyes. I scrubbed and scrubbed that counter, trying to erase stains that weren't there.

My dad didn't say anything else. He just got up and left. I looked at the table and felt bad because he didn't finish his dinner.

I went to my room, laid on my bed and let the tears flow freely. Soon a very unsettling thought came to mind: Am I defending a man who killed 13 people! I glanced at the statue of a kid wearing military uniform and holding a Dominican flag. It was a present from the mother of a blind Soldier who I helped while I worked as a military case manager between the National Naval Medical Center and Walter Reed Army Medical Center. The blind Soldier was not a pleasant man; he was arrogant and ill spoken, but he was on of us, so I helped anyway. Plus, I always told myself that I would be mad at the world too, if I had been shot in the head and lost my eyesight as a result.

One day the Soldier was particularly rude to me. He called me every name in the book and a few that weren't. I waited for him to spit out all his venom, then went to my office to think of the best way to inform him that his behavior was unacceptable.

His mother caught up to me a few minutes later. "I have something for you."

"Oh..." I was kind of lost for words. "Thanks ma'am, but you didn't have to."

She extended the little statue. "Please take this, so you know someone appreciates all you've done for my boy."

I accepted the gift. "Thanks for gesture, but I must tell you that you don't need to give me anything. Every service member will show the same kindness to your child ma'am. He is one of us, and we take care of our own."

That memory helped me understand why I felt like I had to give Maj. Hasan the benefit of a doubt. I wasn't defending a killer, I was showing solidarity to a service member who saw the same horrors I had seen. Who knows... he might end up being the murderous 'religious fanatic' my dad spoke of, but until I know for sure, I'll pray for his soul. And I will continue praying even if it is proved that his actions were deliberate, for the soul of someone who commits such a heinous act needs all the prayer the world has to offer.

Today, and always, I pray for the victims of war: the ones killed, the ones doing the killing, and the ones sitting at home looking for someone to blame.

Believing, Writing, Living...

Today was a day of quotes. The first blog I visited told me "Some things have to be believed to be seen." Then I clicked on my friend Marcia Colette's blog and she reminded me to "write like I am under contract."

I told myself, "WOW! These women must have my house bugged!" Do you Marcia? What about you, new friend from Life with Kaishon? Well, if you do, then I have to apologize for the weird noises I made last night. I dreamed I was duck calling. Yep, it weirded me out too!

Ralph Hodson's "Some things have to be believed to be seen", pretty much described my state of mind the last few months. I used to be a "see to believe" kind of girl, which might be why some things in my life didn't go so well. I wasn't seeing a whole lot of good, so I started to believe that it was just the way life was supposed to be. However, some life changing events pushed me into the 'believe and you might see' van wagon, and my life hasn't been the same ever since.

For instance, my love life had been a mess for as long as I could remember. I always thought I was too needy, too touchy-feely, too overwhelming... It had to be true, for most of my previous romantic partners made me see things that way. Lately, I started to believe that I wasn't too much of anything, at least not in a bad way; I am just ME. All of the sudden, I found a guy who thinks my annoying traits are perfect. Maybe because he acts the same way. So you see, I started to believe that I could find someone who would want me just the way I am, and voilà! I found a soul that seems to glow every time he touches me. And, um... he shines all the time!

All that brightness reminded me of my fiction writing. I didn't start thinking about writing as a 'real job' until less than a year ago. To me writing was a hobby, so I used to get hobby-like results from my efforts. Last spring I went to my first writing convention and heard Kim Harrison say that in order to make it in fiction writing, "You must write like you already have the contract." I've written many short stories since then, and I am nearly done with my first novel length manuscript! I gave myself a January deadline, so keep me in check ;)

I'm not trying to say that my life is perfect now. I don't even know if this new relationship is going to work. Also, I might write 50 novels, but who says that they are going to sell? All I'm trying to convey is that life is much more fun when one believes in oneself, and in the things one wants to accomplish.

Have you read any blogs that made you feel the blogger was talking about you?

CASA HICE

Alix, from CASA HICE, has been Touched by Pagan Culture Saturdays! There I was sitting on my recliner, more nervous than my little brother the day girlfriend #1 invited him to a party at girlfriend #2's house (Yes, the kid is lost and I don't know what to do with him, but that is another post).

I was nervous out of my mind because I went out last night, and um... stayed out *wicked grin* until not so long ago. I got home, took my shoes off, and fired up the lost kid's laptop--mine still broken. I was praying to all the Gods I know, and even some I have never heard of: PLEASE Randomizer, select a Wicked Darling I know a lot about! I was afraid the random system would pick someone who doesn't post much or a blog I just started following. I was afraid of having to do research.

I'm usually not this lazy, but I was up all night and I just knew my brain would not be working at its full potential. Wicked Darlings, I almost kissed my screen when I read the List Randomizer results. I was excited (and extremely relieved) because I don't even have to visit CASA HICE, to tell you what this blog is all about. Its creator is the mother of two children and the wife of a lovely husband. She is Christian conservative who stumbled into Pagan Culture and, according to her, was pleasantly surprised by what she has found here.

CASA HICE is about love, living, family... and all those wonderful things that make life worth living. What makes this blog, and its creator, so wicked fabulous is the fact that Alix has a way to touch people. Her posts range from the trivial to the "neurotic"; some will make you smile, others will tear you up, but the majority will leave you thinking: this woman rocks!

So run to CASA HICE and get hooked on something good; yours truly is already addicted ;)



*************
I wasn't going to include the actual List Randomizer results, but to see that Alix's name came up on the #1 & #2 spots made want to share it. I've been thinking/speaking about Alix a lot this week. Here and with friends and family. The random results made me wonder, could my thoughts have affected the outcome? Probably not, but it is fun to wonder about it ;)
*************
List Randomizer

There were 41 items in your list. Here they are in random order:

Alix
Alix
Kiki
Cogent Ascending
Bridgett
Judy
Bridgett
Rayden Darklighter
Carolina Gonzalez
Pixie
Yvonne Rathbone
Asshole Boyfriend
Emma
Melissa aka Equidae
Melissa aka Equidae
Emma
Emma
Bridgett
Tiffany
Sarita
Lisa
Bridgett
Heronmist
Melissa aka Equidae
Bridgett
Melissa Carmichael
Melissa aka Equidae
Klynch
Alix
Rue
Pixie
Bella Foxglove
D.Suplicki
Diandra
Emma
Aewynne Redwolf
Filho de Logunede
Lyon
Chef Green
Carolina Gonzalez
Janicu

Timestamp: 2009-11-07 20:36:49 UTC (3:36:49 EST)

Can the Recession Make Someone Crafty?

Yes it can!

This is my favorite bag. I got it during a very important period of my life, so I want to keep it forever and use it as much as possible. I love that I can wear it as a shoulder bag and as a backpack too.





















So I was devastated when the back straps broke ;( I took it to a leather repair shop (doesn't it seem like all my stuff is braking lately? Hm...) Anyway, they said that repairing it would cost me $50. Fifty bucks for two buckles!





















I walked home thinking about how to solve the issue myself. It was kind of chilly out, so I was wearing a fun scar I got from the warmest of librarians, who I met during my trip to Albany.









I got home and used my non-existing knot-tying experience to create this.



















I tested it and was pleased with how comfortable it felt.

I looked at myself in the mirror and went "Mmmm, nice!"

Then I smiled my BIGGEST smile. I thought about the $50 I saved and how much fun I had doing it. Not only that, but I have a bag as colorful and Eclectic as my witchy self. I'm loving it!

I'm convinced, the recession did indeed make me a big crafty, but my craftiness doesn't work on blogger because I still suck at loading pictures.

Have you made due with what you have because you refuse to spend unnecessary money?

Things I Feel Great About

Today Pagan Culture was spiced up into the triple digits by The Sauce! Yep my Wicked Darlings, Chef Green is the 100th member of our Eclectic Circle. I visited his blog in order to welcome him to the family, and the post that welcomed me made me feel really sad. The words were filled with that familiar pain, which touches those who have known despair.

I'm a very emotional reader, meaning that my feelings are affected by what the written word. This is the reason why I choose to follow a diverse bunch of bloggers who have managed to keep my moods relatively balanced. Chef Green's post listed the "things with which [he was] unwell". They were sad, angry... situations that immediately made me think about the times I've felt that way. Then I looked at my empty picture frame and focused on hope.

My frame made me remember that existing is about suffering and thinking hard, but true living is about hoping for the best all the time. So when memories about bitter relationships tried to intrude, I replaced them with thoughts about a great guy I recently met. Then a conversation I had with a jerk, who told me that the only reason I defended gay rights was because I "was going to burn in gay hell", threatened to ruin my day. I didn't let it; I took a deep breath and giggled, thinking about a picture I saw in Cogent Ascending's blog, which said "This is what it looks like to be gay and fabulous."

I do this often; when I start to feel unwell about a particular issue, I try my best to focus on the things I feel great about. I said "try" because there are some emotions that must be felt, even if they hurt.

What about you? How do you fight back when life's painful realities make the world seem like the most awful of places?


Mildly unrelated note: I bet you didn't know that a gay hell actually existed. Well, don't feel too bad, neither did I. I guess that this separation, on earth and in hell, is only known and understood by the highly ignorant. This might explain why the members of our Eclectic Circle didn't know about the place.

It Must Be The Moon!

The last few months have been rather difficult for me: my car accident in July nearly ruined my life, I lost the best living arrangement anyone could dream of in New York City, my grandmother passed away, choosing a graduate program has been a nightmare, my laptop is on its last leg... but this evening was like a fairytale; I'm so happy.

I went to Le Bateau Ivre and sipped delicious wine, while sharing great conversation with an amazing person--who, by the way, happened to be late. But I didn't mind, for his tardiness gave me time to scout the area. I ended up admiring the garden of a beautiful synagogue, and then walked a few blocks, just to discover a dreamy little shop that sold old books and precious pottery I can't afford. I didn't want to leave the little shop, but I couldn't leave my friend waiting, could I? So I told the owner of the shop that I would be back, to browse some more, after my friend and I parted ways.

Must people would have disregarded my promise as simple politeness, but not the owner of this little shop between 55th and 56th streets (can't spell the name of the shop or the owner's, but I'll be back soon to collect that information and to take some pics for you). The owner believed me when I said I was going to come back. I returned and he surprised me. He and his best friend (can't spell his name either!) waited for me and we shared the most exquisite fish and rice, ever. He said that it was an old Iranian recipe, but the only ingredients I recognized were the ones previously mentioned and sun dried tomatoes. But by the Gods everything was sooooo good!

I took the train home, after my amazing experience. I was laughing--people were staring--the whole way home. I was thinking about a comment a Wicked Darling made some time back. She said, "Wow. :) People just come to you don't they? That's awesome." Her words made me feel a bad, just a bit. I wondered if she thought that I exaggerated, or straight up lied, to make my posts more appealing. I don't think that anymore; my deepest apologies dear.

Today, I shared a glass of wine with an unbelievable guy who flew this morning from Chicago, a meal with two adorable old men from Iran, and the whole world with a bunch of great friends who take the time to read my words. My life is indeed unbelievable. I walked home from the train station, as the chilling November breeze soothed my thoughts. I closed my eyes for a second and silently asked The Old Ones, what did I do to deserve so many blessings? I looked up and saw the brightest of glows blowng kissing through the autumn leafs. I smiled and answered my own question: "It must be the moon!"

Any Thick-Skinned Computer Techs Out There?

I just got back from speaking to a computer technician. It was a nightmare! There isn't that much wrong with my computer; you see, my niece was playing with the power cord and she pushed it in too far. It needs to be opened and the socked needs to be readjusted. The technician told me that if there isn't any additional damage, the job would take 30 minutes--tops. I was deliriously happy! I smiled my BIGGEST smile, and told him that I would stick around while he did his magic.

"I have other jobs before yours," he said, "so I won't be able to touch your machine (what's up with guys calling laptops machines?) until this afternoon."

"That's fine," I assured him. "I'll be more than happy to bring it by this afternoon and wait for it then."

"What? You don't trust me or something?" He didn't look happy.

"Oh no!" My eyes almost popped out of my face. "Is not that... well, kind of, but I promise it is not you. I just had a really bad experience and now am a bit paranoid. Please try to understand."

He didn't try to understand. "I don't like people looking over my shoulder while I work, so you can go somewhere else."

I stood in the middle of his 8x8 computer shop staring at my lifeless laptop, and holding back angry tears. I couldn't believe I was back at square one.

I need to fix this laptop soon. I've backed up all my writing, minus the work I did the night prior to this issue, but I can not access my external hard drive with my brother's computer. I wish I could just go and get another laptop, but you know the economy... I'm on a budget... blah... blah... blah...

Well, I'm going to continue to use my brother's computer for now, but I need to focus on this issue. I'm going to be partially off the radar until I figure something out. Send me positive energy, a thick-skinned computer technician (or a check lol) to see if I can't get out of this situation soon.

Many hugs my Wicked Darlings. Computer-less woman OUT!